Coming out to the world

[texkag]

You make some good points. I think I have a lot more exploring to do before I am comfortable in my autistic skin. I was fifty before I was finally diagnosed, so I have spent most of my life simply thinking of myself as a social failure. I think it's fantastic that younger people on the spectrum can be so open, my own children included. I think that societies have made some steps forward in the past few decades. Although there's still a long way to go.

 

[100skerls]

I relate. I felt like a failure until I got my diagnosis last year but I am only 23. I don’t think public mindset has changed too much about autism (I think people generally still assume autistic people would be better off if they weren’t autistic - which is to say that they are “pro cure”) but it’s probably easier to change preconceptions now than it used to be. Also I think younger generations are always less tolerant of norms older generations learned to deal with. That being said there aren’t enough autistic self-advocates. It’s understandable why, but also it’s sad. I wish there was a stronger sense of community and culture for autistic people I think it would make it easier for more people to be open about it if they had a strong community to lean on for support. To me it feels like we are a very fractured group of people. This website is a very good tool but there aren’t enough things like it (that I know of anyway)

 

[texkag]

Yes, I think it's difficult for us to advocate for ourselves as a group because, given our social and communications issues, it's so difficult for us to operate in the real world of social interactions. Was your YouTube video a one-off or did you start a channel? I would be interested to view it if you did.

 

[100skerls]

It’s a bit embarrassing because I’m not so good at talking on camera But I will link it. I have lots of other videos posted there but they are just videos of animals mostly.

I think I might want to get serious about having a real YouTube channel at some point. I’ve never thought of myself as being someone who ever has anything very profound to say. So it would probably be like a Vlog journaling type of thing for me to look back on.

 

[100skerls]

Yeah. That layered with the lack of community/ peer support Can make it very difficult. You kind of have to brave through it and it’s not easy at first. I don’t care anymore if I embarrass myself or if anyone thinks I’m odd. I am odd lmao. I just don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing

 

[texkag]

the world

Yeah. That layered with the lack of community/ peer support Can make it very difficult. You kind of have to brave through it and it’s not easy at first. I don’t care anymore if I embarrass myself or if anyone thinks I’m odd. I am odd lmao. I just don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing

I agree. We are all odd, and those that aren't are quite frankly dull. I watched your video and was impressed by how honest it was. I think that anyone on the spectrum, or any perceptive person, would realise that the delay at the start was you lining your thoughts up. So, from the beginning, you were showing us what being on the spectrum actually looks like. Throughout the video, you were remarkably open.

As you were speaking about feeling like a burden you reminded me of my daughter, who is also on the spectrum. For a long time, it didn't matter what my wife or I said to her. If we pointed out the many ways she contributed to the household and our happiness, she didn't seem to take it in. When our self-esteem is critically low we seem to have an amazing capacity for filtering out compliments and positive messages. We can even resent them because they do challenge our distorted vision of ourselves.

Overall, what you did with your video was to tell the world what autism looks like for you, and by extension what it looks like for other young women, or anyone on the spectrum. I can tell you this, we have all felt, and have at one time or other been made to feel, like a burden. I will leave a comment on your video expressing this so people realise how common this is. As you pointed out yourself, feeling that way isn't restricted to the ASD community. My wife is physically disabled and relies on me, and increasingly our daughter, for almost everything. She regularly tells me that she feels like a burden.

There are times when I can handle that properly and remind her of all the ways she has helped me, but at others, especially if I'm overloaded I simply ignore it or brush it off. At such times she may see that as confirmation. I don't know. It's often difficult to know how to respond and we don't always get things right.

The point is, and I promise I'll get there now, that you got me thinking deeply. THat's how I responded and I'm sure how others will respond too. So, if you do decide to start your channel, know what a contribution you'll be making for the community as a whole.

 

[100skerls]

That is such a warming and thoughtful reply. I am so happy to know someone appreciated it thank you so much for your perspective and insight. You’ve given me something to think about too, much appreciated!

 

[Finder]

I was recently diagnosed (July 2020) and I am 56. I have come out to people and colleagues I trust. And I think that is important. While I think NTs have a hard time understanding autism (and I do as well and I am living it), I think they will put that in context to who you are. If they trust and respect you, they will be generous with you if you disclose. However, if they are abusive, I am not sure the disclosure will bring anything but more abuse.

I have found this a good essay: Acceptance as a Well Being Practice

I have also been thinking of being more open about my ASD. Even to the point of talking about it online. Naturally, I need to say something worth saying. But I find it a complex topic. I am not sure what I will do.