Can a person on the autism spectrum go out socialising at bars?

[marc_101]

So could my cousin still be on the spectrum even though he went out to bars with friends in his youth?

Haha. Of course. I was there most days.

 

[Levitator]

Even if it were people with grudges, it fails to explain why nothing good ever comes of socialization either. It's not just active nastiness, it's passive failure.

 

[Judge]

This is an issue that periodically pops up in the forum. The misunderstanding that autism is synonymous with introversion. It's not true. From time to time over the years I have met people here on the spectrum who were most definitely extroverted and had no problem going to all kinds of venues just to be social.

Perhaps the very issue of what people think constitutes extroverts versus introverts relative to autism should be reexamined.

A Theory About Introversion, Extroversion, and Autism

One researcher theorizes that introversion and extroversion are not related.

www.psychologytoday.com

 

[Misty Avich]

This is an issue that periodically pops up in the forum. The misunderstanding that autism is synonymous with introversion. It's not true. From time to time over the years I have met people here on the spectrum who were most definitely extroverted and had no problem going to all kinds of venues just to be social.

Perhaps the very issue of what people think constitutes extroverts versus introverts relative to autism should be reexamined.

A Theory About Introversion, Extroversion, and Autism

One researcher theorizes that introversion and extroversion are not related.

www.psychologytoday.com

I've always been sociable, albeit shy. As a kid I was naturally sociable and hated being on my own.

But with autism it's not about being introverted, but about difficulties making friends and coping with the party environment (sensory).

 

[Levitator]

This is an issue that periodically pops up in the forum. The misunderstanding that autism is synonymous with introversion. It's not true. From time to time over the years I have met people here on the spectrum who were most definitely extroverted and had no problem going to all kinds of venues just to be social.

Perhaps the very issue of what people think constitutes extroverts versus introverts relative to autism should be reexamined.

A Theory About Introversion, Extroversion, and Autism

One researcher theorizes that introversion and extroversion are not related.

www.psychologytoday.com

I've seen autistic people who are extroverted (Love on the Spectrum), and their gestures and outward presentation are a beautiful mess, to me. I think a girl who has escaped being crushed just for being different, and who is reaching out to people in a unique way, however awkward, is to be admired and loved. I also worry that they are going to meet the wrong crowd, or the wrong person, and it will change them. It's a horrible world, and I can't stand it.

 

[Jeff T]

The last time I tried socializing at a sports bar didn't go especially well. Between the loud talk and blaring music, it overwhelmed my quiet voice. I did play pool for a few games. The table next over was also manned by people in the meetup group. A gal there was perplexed at how to reach the cue ball, so I showed her how to reach it with a bridge.
She ran off to complain to the group leader, and then left the building. I guess my anxiety triggered her anxiety, or perhaps she'd gone through bad times with other men? I should mind my own business.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

I don't think autism has that much to do with it, since we're just all so different. I had times in my past where I went out on Friday nights fairly regularly at high school, I wouldn't exactly call it clubbing but just people from my school hanging out in front of this bar. Pretty lame, in retrospect, but just kind of the Friday night ritual. At uni, it got way less, although I did go to a few parties and enjoyed myself on most of them, although I don't (or barely) drink.

For me, the most important factor in going out to bars or parties seems to be who I'm friends with - and I mean friends I'm really comfortable with. I was usually friends with people who were not so much into parties or who were more shy or introverted, but from time to time we felt like going to a party and then we went together and kind of supported each other and had fun with each other. A few times I went with friends who party harder and drank more and that was just not fun because I ended up looking after them when they were drunk.
Once when I was traveling on my own and stayed in a hostel, I spontaneously ended up going to a club with a group of very nice people there, and it was a great time. However, they were also not the type to get completely wasted, but just had a few drinks and danced and we had a good time. But that was really a one-off in my life, I'm usually not so good with meeting a bunch of people spontaneously.

So yeah, I think there's not really that much of a connection. There might be a higher probability of autistic people finding parties too loud and crowded so they don't go. Interestingly, I never had a problem with loud music at parties and concerts because I love music and dancing, but am very sensitive to othe kind of noise.
So your cousin might just as well be autistic and like to party. He might have difficulties with other things instead.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I know autism doesn't necessarily preclude every autistic person from accomplishing stuff, but I still find it hard to imagine an autistic person going out on the town to bars regularly with friends.

While I'm a very non-stereotypical Aspie, the only stereotype I do have is that I was a shut-in between the ages of 18 and 24 (the peak stage where people like going out to bars on Friday and Saturday nights).

While one of my cousins remains undiagnosed, I'm pretty sure he's on the spectrum. I'm not sure what he does now, but when he was aged between 18 and 24 he was always out clubbing and at bars with friends, even though he's always been shy and had trouble making friends when he was younger. He worked full-time as well.

Why did I happen to be a shut-in, while other Aspies seem to manage to force themselves to get up and go out to bars? I seemed scared of that sort of scene, due to social anxiety. I forced myself once to go out to a bar with my brother (who is also supposed to be an Aspie) when I was about 22, but I got bored and was worried about making a social faux pas, so I was home by 9.30pm. What 22-year-old goes out to a bar with people their age, doesn't touch a drop of alcohol, and is home by 9.30? I didn't even have work to get up for in the morning, as I was still unemployed.

Does going out to bars and having a group of friends to do it with mean you're not on the spectrum, or do some spectrumers actually like that sort of thing?

What you are describing is more under the category of social anxiety. Imagine a Venn diagram, autism and social anxiety. There is autism, there is social anxiety, and there are autistics with social anxiety. Neurotypicals can have social anxiety. I certainly have my issues, but social anxiety isn't one of them. My issues are more in the realm of reciprocity, reading people, and not being able to converse back-and-forth skillfully. Social events typically exhaust me.

