can't tell if people like me

[hannahhannah]

Hey everybody
I hope you are all well. I have a somewhat weird question (I think. maybe it's not weird). I have always had this problem that I just cannot tell if people like me. Like when I meet someone new (in both, new friendship or dating). I just cannot tell if they like me. I have no idea. But I can't really just ask them

In addition to this, whenever I say or do something that I think might be off putting I ponder over this forever and I'm afraid that even if that person did like me before, she/he for sure won't anymore now. But again, I can't ask if that's the case so basically I just wait and see if they contact me again.

Like for example today, me and a fairly new friend of mine (we met in April) went for a walk with our dogs. I really like her, she's great and it's a pretty comfortable friendship for me (no need for pointless smalltalk, we meet once a week for a walk, usually at the same day and time, etc).

However, I did something stupid (was a little too harsh with my dog when she was being an asshole to one of her dogs). I feel horrible and I think she will think I'm a horrible person. We did agree to meet on sunday though, but still, I just don't know if she likes me or is just being nice. I'm not sure if that has to do with my difficulty to perceive other people's emotions, body language etc. or if I'm just under the impression to not be very lovable since most people seem to stop liking me eventually.

So, the question is, is that just me or do you guys have this experience too?

 

[Tom]

I wouldn't worry about your friend. Your dog on the other hand...

 

[hannahhannah]

I wouldn't worry about your friend. Your dog on the other hand...

Very helpful, thank you.

 

[paloftoon]

One can't always tell. Context and time is what you need to tell for sure. If people don't initiate with you or respond to questions enough, and if you know it's not due to anxiety or because they don't know what to say, then they are not interested. As you get to know a person more, you can tell if they get anxious or not. If they always spend time with other people and don't consider you, then they probably don't like or care about you.

No, you wouldn't immediately ask a person if they are anxious or don't know what to say unless they give you a reason within the context of the situation. That is how you tell. You piece things together slowly. You usually don't know right away. There are exceptions, but generally you don't know right away.

 

[Suzanne]

I am just like you and found a successful way to see if I am liked or not ( unless the person actually says they like me).

I know it is going to be hard to wait for the weekend, because I am such good company! I based that around your issue with your new friend.

Basically, it does take courage, unless you do like yourself.

I find it works. The person has laughed and said: get away with you, Suzanne. It was great seeing you and look forward to next week. Viola I am liked!

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

I always base it on how long the person hangs out with you, if they continue to hang with you, if they even rely on you or keep in touch with you, then they're your friend.

 

[Gracey]

I used to care about the way I came across to people.

Now I couldn’t give a monkey’s.

Without bursting into song...
“I am what I am”


The more stressed you are the more your dog will feel it and react to it.

Calm is key.
Quite a few (dog) behavioural issues can be traced back to an owner being too stressed or anxious while out on a walk.
Some confident dogs can handle it, some dogs act out of character and start; what we might term,‘misbehaving.
When really it’s usually just cause and effect.

Your friend still wants to walk with you on Sunday though right?

Enjoy the time you spend together
Don’t try to second guess what people think.
We may believe one thing and yet the opposite may also be true

Just enjoy your dog and your walk

 

[Fino]

Am I the only one here that just asks these sorts of things? I've always had difficulty not saying what I'm thinking so it just pours into this..

Are you mad at me? Am I annoying? Do you hate me? Did you have fun? It's okay if you don't want to talk to me ever again. When I said that thing did it bother you? Are you unhappy right now? Am I bothering you? Should I stop talking? Should I leave you alone?

And on and on and on...

 

[Progster]

I don't know whether people like me or not, and it used to worry me when I was younger, but now I don't need people in my life so much and I don't care that much -especially when people dislike me for superficial reasons such as not sharing their opinion about something, or not liking something that they like and saying so. People find me boring because I don't talk much, I'm not into sports or movies or TV shows, and I really struggle with banter and this notion that one must always be fun, smiley and cheerful.