Im trying to figure things out. Thank you for your help and patience in advance. I dont have AS. But my partner has it. I dont mind telling my problem at all but it can be very long.. Though it might help me unload my feelings and help me get enough advices and insights. Now i just want to ask to those who has AS or people who are related with Aspies..
- Do most of them, if not all, 'shut down' when they are in stressed situations or when their senses overload?
- If yes, do they find deciding rights and wrongs hard in those times?
- Do they harm people?
- If yes, cant they stop it? Even if they are aware of it and being helped about it?
- Is it natural to them to forget things even if they know how important that is?
- Asperger control them or are they also capable to control their Aspergers?
- Do meds and therapy really helps?
My Aspie, we've been together for five years. Since we started living with each other he have this habit of not returning home or literally running away when theres a stressful situation. He lies even theres no need to lie, even if i reassured him already i wont get mad (He claims he dont want to disappoint me or afraid of telling the truth), he physically hurts me (not just slapping or pinching but CHOKING!), he always quits in major plans in our life, find it hard to be consistent in things like work, having trouble understanding things.. He is also a man of few words. When you say 100 words, he will only reply 5 words. He also keeps repeating saying same answers. He is not showy of his feelings at all unless i asked for a surprise or a good morning hug.. i understand this part of AS, so i make sure i am vocal with things.. but he always forgets it. He's been making same mistakes in 4 years, monthly, weekly. He is always apologetic and tells us he still wants us after doing bad things. He knows what to do, what not to do, his faults, whats the solution.. yet when the situation comes he shuts down. He seems to have a cycle.. when to be super okay, when to be upset, when to explode.
Ive become depressed and suicidal, my life is already wasted. No friends or career or identity. Now i cant help thinking of harmful things to my kids. Ive been always busy helping him out, being loyal and supportive, believing and assisting him. I always need to beg for something.. even for the basic things like dont run away, dont hit me, smile, remember occasions, etc. I feel so unworthy, why do i deserve all these awful things. I have all these traumas that haunts me randomly even when i sleep.
In regular days, he is very responsible. He is good in home chores and taking care of the kids. Just dont expect him in complicated things that needs deciding or thinking over. He very much likes his work (luckily, its also his special interest) yet having hard time maintaining it. Im the only one who he grew close to and his kids. He dreams and plans for our family and says he loves us.. but he cant back it up. Give him chance to prove it, he will waste it, leave you or hit you. He already improved in some things over the years which i really appreciate (cooking, hugs, kisses, chores, remembering few things i like). He is loving. He always says im the only one in his life. Yet he doesnt do things to make me stay, he always drives me away. Yet i really see that he tries.
I cant remember any good things in all those years. All bad memories and traumas. I always give him chances. Now he is gone again. I gave birth to our 3rd son via CS last 24th July (3 sons in 4 yrs!) After 3 days he hit me again during a fight regardless if i havent recovered yet from the operation. Last 2 days, he tied me up and choked me then left. Most occasions were awful. Even if he is at fault, he gets mad. If i get mad, i'll be damned. He can bear seeing me suffering emotionally and psychologically.. even if im wimping in pain he wont move and just ignore you when he is in 'monster mode'. Before the birth we agreed we will start over and he will never run again or hurt me. We can shout all we want, etc just no to those things.
We agreed to put our third to adoption. He knows how this will affect my life.. yet he still makes things that will make more psychologically disturbed.
Some people fight for their love, afraid of losing their family, has the drive to do something like a hobby or what.. He is just steady. He can live in any circumstances so maybe thats why he doesnt work hard to make our family intact. He blames it all in his disabilities and says he is hopeless and he cant fight things like physically hurting me or running away. Im so willing to support him. But im so tired of giving and not getting something even just 50% or maybe 30%.. i feel abandoned, used, scammed and cheated. I dont know what to do now. I still want to understand him. Maybe i have faults or something. We are not in therapy and meds. Ive developed depression, anxiety, separation anxiety over the years weve together and my OCD manifested when my life became stagnant. Someone help?