I've been out to social events with co-workers. Not frequently, mind you, but for example, the last time I was out, about 2 months ago, was for a co-worker who was retiring. She was important enough for me to go out of my way to be there for her.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I’ve done it before and without even consuming any alcohol. I most went to a local gay bar before it closed for the drag shows.

 

[Misty Avich]

What you are describing is more under the category of social anxiety. Imagine a Venn diagram, autism and social anxiety. There is autism, there is social anxiety, and there are autistics with social anxiety. Neurotypicals can have social anxiety. I certainly have my issues, but social anxiety isn't one of them. My issues are more in the realm of reciprocity, reading people, and not being able to converse back-and-forth skillfully. Social events typically exhaust me.

My issues are more typical social anxiety. I can read people just fine, although I feel a bit awkward with conversations if I don't know people well. I just clam up. But once I feel comfortable with people I'm more or less like an NT, socially. Although my ADHD is more obvious, like I can be hyperactive, silly, inattentive and easily distracted. This can lead to social faux pas, which I get easily embarrassed about.

I am extremely sensitive to embarrassment. I don't even fart in front of anybody, not my husband who I've been with for 10 years, not even my own mother. I just get really embarrassed about it, and it's just private to me. Just like my ASD diagnosis. I keep that private too (outside of this forum) because I feel too embarrassed about it.

 

[thejuice]

I find loud crowded clubs chaotic and unpleasant, though if the music is good, that can make it worthwhile. I will sometimes go to a calm bar to have a drink or two, to get out of the house, and to at least observe other people having fun. From an actual interaction perspective, both activities are generally a total bust, and I'm happy not to get harassed, physically assaulted, or reported to staff for the sin of greeting or looking at someone the wrong way.
It's entirely possible that I look a lot more awkward to people than I'm aware of. It's shaping up that way. Oh, well.

There are people who I think are an entirely lovable disaster in terms of obvious gaze, focus, and interaction issues, and I'd be happy to spend time with them instead.

When I go out I feel like a scientist on the fringes, observing a fascinating species.

 

[Misty Avich]

My cousin used to have some sort of social anxiety when he was little. Whenever he came round to play we weren't allowed to invite any other children round because he'd go home (he only lived in the next street from me). His mum described him as "a child who finds it hard to mix". He was also extremely shy as an adolescent, and couldn't cope at birthday parties. He had a lot more typical autism symptoms as a child but was never diagnosed.
Me, I didn't have social anxiety when I was little, but got diagnosed with Asperger's, and developed social anxiety when I was a teenager.

 

[Misty Avich]

When I go out I feel like a scientist on the fringes, observing a fascinating species.

When I go out I feel out of place and have to concentrate on not looking nervous or shy.

 

[thejuice]

When I go out I feel out of place and have to concentrate on not looking nervous or shy.

My problem is looking mean and unfriendly. At least that's what I think it is.

 

[thejuice]

I remember my cousin inviting one of his friends round and having a mild panic about it but turns out he was nice and we got on

 

[thejuice]

I've seen autistic people who are extroverted (Love on the Spectrum), and their gestures and outward presentation are a beautiful mess, to me. I think a girl who has escaped being crushed just for being different, and who is reaching out to people in a unique way, however awkward, is to be admired and loved. I also worry that they are going to meet the wrong crowd, or the wrong person, and it will change them. It's a horrible world, and I can't stand it.

What's that programme like? I haven't watched it because in the past reality TV mocked people with disabilities, like they were a circus act.

 

[thejuice]

The last time I tried socializing at a sports bar didn't go especially well. Between the loud talk and blaring music, it overwhelmed my quiet voice. I did play pool for a few games. The table next over was also manned by people in the meetup group. A gal there was perplexed at how to reach the cue ball, so I showed her how to reach it with a bridge.
She ran off to complain to the group leader, and then left the building. I guess my anxiety triggered her anxiety, or perhaps she'd gone through bad times with other men? I should mind my own business.

Hope you're able to kind of put a personal shield up against that kind of thing and not let it effect you. Some people are just unpredictable.

 

[Levitator]

What's that programme like? I haven't watched it because in the past reality TV mocked people with disabilities, like they were a circus act.

I saw ads for it, and it was both interesting and also hard to watch. Like, really hard to watch. It's the same effect that we have on normal people. We are hard to watch. I've been told that to witness my thought process is exhausting. The difference is that they respond with hate and derision. I feel a lot of compassion for that bunch, but it also feels intensely embarrassing because I know that I relate to a lot of those tendencies in some measure, but I have no way of gauging the degree of correspondence, so it's really uncomfortable. It's not their fault, though, it's a matter of insecurity, whether it's me or the general public feeling the discomfort. The key difference is not to crucify people for your own insecurity. It's a despairingly popular and natural tendency the world exhibits, though, isn't it?

 

[thejuice]

I've seen people get visibly frustrated with my thought process.. I try to save my over thinking and pondering for my diary now. (Or maybe here too lol). I guess most people don't like to think critically or ruminate quite like autistics do. I was even described by a shrink as "over inclusive in detail". I actually took offense at that for a short while!

With that kind of programme I think they're a non threatening type of disabled where as people like you and me who are less obviously disabled are in the uncanny valley.

It's not often hate or derision I get, sometimes maybe a cringe at most and walking away. Crushing all the same though. Yes it could be their insecurities.

 

[Misty Avich]

My ASD is more complex, like it doesn't take much mental energy for me to mask socially. So I can survive without everyone needing to know about ASD.