Awareness of your mannerisms in social interactions

[Sherlock77]

The main thing I know is that I rarely smile, as someone else said earlier in the thread, it just doesn't seem natural for me to do. Actually, people who constantly smile and joke drive me crazy, as I have a tendency to be quite sombre, if that's the right word.

 

[Molly]

In social situations I always feel I am overcompensating, in that I feel compelled to pretend I am so happy and so 'normal', when in truth I must looks like I am stark raving bonkers... But I just cannot stop myself...

 

[Alaska]

The expression that we regularly wear on our faces in public is at least partly a habit. Habits can be changed. I have been working on changing my habitual expression. Some spiritual stuff I read said that it is good to wear a sort of half smile all the time. I am not good at it yet, but am still working on it.

I decided to do this because people have occasionally told me that my expression scared them. I realized that not going around wearing an expession that scares people is a choice I can make.

 

[JamesBon92007]

I was thinking about it last night (most of this is very new to me--I just very recently read some books on Asperger's but have suspected for some time) and realized that a big part of the reason I like to watch old movies is so I can study interactions between people and use them as examples. There are many examples of how a person will respond in different situations and what the consequences may be with various approaches. Charles Bronson taught me how to "show no fear" and this is helpful when being confronted by the "bad guys." Other actors have shown me such things as how to approach women--one method may get your face slapped but another, well, you know.

 

[mw2530]

I also have exaggerated facial expressions when I interact with people.

Yes, this is me too. I never realized it for a long time, but I usually have a huge grin on my face when I talk to others. Or even just pass by a person. It is an awkward smile and not attractive and it is definitely not the result of being happy. It is the result of not being able to make sentences on the fly. Lately I've been more aware of it and have much better control of it, but it still shows up when I am tired or feel out of my element.

 

[Thursday]

I never realized it for a long time, but I usually have a huge grin on my face when I talk to others.

Same here. It used to be that my face gets tired because I smile the whole day, but now I've learned to tone it down and find excuses to give myself breaks (like staying in the bathroom a few minutes longer).

 

[AshleyDS]

Yes, this is me too. I never realized it for a long time, but I usually have a huge grin on my face when I talk to others. Or even just pass by a person. It is an awkward smile and not attractive and it is definitely not the result of being happy. It is the result of not being able to make sentences on the fly. Lately I've been more aware of it and have much better control of it, but it still shows up when I am tired or feel out of my element.

I have that, but also move my mouth too much and my eyes go a little buggy - my husband calls them my "laser eyes"

 

[Yet_Another_Little_Prof]

This may sound odd, but do any of you feel like you look normal when you are alone and look yourself in the mirror, but you appear to be almost a different person when you are in a social setting. It is hard to explain, but I've caught glimpses of myself in a mirror or a reflection while in a social setting and I look a whole lot different than when I am alone. I think it mostly has to do with my mannerisms in a social setting. It is quite obvious to me that I am not typical and I can understand how someone can quickly pick up that something is not quite right with me. But when I am alone, I appear quite normal. Maybe that's why it is so difficult to be aware of how we present ourselves in social settings - it is b/c we are blind to our differences when we are alone, but they emerge when with others. This post probably sounds confusing, but has anyone else noticed this?

I can even see these in the mirror. I often hold my head at a weird angle. My facial movements are abnormal. One of my stims is rhythmic motion of the lower jaw and at times it shows up as a strange oscillation of the muscles around my mouth and jaw.

 

[Alaska]

I have not looked at this thread due to no recent posts, so there were a lot more of them when I looked just now. It is amazing how similar our experiences are sometimes.

Physically, I am not that imposing, but apparently I scare the stuff out of people with my expression, fairly often. This can not be good for one's social life. I am not sure whether looking scary or dorky is worse, but it really doesn't matter if you want decent social interactions.

We clearly have our work cut out for us here on this site. It is pitiful that we have to work so hard at things NTs take for granted. Oh well. At least we know what part of our problem is. Identifying a problem is a big part of solving it. I mean -

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

The expression that we regularly wear on our faces in public is at least partly a habit. Habits can be changed. I have been working on changing my habitual expression. Some spiritual stuff I read said that it is good to wear a sort of half smile all the time. I am not good at it yet, but am still working on it.

I decided to do this because people have occasionally told me that my expression scared them. I realized that not going around wearing an expession that scares people is a choice I can make.

Yes and tone down the scary clown make up.
Just a tad.

