Awaiting results for my 5 year old....my life seems to be on a hold

[Hope]

A child whose only challenge was making friends where we simply perceived him as being ' picky', all his other habits are being rolled into Aspergers. When logic, routine and love work....how can it be turned around on that person....I am sure even at this age he realises that he is now being closely watched....this feels sick! I remember being in presence of difficult children during school life who today seem to be doing well. Is Aspergers really that big and life threatening...

 

[Rex]

Hope-

By your post and your username I feel you have taken a really negative approach.

Of course this might make things a bit more challenging but I think you need to lift your spirits. Your "worry" will only carry-over to your child and others. You should now be pro-active and positive.

I hope that helps.

 

[S0093679]

Hi Hope welcome to the forum! I guess it feels a bit intrusive to have your child "watched"? Try to relax if you can (I don't mean to sound patronising here). having aspergers isnt big and life threatening at all. Are the doctors/teachers etc making it out this way? There are so many positive traits to aspergers and you probably see these in your child as well as any negative behaviours or traits. Its really ok to feel shocked, invaded or sick, especially if you dont have a full understanding of what aspergers means (Im making some assumptions here - sorry if they are incorrect).

The doctors/teachers arent turning anything around against your child. Take a look at my daughter. She most likely is an aspie too. She is academically ahead of her peers by 4 years (she's nearly 8). She is excelling very quickly in music lessons and can sing very well with a flare for harmony. She is friendly, charming and so loyal to her friends. BUT she has other problems and as she grows these will need to be addressed and perhaps additional support may be needed. Her logic defies any common sense. She cant see how or why people get upset but she gets so upset if her behaviour is the reason. She is starting to see things which arent real, talk to non-existent friends, obssesses about the cats and bright colours, lines up all the toy cars over and over and over again, starts a million tasks and completes non after forgetting that any of them were started... the list goes on.

If you child has aspergers, its ok. It means that he/she will probably have specific talents, but other specific problems too. Having the label nowadays means getting access to additional support right through school and through university. Support which most students dont get and arent even aware of.

Ask as many questions as you can, read about aspergers and what it really means, not what the papers/press say.

 

[Hope]

Hope-

By your post and your username I feel you have taken a really negative approach.

Of course this might make things a bit more challenging but I think you need to lift your spirits. Your "worry" will only carry-over to your child and others. You should now be pro-active and positive.

I hope that helps.

Dear Rex

I am just reacting to what yesterday I saw as my child's strengths being turned into a symptom with larger implications for him and his future.

I know I need to be positive and proactive. I don't yet have the diagnosis in my hand. I am just feeling a little lost because I thought he was a difficult child ( only at school) is now being said to be suffering from a syndrome.

 

[Ereth]

Asperger's is only a "syndrome" if you let it be one, IMHO. (In fact, the DSM V recently retired the specific term----but that's another matter.) Even if your son's autism were more severe, I would say It's important to encourage him not to let this label define him. Certainly some people may hear "autism" or "Asperger's" and start assuming negative things, but if you make it known that your son's strengths are no less valid now than they were when you thought he was just "a difficult child" (that's a loaded, vague term I don't care to use), he will be all right.

Best wishes. I understand this must be scary. Sometimes I think my own parents are still trying to figure things out.

 

[Hope]

Hi Hope welcome to the forum! I guess it feels a bit intrusive to have your child "watched"? Try to relax if you can (I don't mean to sound patronising here). having aspergers isnt big and life threatening at all. Are the doctors/teachers etc making it out this way? There are so many positive traits to aspergers and you probably see these in your child as well as any negative behaviours or traits. Its really ok to feel shocked, invaded or sick, especially if you dont have a full understanding of what aspergers means (Im making some assumptions here - sorry if they are incorrect).

The doctors/teachers arent turning anything around against your child. Take a look at my daughter. She most likely is an aspie too. She is academically ahead of her peers by 4 years (she's nearly 8). She is excelling very quickly in music lessons and can sing very well with a flare for harmony. She is friendly, charming and so loyal to her friends. BUT she has other problems and as she grows these will need to be addressed and perhaps additional support may be needed. Her logic defies any common sense. She cant see how or why people get upset but she gets so upset if her behaviour is the reason. She is starting to see things which arent real, talk to non-existent friends, obssesses about the cats and bright colours, lines up all the toy cars over and over and over again, starts a million tasks and completes non after forgetting that any of them were started... the list goes on.

If you child has aspergers, its ok. It means that he/she will probably have specific talents, but other specific problems too. Having the label nowadays means getting access to additional support right through school and through university. Support which most students dont get and arent even aware of.

Ask as many questions as you can, read about aspergers and what it really means, not what the papers/press say.

Dear S0093679....my husband and I were informed of this yesterday. Without any preperation as to what we had met to discuss, the principal of the school inquired about our interactions with our son. When I said handling him is really easy as he listens to logic, he said , " you mean you have to work harder in coming up with rational explanations for your child"! I told him that life was easier for the same reason not harder. I told him that he liked numbers, he turned around and said that may be a matter of concern too!

