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Aspies and hugging

At my age the passive position seems to be mandatory in order to get what I want or need, so I'm left with dilated pupils. I avoid hugs when i can and don't offer unless it's a pet or my best friend of 4 years that i now live with. When I was younger there was more of a leisure in letting me run like a b****. Or else commenced the spine flinches from being hugged against my will, that my grandmother would blame on her belief that dead were walking through me when I shivered.

My neurology versus a catholic family
 
I get hugged all of the time but I can't remember the last time I hugged back. I did it as a young kid because I thought it was "the thing to do", but now I'm not sure how to respond so I just stand there until they're finished.
 
I surprised myself the other day and the person subjected to it when I hugged them... I have no idea why and I'm still puzzling over it. The only people I hug are family and partners when I have them. When other people hug me I accept but it's awkward and I just want to get away.
 
I hate been hugged, I just stiffen up and pray it will be over quickly I feel uncomfortable and embarrassed with displays of affection like that.
 
At farewells where hugs are being shared, I stand there awkwardly thinking 'What about me? Do I get one?' But when it gets to my turn I don't know what to do and will never initiate it. Despite being desperate for it, I can't do it.

On a similar note, I like being WITH people. I just don't like having to INTERACT with them. If I'm with a group who is happy to have me around without forcing me to interact, I'm happy. I might even brave some interaction.
 
The thought of hugging makes me quite uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if that's because my family NEVER showed affection though.
But if someone initiates one i'm kind of flattered and it gives me a sense being included and accepted
which i like.
 
I never hug, I'll awkwardly allow myself to be hugged buy my arms stay firmly by my sides when it happens. The closest I give is a pat on the back if somebody dies.
 
I used to when I was a kid. But when I got old enough to realize a lot of people were weirded out by hugging or uncomfortable with it, I quickly became self-conscious about it. I get very uncomfortable now hugging people I do not know very well. Hooray for one more social thing to be paranoid about.
 
Unexpected hugs bother me. Hugs that touch me in certain places bother me a LOT. Hugs from strangers usually bothers me even if expected, though not always.

In fact, there are times it bothers me more than others in general. Specifically, though, contact with my stomach or head leaves me in actual pain. Fortunately, I am taller than most people i meet who wish to hug, so rarely do they touch my head in the process. It's the stomach that bothers me most.
 
icesyckel said:
Unexpected hugs bother me. Hugs that touch me in certain places bother me a LOT. Hugs from strangers usually bothers me even if expected, though not always.

In fact, there are times it bothers me more than others in general. Specifically, though, contact with my stomach or head leaves me in actual pain. Fortunately, I am taller than most people i meet who wish to hug, so rarely do they touch my head in the process. It's the stomach that bothers me most.
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Please pardon me for saying this, but i find this so interesting. Other Aspies are saying they are just uncomfortable with hugging which I can completely understand because I'm the same way. However, you are saying touching you in certain areas is "painful". Are you talking about really bad pain? Has it always been like that and have you thought about having a doctor (possibly a neurologist) try to find the cause? Is it just bothersome or if it was corrected your quality of life would be better?
 
nurseangela said:
Please pardon me for saying this, but i find this so interesting. Other Aspies are saying they are just uncomfortable with hugging which I can completely understand because I'm the same way. However, you are saying touching you in certain areas is "painful". Are you talking about really bad pain? Has it always been like that and have you thought about having a doctor (possibly a neurologist) try to find the cause? Is it just bothersome or if it was corrected your quality of life would be better?
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It's related to hypersensitivity/sensory processing issue, which is common with AS/ASD (or so I've read). My psych wants me to see a neurologist about other things, but I will certainly bring it up. It is bothersome, as I just don't like the way it feels being touched certain places. It really bothers me, particularly my stomach and head. I get really hot and itchy/sweaty, and it feels ... Painful is the closest word but it's not the right word. I honestly don't think the proper adjective exists since I have come to realize most people don't feel like I do in the same circumstances.

As to whether I am "comfortable" being touched... That depends on the context. There are a couple of issues here. I want to hug my wife and have found enjoyable ways to do it avoiding sensitive areas. Sometimes things go haywire, though, and I can't even when I want to.