- Do most of them, if not all, 'shut down' when they are in stressed situations or when their senses overload?
- If yes, do they find deciding rights and wrongs hard in those times?
- Do they harm people?
- If yes, cant they stop it? Even if they are aware of it and being helped about it?
- Is it natural to them to forget things even if they know how important that is?
- Asperger control them or are they also capable to control their Aspergers?
- Do meds and therapy really helps?
My Aspie, we've been together for five years. Since we started living with each other he have this habit of not returning home or literally running away when theres a stressful situation. He lies even theres no need to lie, even if i reassured him already i wont get mad (He claims he dont want to disappoint me or afraid of telling the truth), he physically hurts me (not just slapping or pinching but CHOKING!), he always quits in major plans in our life, find it hard to be consistent in things like work, having trouble understanding things.. He is also a man of few words. When you say 100 words, he will only reply 5 words. He also keeps repeating saying same answers. He is not showy of his feelings at all unless i asked for a surprise or a good morning hug.. i understand this part of AS, so i make sure i am vocal with things.. but he always forgets it. He's been making same mistakes in 4 years, monthly, weekly. He is always apologetic and tells us he still wants us after doing bad things. He knows what to do, what not to do, his faults, whats the solution.. yet when the situation comes he shuts down. He seems to have a cycle.. when to be super okay, when to be upset, when to explode.
Ive become depressed and suicidal, my life is already wasted. No friends or career or identity. Now i cant help thinking of harmful things to my kids. Ive been always busy helping him out, being loyal and supportive, believing and assisting him. I always need to beg for something.. even for the basic things like dont run away, dont hit me, smile, remember occasions, etc. I feel so unworthy, why do i deserve all these awful things. I have all these traumas that haunts me randomly even when i sleep.
In regular days, he is very responsible. He is good in home chores and taking care of the kids. Just dont expect him in complicated things that needs deciding or thinking over. He very much likes his work (luckily, its also his special interest) yet having hard time maintaining it. Im the only one who he grew close to and his kids. He dreams and plans for our family and says he loves us.. but he cant back it up. Give him chance to prove it, he will waste it, leave you or hit you. He already improved in some things over the years which i really appreciate (cooking, hugs, kisses, chores, remembering few things i like). He is loving. He always says im the only one in his life. Yet he doesnt do things to make me stay, he always drives me away. Yet i really see that he tries.
I cant remember any good things in all those years. All bad memories and traumas. I always give him chances. Now he is gone again. I gave birth to our 3rd son via CS last 24th July (3 sons in 4 yrs!) After 3 days he hit me again during a fight regardless if i havent recovered yet from the operation. Last 2 days, he tied me up and choked me then left. Most occasions were awful. Even if he is at fault, he gets mad. If i get mad, i'll be damned. He can bear seeing me suffering emotionally and psychologically.. even if im wimping in pain he wont move and just ignore you when he is in 'monster mode'. Before the birth we agreed we will start over and he will never run again or hurt me. We can shout all we want, etc just no to those things.
We agreed to put our third to adoption. He knows how this will affect my life.. yet he still makes things that will make more psychologically disturbed.
Some people fight for their love, afraid of losing their family, has the drive to do something like a hobby or what.. He is just steady. He can live in any circumstances so maybe thats why he doesnt work hard to make our family intact. He blames it all in his disabilities and says he is hopeless and he cant fight things like physically hurting me or running away. Im so willing to support him. But im so tired of giving and not getting something even just 50% or maybe 30%.. i feel abandoned, used, scammed and cheated. I dont know what to do now. I still want to understand him. Maybe i have faults or something. We are not in therapy and meds. Ive developed depression, anxiety, separation anxiety over the years weve together and my OCD manifested when my life became stagnant. Someone help?