bad somewhat disheartening experiances with other aspie freinds.

[the-commander]

i have a pair of freinds who (like me) have aspergers and some pretty serious isnues have come between us and i feel like its time to move on. It was a hard decision to make but in general i feel like they always underestemated me and that when i was with them i was living a stereotype of what people like us where supposed to be like and like we always were kinda "the only ones each other could turn to" and like it was limiting me and that i wasent doing what i wanted with my life, i guess you could say it was a fourm of internallized prejeduce. they actually stoped me from picking up chicks by saying "hes retarded dont listen to him" at one point even though i hadent messed up in any way and they always talked about how lonley and pathetic and stuff they where and joked about it all the time. it never felt like a group i wanted to be part of and it always had the undertone of us being the rejects that could never be as good as other people, which is part of why i was hesitant to join a site like this but you all seem a lot more proud and suportive then they where. i am just wondering, has anyone else experianced this?or internalized shame within the comunity in general?

 

[Nitro]

I hate negativity of any kind...I have always gravitated towards people who supported me instead of running me down. I can sense if another I am talking to has autistic traits and for the most part get along fine with them. I find it unfortunate that you had to experience this...pals come and go,good friendships are harder to find. Consider it another page turned in your book of life and move forward in the next direction that you choose. As selfish as it might sound,you are the only one you need to please. To have ill feelings from being around your crew of aspienauts tells me your present mission is headed to deep space and ready to crash. I think you want to be your own person who wants to expand their world,not hide from it by assuming a role to please others who hate themselves.

I am very proud to be autistic,it made me the only one like me

 

[Etzelaire]

It has its pros and cons. On the up side I am sure I perceive the world in a different way and it is awesome. On the down side I feel alone and feel bad about most of our social constructs.

 

[Peace]

Personally I could care a less if someone is purple and has trees growing out of their head. If they are nice, they are in. Or, if it feels good, do it. This group you describe does not sound like a healthy bunch to be around, nor have I heard any reason to stay. Yes, friendships are difficult for us. To this day, I travel alone. I don't want it to be that way, but I will not exchange my happiness for company. It is a bad deal.

 

[the-commander]

It has its pros and cons. On the up side I am sure I perceive the world in a different way and it is awesome. On the down side I feel alone and feel bad about most of our social constructs.

on a more practical note, i as a small child with quasi intelectual tendenceies and an unussually large vocabulary but i also ocasionally bit people.

 

[the-commander]

Personally I could care a less if someone is purple and has trees growing out of their head. If they are nice, they are in. Or, if it feels good, do it. This group you describe does not sound like a healthy bunch to be around, nor have I heard any reason to stay. Yes, friendships are difficult for us. To this day, I travel alone. I don't want it to be that way, but I will not exchange my happiness for company. It is a bad deal.

i have other friends, i have A LOT of other friends. im pretty sure im not gonna be alone if i abandon these guys,

 

[Ylva]

Invalidating someone by calling them "retarded" is probably the most dehumanising way. It will stop people from taking anything you say seriously. So, based only on that, I'd say ditch them. I would.

 

[JohnH]

It's good to have groups of people who you can relate to and who share your interests. You have to be on guard, however, from it turning into an echo chamber where the same thoughts and ideas resonate back and forth and you are not exposed to new ideas, concepts, or approaches.

Some people will consciously or subconsciously sabotage your efforts for improvement or seeking other experiences outside of the group, because they may find a lot of comfort and support from being in the group and don't want to risk it disintegrating or risk you leaving it or becoming a smaller part of it. They may mean well, but it can be damaging.

The best friends are those who try to encourage and help you rather than seek to keep you limited.

 

[AsheSkyler]

They didn't sound like very good friends. Some people are only happy when they're miserable and they sound like that type. I've only been on this forum for two days, but everybody here looks like they're pretty normal. Er, relatively normal anyway, heehee. They have their ups and downs and passions and interests, and everybody looks like they'd rather be happy than set up some kind of personal prison to sulk in.

 

[Cerulean]

I have. I joined a local aspie group and made friends with a couple. We added each other on facebook where they post publicly some very sexually inappropriate posts and comments on each others' wall. After a few months of being uncomfortable with it and seeing other comments that suggested others weren't comfortable either, I suggested they use the private message function for those conversations. It was awkward for a day, we unfriended, and that was that.

After awhile, maybe 6 months, I went back to the aspie group because I was feeling a need for community support, and happened to run into them again. I totally forgot about our exchange and wondered for about an hour why they weren't even looking my direction. Once I remembered I left as soon as I could. I've made a few friends from that group but unfortunately I feel like I've gotten all I can from it, have nothing to contribute, and at least two people actively don't want me there, so I guess I'm done with that.