Behaving weirdly because you know there are extra snags for people like you

[Berianireth]

Okay this is kind of a sensitive issue for me, but I'm not sure where else to go for advice if not here; I am interested in carrying on somewhat of a love life, but I've found that things between me and other people, especially of the opposite sex, tend to be very superficial unless there happens to be very deep commonality. I'm busy, and the people I love unconditionally are also busy. Granted I have a need for distance, but I am starting to feel too empty and powerless lately and I'd really like to have some fun in my next decade of life! So I'm considering stooping... casual dating and possibly relationships that are purely physical might be alright. My only concern is that I'm a bit of a weirdo to men because I've finally realized that it's just about *always* just sex. I'm a grown woman, so the mature thing to do is accept this but I'm not on birth control and frankly I catastrophize with people I've met recently. Suppose the person has an STD, or what if they're grossly abusive? I feel like I need to create a standard for my interactions before I continue because I'm on the verge of becoming a very well-known coffee slut that puzzles and hurts busy graduate students. Any advice?

 

[Balkan1996]

I agree it's hard to find a normal person who doesn't submit to popular culture.

I kinda feel the same way as you, although I'm a male with asexual tendencies. It's true, 80% of guys just want to have sex, but 80% of girls want to date doctors. We are animals, it's in our DNA.

You have Asperger's, so I assume you follow reason more than your emotions.
Look at it mathematically: let's say 20% of population goes into a basket called 'potential soulmate'. That's every fifth guy you meet on the street! Of course, considering you won't go into clubs if you want to get married, those chances increase! And every time you date one of those 20%, your chances of finding your soulmate increase! You know when they decrease? When you stay at home feeling sorry for not having a relationship.

I say you give your best shot in finding someone! Never give up, your clone is somewhere out there!

 

[Berianireth]

Lmao actually I was kind of dating a doctor before things evolved with someone else so it's funnu you say it! Thanks for encouraging me I haven't had much luck in the past and although I have heard marriage does stress women more and I can only envision an arrangement being more difficult for me I really crave some compaderi from someone. I have to keep the positive just as in-mind as the negatives.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="Berianireth, I can only envision an arrangement being more difficult for me I really crave some compaderi from someone. I have to keep the positive just as in-mind as the negatives.[/QUOTE]

I don't know what to say on your first post it is true the greatest fear guy's have is a cold marriage. But there are ways to charm a guy and make him feel you are really into him other than sleeping with him. Us guy,s have our hidden fears too, will she love me, will she respect me, will she treat me right, and will she trade me in for a better model. Worrying about this too much can likely make you drive even a perfect match into the ground. But it does pay to be safe I look at videos on youtube on how to spot usury and bad personality traits, it's a little depressing but necsissary. For me I'm looking for the warm, soft, fuzzy, coming together thing, where we help each other work out things, with out throwing plates at each others heads. Some days I wonder if such a thing is possible, but every once in a while you see someone who seems to have that. I thought I had that compaderi thing with my ex-girlfriend sometimes when I could get her to just be in the moment things just felt (right), which is a nice feeling. I think it may be wise to leave the over thinking until after the date is over. Sigh! Hey I saw your profile you seem to be a very intelligent and interesting person.

 

[Berianireth]

It is wise and yes overvoicing concerns does dampen a lot of things. I'm trying to be mindful of that here. I'm most afraid however that I'm just not as interesting and as "woman" as other women.

 

[Maelstrom]

It is wise and yes overvoicing concerns does dampen a lot of things. I'm trying to be mindful of that here. I'm most afraid however that I'm just not as interesting and as "woman" as other women.

Aaaw! try not to think that way..You are bright and attractive and do lots of cool things...anyways those supermodels are not the great bargan everyone thinks, pretty girls can be as mean as junkyard dogs some times. There's always a chance at catching a nice guy on the rebound from one of those.

 

[Berianireth]

Guys on rebounds are skittish and mean! Like me!!! Thanks though Mael you're very kind.

 

[Maelstrom]

Guys on rebounds are skittish and mean! Like me!!! Thanks though Mael you're very kind.

Well being too depressed or selling ones self short never helps with finding love. As for bitterness I try not walk that road as much as I can, but any debts owed on that front should stay with those who ran them up. I believe in only passing on the love or at least trying to, none of us are perfect. Anyways tomorrow is a new day and the sun may decide to smile on us.

 

[Berianireth]

I really don't project bitterness I hope. Most people interpret me as too picky apparently but I'm actually just not too sure what to make of most people and thus scared!

 

[Maelstrom]

I really don't project bitterness I hope. Most people interpret me as too picky apparently but I'm actually just not too sure what to make of most people and thus scared!

Ah I know how you feel, by the time I figure out a girl likes me and decide I want to like her back, I've offended her pride and she wants to kick me in the you know whats and move on.

 

[Berianireth]

It's always that same story for everyone though essentially. We can blame timing, aspergers, the light of the moon... sigh. All the bright little things they are confused so easily.

 

[Maelstrom]

It's always that same story for everyone though essentially. We can blame timing, aspergers, the light of the moon... sigh. All the bright little things they are confused so easily.

Yes I know the it's not me the moon made me lose her thing. Courtship really is a complex dance of trying to be aggressive enough to light the fire while, backing off enough at the right moments so they feel safe and the need to still chase you back a little. Apparently being too easy just bores most people, I am not fond of such head games but see no way of avoiding them. So I go watch dating stuff on youtube and hope some of it sticks so maybe i can make the next girl happy.

 

[Berianireth]

Lol! I like life hacks articles. I get ya! You'll find yourself as an extension of someone eventually. Or you'll just end up one of those people that loves being alone and can deal with that! Part of me sees that being me. I think I like to flit more sometimes. I genuinely do enjoy people and love them but I want my space. I don't know if any man can really offer me that because it's all internal. I just wish I could own my life more you know? Lol

 

[Maelstrom]

Lol! I like life hacks articles. I get ya! You'll find yourself as an extension of someone eventually. Or you'll just end up one of those people that loves being alone and can deal with that! Part of me sees that being me. I think I like to flit more sometimes. I genuinely do enjoy people and love them but I want my space. I don't know if any man can really offer me that because it's all internal. I just wish I could own my life more you know? Lol

I agree I feel the same way I need and like the solitude but that 10% or 20% of the time, I go oh nuts I need some TLC or face time or I'm going to start talking to the chickens too much. So I guess it comes down to finding some one who matches that or finding some one who is willing to leave me at home once in a while and light up the town with the girls.