 

[Sherlock77]

Let's see... Long hair, in a pony tail lately, longish beard, just shy of 6 feet tall, relatively slim build, always leave the house with a proper hat ranging from a wide brim fedora to cowboy hat, I have at least ten different choices to make, hat choices that is... Usually camera in tow

I love wearing my cowboy boots when it's not winter! What else? My favourite winter coat is a full length navy blue London Fog, match that up with a fedora or cowboy hat? I also have coats that are are shorter, but I don't like wearing a ski jacket or the standard parka in winter, need something much nicer...

Also just acquired a Aussie style duster coat, full length of course, waiting until it's cold enough to start wearing that, I purchased it in the heat of mid-summer but for a great price... I think I freak some people out, lots of other people seem to hardly even notice...

I'm friendly enough but not a huge person for smiling, it just doesn't come natural to me like some people, as a photographer I'm always analyzing a scene I encounter in my head, even when I don't have my camera along with me... I can't say for sure, but it may come across in my facial expression at times...

 

[fairy_girl]

I used to have a resting witch face when I was younger because I was always concentrating on everything around me and dealing with my own thoughts too. I mostly smile (not a crazy Joker smile) now if it looks like I have a resting face but now I get told that I smile too much...which is it? If things get too much I mostly close my eyes till I can redirect my thoughts and to focus on the tasks at hand.

 

[vangelis]

Constantly told I look serious/bored/annoyed and I absolutely hate being asked to smile for photographs [not that it happens often]. People who are always smiling/laughing worry me considerably.

 

[Gracey]

If I'm accused of scowling, it's usually when I'm in my head puzzling something through.
I walk around the house wearing this expression. If husband interrupts me it takes me a moment to come back down to earth but I'm also looking at him at the same time.

So I'm scowling and staring at him, or staring right through him as he says.
He says it's a scary look.

 

[Kailin]

This may sound odd, but do any of you feel like you look normal when you are alone and look yourself in the mirror, but you appear to be almost a different person when you are in a social setting. It is hard to explain, but I've caught glimpses of myself in a mirror or a reflection while in a social setting and I look a whole lot different than when I am alone. I think it mostly has to do with my mannerisms in a social setting. It is quite obvious to me that I am not typical and I can understand how someone can quickly pick up that something is not quite right with me. But when I am alone, I appear quite normal. Maybe that's why it is so difficult to be aware of how we present ourselves in social settings - it is b/c we are blind to our differences when we are alone, but they emerge when with others. This post probably sounds confusing, but has anyone else noticed this?

I think this has to do with trying to not seem strange that you actually come off as strange, there's self consciousness which ends up causing you to second guess everything you do and say, and the way you do or say it. It becomes a feedback loop, a vicious cycle. When alone, there's no reason to try, you just feel natural. No one is around to judge you or ridicule you or make you feel like a freak. I've been around people I feel totally accepted by (it's been a while, but it has happened in the past) and I am quite sure I come off as much more normal and natural. It really just has to do with feeling like someone accepts you and cares about you, I think. (Rhetorical you, or I could say me, since I am describing why I think this is also true of me.) I also think NT people are, in general, cliquish and prone to exclude people who speak or walk or look different. One friend tried to explain this: "the group avoids people who are sick," (wait, I don't have anything contagious- it's just a neurological glitch- and it actually might have some advantages when you get past the lack of extroversion!) But I don't think she wanted to hear that. Much easier to think of me as broken.

 

[Fitzo]

I think I definitely have a " bitchy resting face"
I think it's really my trying to concentrate on what's going on face....or.....my zoned out and not really there face.

I used to have an NT partner who had a particular smile he used when he was actually furious and about to lose it! Other people would be oblivious, but I recognized it and would head for the hills
It still makes me laugh just thinking about it

 

[Alexandria Holmes]

This may sound odd, but do any of you feel like you look normal when you are alone and look yourself in the mirror, but you appear to be almost a different person when you are in a social setting. It is hard to explain, but I've caught glimpses of myself in a mirror or a reflection while in a social setting and I look a whole lot different than when I am alone. I think it mostly has to do with my mannerisms in a social setting. It is quite obvious to me that I am not typical and I can understand how someone can quickly pick up that something is not quite right with me. But when I am alone, I appear quite normal. Maybe that's why it is so difficult to be aware of how we present ourselves in social settings - it is b/c we are blind to our differences when we are alone, but they emerge when with others. This post probably sounds confusing, but has anyone else noticed this?

My stepson is currently struggling with the whole self awareness thing. but he is only 11 so we are working on it with him like I tell my stepson, I think youre normal you just do things differently.