I don't usually want to hug strangers or people with whom I am not close, and that is as much more a "want" or "anxiety" than pain or quasi-pain. I think most (not all) of us here on the spectrum have some reservations about when we are comfortable getting close and to who. Some of us, and I am not sure how many, actually are in physical discomfort or pain in these situations though, not just psychological.
 
icesyckel said:
It's related to hypersensitivity/sensory processing issue, which is common with AS/ASD (or so I've read). My psych wants me to see a neurologist about other things, but I will certainly bring it up. It is bothersome, as I just don't like the way it feels being touched certain places. It really bothers me, particularly my stomach and head. I get really hot and itchy/sweaty, and it feels ... Painful is the closest word but it's not the right word. I honestly don't think the proper adjective exists since I have come to realize most people don't feel like I do in the same circumstances.

As to whether I am "comfortable" being touched... That depends on the context. There are a couple of issues here. I want to hug my wife and have found enjoyable ways to do it avoiding sensitive areas. Sometimes things go haywire, though, and I can't even when I want to.

I don't usually want to hug strangers or people with whom I am not close, and that is as much more a "want" or "anxiety" than pain or quasi-pain. I think most (not all) of us here on the spectrum have some reservations about when we are comfortable getting close and to who. Some of us, and I am not sure how many, actually are in physical discomfort or pain in these situations though, not just psychological.
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If you see a doctor about it, explain what it feels like (itchy, sweaty) because if you say it's "painful" I would tend to think there's something really wrong inside (especially your stomach). It sounds more like "nerve" stuff. Maybe "highly or extremely sensitive"?
 
nurseangela said:
If you see a doctor about it, explain what it feels like (itchy, sweaty) because if you say it's "painful" I would tend to think there's something really wrong inside (especially your stomach). It sounds more like "nerve" stuff. Maybe "highly or extremely sensitive"?
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As I said, I don't really have the word. "Pain" might not be right, but "uncomfortable" isn't either. I really don't think this is all that uncommon, though, and I have discussed it with my therapist. It's just something that comes with some forms of ASD. Still, I'll mention it to the neuro.
 
Maybe I should ask - does anyone else feel something akin to "pain" or "extreme discomfort" when touched in certain places? Or is it just me?
 
I don't experience pain from touch anywhere except the small of my back. Some rested their hand there once, like as a pre-hug and this electric jolt zapped through my body and I was suddenly blazingly angry and upset.

Is anyone ridiculously ticklish? I can't be hugged from behind because their hands rest against my stomach, can't have a massage or have someone casually rub my back. I mean, I hate those things anyway, but its also ridiculously ticklish. And if it's done really softly, it physically hurts.
 
I guess I've got kind of a double standard. I really don't like being touched at all, but my go-to for social interaction with people I know well is to make physical contact with them. I guess I've just established a rule that they LIKE to be touched, so I'll touch them. But I really don't want it in return.

I've made myself do a lot of things that are uncomfortable but that I've determined are social "requirements."
 
I was never hugged as a child, my family was not tactile in any way so I grew up like that. As I grew up I found shaking hands to be acceptable, but my first hug from a 'stranger' was around 30. It was an odd thing that left me in tears, I guess from the pent up emotion of never having experienced it.

Now, I hug anyone that asks, I never 'go for the hug' first and I find it odd if someone who normally hugs me chooses not to. I guess I like hugs now, sometimes it's my only contact with people around me and it kind of makes things 'real'.
 
Butterfly_Lady said:
how many Aspies actually like hugging their friends? and how many get overwhelmed when one of their friends ALWAYS has to give them a hug every single time they see them?

for me, right now, I am the second one, I am so overwhelmed with Nolan having to hug me every single time that he sees me. Anyone else like this?
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I usually like hugs from my parents, or if I have a boyfriend/love interest. Otherwise, it annoys me. It also annoys me when I'm sitting next to someone and they come in contact with my arm or leg, etc. Then they don't move, and I have to instead. :mad:
 
I don't have many ppl in my life to hug. Never really have. I've always been the type of person who really wants to hug or be hugged by the ppl I care about but at the same time it always seems to lead to this weird awkwardness. So for most of my life I usually didn't initiate the hug. If I do initiate it, it's only because I'm trying to force myself to act as normal as possible in a social situation.
 
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