You are right in assuming that I may not know much. I have read up as much as I could since yesterday. I know I will have to actively engage him in developing social skills and will work towards it and happily spend hours and hours of time connecting with him. However I am worried about managing others expectations of him. Will people see him differently and how will that effect his confidence level which was probably being managed through aggression until now.

I have seen his interest in numbers and an ability to remember numbers. He is also interested in music but I had never focused on these gifts. He is emotionally very closely connected with some relations and friends but none of them has a child his age. He has grown up with an older sibling and is mostly very comfortable with most of our friends who have older children. I was handling him very well uptill now. Am little at my wits end at the moment.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts which were reassuring and comforting.

 

[MoCoffee]

Wow Hope, you've really had a shock, no wonder you don't know how to react. Take a deep breath, and let us help. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 56 years old, and it's a huge relief to finally understand why I am the way I am. Your son's diagnosis means he's entitled to help that he otherwise wouldn't get. This is a good thing. Autism/Asperger's doesn't mean he can't have a good life, he certainly can. It's going to be okay. Hang in there Hon.

 

[S0093679]

When I said handling him is really easy as he listens to logic, he said , " you mean you have to work harder in coming up with rational explanations for your child"! I told him that life was easier for the same reason not harder. I told him that he liked numbers, he turned around and said that may be a matter of concern too!

Gosh, Im not sure the school has the right to go saying things like that, and Im not sure how a talent for numbers would be a concern! Sorry, this made me laugh - people are so backwards sometimes! I have a talent for numbers also and it gives me the edge in my academic work, gives me the ability to understand science research, manipulate and reproduce statistical testing. Work with your son's interests - they are probably his talents and perhaps they might also be a good outlet for his frustrations. Singing calms me down, as does gardening and learning new mathematical equations!!

You've no need to manage other peoples' expectations. You cant change or control how people see him or what judgements they may make. Its unfortunate but try not to chase this idea because you'll drive yourself into the ground. Instead, work with your son to help him understand how other people might feel in certain situations. Bless him, he's young. There are so many children who dont/cant empathise, dont/cant form positive relationships, dont/cant make good friends, and its nothing to do with any syndrome. Don't worry about the syndrome, just use it as a tool to understand your son better. If he is different, then NT people will see him differently. He may not notice, or he may be hyper aware. Reassure him teach him, guide him. There is more to life than being popular in school, although its hard to see that when you're there and lonely and wanting someone to play with. As he grows, maybe try to socialise him with other aspies? I think developing social skills is a good idea if it is done the right way.

"I was handling him very well uptill now" You know him best. Do you think now you are not handling him well?

 

[Archer36]

Look at this this way ... I'm 36yo ... I think I have a great life ... I did as many cool things as other people ... My difficulties, I thought they were just built in me ... so all I did was to work on them all the time, I thought it was normal to work on myself to get better.

Then I discovered that the root cause was more than likely aspergers ... so all I can conclude is that if I had known before, I'd have had an even greater life and i'd not have wasted that much time trying to find out what was wrong with me.

So early diagnostic is a very good thing. Knowing is half the battle.

 

[Arashi222]

Hope,
Wow. I see that you have been a bit blindsided by the assertion that your son may have ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Take a deep breath. I also have Aspergers and while there are weaknesses in having Autism there are great many strengths and things you will actively have to help him learn but the school is trying to get him the services he will need to do better in his schooling. Try to be positive. This is not a death sentence. It is going to be his life. All you can do is try to prepare him for the world so that when you are no longer able to be there for him he can manage with some help on his own.

I think the schools often over react and cause alarm because they do not explain their concerns. I would read up on a few things that have to do with Autism, also formerly known Aspergers. It is a neurological difference in how we think. He is not a syndrome he is your son, he was your son before you had this bomb dropped and he will still be your son after. You just will have more tools to help him. My mom still struggles to understand sometimes, but you know what she always tells me is that it doesn't matter what other people think. You do what you think is best for your son and we will all be here to support you.

 

[Jimbo]

You and Your son have an advantage knowing He has aspergers. Back when I was in school the teachers had no clue. They just thought I was a dumb country hick. Now You know there may be areas You need to help him with and other areas He will excel in. It's not the end of the world. You just have to realize that He may be perfectly happy having limited friends. No big deal. Just let Him be Himself and don't try to force him to have a "normal" personality. Best of luck!

 

[GrammyLoves]

I understand what you are going through. My granddaughter's mother won't let her be tested (watched) but I have thought for a very long time the child has Asperger's. You have already taught yourself how to handle this very cool, unique child and there are lots of sites with tools and other information to add to your repertoire. Our kids are picky and have meltdowns, so just don't put him in those tough situations when it can be helped. Let him do his soothing things when he needs to. Think of ways to help him cope with the things that drive him to the brink. Tell him you understand his feelings. Offer him alternative behaviors; stick to his routines. Don't baby him, don't expect any less of him than any other child, just keep in mind his issues while you are helping him. That's just my unprofessional advice...my daughter forbids me from saying anything about this to her daughter, so she doesn't have a word for it herself yet but she's figuring things out on her own. She is brilliant in some areas and is a constant amazement to everyone in the entire family. Just capitalize on his strengths, maintain his routines, and love him to pieces!