Can a person on the autism spectrum go out socialising at bars?

[Levitator]

I've seen people get visibly frustrated with my thought process.. I try to save my over thinking and pondering for my diary now. (Or maybe here too lol). I guess most people don't like to think critically or ruminate quite like autistics do. I was even described by a shrink as "over inclusive in detail". I actually took offense at that for a short while!

With that kind of programme I think they're a non threatening type of disabled where as people like you and me who are less obviously disabled are in the uncanny valley.

It's not often hate or derision I get, sometimes maybe a cringe at most and walking away. Crushing all the same though. Yes it could be their insecurities.

I suspect that a lot of people are in the uncanny valley, where they are not seen as having different cognition, but they are instead seen as ugly in their manner of being, and that's all the justification the world needs to exclude you and worse. Furthermore, I've seen an obviously physically disabled woman get honked at on the street for limping across the sidewalk with her paralyzed hand held up in the air. That's what they're like. I was initially put off of motorcycling because I realized that most of the courtesy you witness on the road is actually predicated on the question of how much damage a collision would cause. It's the same character or lack thereof at work. So, don't ever assume that identifying with a condition will get you sympathy. The vulnerability it projects can outweigh that, and you may not be happy with what you learn about human nature.

Yes, people think my thought process is exhausting. That's how my mind works. I get tired easily, it's extra effort for me to reach out to others, but I can solve problems other people can't or won't.

 

[Levitator]

My ASD is more complex, like it doesn't take much mental energy for me to mask socially. So I can survive without everyone needing to know about ASD.

As I said, it can be a matter of interpretation, because rejection can leave holes in your life, which are like the blindspot in your retina. You will never know what people denied you because it was never there, and then they won't tell you whether it's because you came off as autistic, or they simply didn't like you. It doesn't make much difference what they were thinking, does it? Oftentimes, they weren't thinking at all, and it's like an instinct or a feeling found unpleasant, so they turn their back on you.

 

[AngelaS267]

Yes I can. I actually feel charismatic and have social pacing like a neurotypical person when I'm drinking. I think I'm a pretty good time. Which is why I don't go to the bar often cause I don't want to rely on alcohol to feel "normal."

 

[AngelaS267]

I was also very afraid to go out to the bar, like the thought would cause me dread. But once you're there, and hopefully with people you trust, it's never as bad as I make it out to be. I'd imagine it's harder for aspies who struggle to mask effectively enough to navigate social situations.

 

[Levitator]

The one type of bar-like environment I've had fun in is where you have open-mic style music venues, so it's full of musicians and open-minded people who are willing to appreciate less than polished performances. A room full of music nerds can be a good time.

 

[Misty Avich]

Well my cousin has always been into trance and techno music but I don't know if the bars he went to had that type of music. They seemed more like the type of bars where drug-addicts hang out, or just young people to socialise. I don't know if he goes out to them now, but he's still into techno music and sometimes posts pictures of him and a couple of friends at a techno concert.

He still seems to have more friends than me. When I went to a family wedding, a female friend of his turned up. Nobody else there had friends with them. He's gay, o it wasn't a girlfriend.

But I think he succeeds with friendships but not romantic relationships, while I've never been that successful with friendships but I'm successful with romantic relationships.