(Posted this on another website so if this seems familiar to any members of both sites... hello again!)
Before I start I'll mention my boyfriend and I are in a semi long distance relationship. I also acknowledge that yes I screwed up and I could have handled this differently. So I really do not need to be lectured about that. I am here because I acknowledge this and I want to learn how to handle this in the future for him.
So toward the end of the week my boyfriend and I sort of had a fight that stretched into Saturday. The source of my frustration occurred Thursday, the conflict took place Friday.
The tension and anger continued into Saturday even though we kind of spoke like usual minus any affectionate choice of words. Then at some random point in the early evening Saturday he told me that I had put him in a difficult position and that it felt like our relationship was in a sort of limbo and he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. I figured it was probably best to just drop it and give him some space. So on Sunday I didn't bring it up at all. I talked to him like usual and I could sense he was still feeling bitter. He wasn't affectionate and he didn't give me our standard greetings (we'd always say good night, sweet dreams, I love you, etc.) but he did talk to me like usual.
I want to get through this, resolve our original issue, and learn how to address my concerns in the future without him feeling threatened or like I am trying to start something.
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Maybe not crucial information but if you're curious about how things unfolded...
He and I have always talked and got us time via Skype calls, ever since before we were evening dating. But a few weeks ago Skype started messing up on him and he started to avoid using Skype and making calls. He said he was getting tired of it and probably just going to get rid of it. I was concerned because it's our primary form of communication. We hadn't really used any other means of communication. He doesn't have a cellphone and I don't get international calling (he's in Canada and I the US). He didn't show much concern about it though.
And eventually Skype started crashing his computer and we started using Facebook. I offered to find him a fix and proceeded to link him a bunch of different possibilities. He didn't really respond much to them. I'd ask him how it was going and he'd give me really vague answers. But he did state he was fed up with Skype. So I started looking for alternatives for us to use for our calls, but he didn't seem very receptive of them or he had an excuse for why he didn't want to use them.
I have my own issues with panic anxiety disorder paired with other conditions which can cause some sensitivity (hormonal imbalances) which got to the better side of me and thus I began to take it a little personal and began to wonder if maybe one of the reasons he wasn't all too eager to find a solution was because he wanted space. So I decided to inquire about it and he got mad at me. He then got onto Outlook which has Skype calls, called me and proceeded to gripe at me, saying I was accusing him of avoiding me, which I wasn't. I just felt it was a possibility given how routine our relationship was with the calls for the past 7 months. He may have grown bored of the routine. And when I told him I wasn't accusing him he just said "You were insinuating it!"
He's really bad at assuminf and mind reading, and anytime I am upset he assumes it's at him, and he is almost always wrong... and he fails or stubbornly refuses to acknowledge this. I always figured it was maybe part of his condition and tried to be patient. But at times it does get frustrating, especially when it's affecting the way he is perceiving me.
Anywho, I apologized and asked if we could move on. But then I screwed up a little again. When we were saying good night I said I love you and he didn't say it back. I asked if he would say it back and he said he wished I wouldn't force him to say it. I accidentally pushed another button I think.
The next day, Saturday, I could really sense the bitterness. I had gotten up and left him a message on Facebook apologizing. He never really responded to the stuff I said other than "o___o wall of text." He started messaging me and we spoke like usual. But then at some point in the early evening he said I had put him in a difficult position and he wasn't sure what he wanted to do because I had pushed our relationship into a state of limbo. And that was when I decided to definitely back off.
Sunday was a little bit better. He wasn't affectionate and I understand. But we did converse and did a lot of small talk. Today was the same. He told me good morning and we spoke like usual, again no signs of affection.
I feel there needs to be some sort of closure to the issue and find a compromise that can work for both of us but I'm not sure when or how I should go about this.
Before I start I'll mention my boyfriend and I are in a semi long distance relationship. I also acknowledge that yes I screwed up and I could have handled this differently. So I really do not need to be lectured about that. I am here because I acknowledge this and I want to learn how to handle this in the future for him.
So toward the end of the week my boyfriend and I sort of had a fight that stretched into Saturday. The source of my frustration occurred Thursday, the conflict took place Friday.
The tension and anger continued into Saturday even though we kind of spoke like usual minus any affectionate choice of words. Then at some random point in the early evening Saturday he told me that I had put him in a difficult position and that it felt like our relationship was in a sort of limbo and he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. I figured it was probably best to just drop it and give him some space. So on Sunday I didn't bring it up at all. I talked to him like usual and I could sense he was still feeling bitter. He wasn't affectionate and he didn't give me our standard greetings (we'd always say good night, sweet dreams, I love you, etc.) but he did talk to me like usual.
I want to get through this, resolve our original issue, and learn how to address my concerns in the future without him feeling threatened or like I am trying to start something.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe not crucial information but if you're curious about how things unfolded...
He and I have always talked and got us time via Skype calls, ever since before we were evening dating. But a few weeks ago Skype started messing up on him and he started to avoid using Skype and making calls. He said he was getting tired of it and probably just going to get rid of it. I was concerned because it's our primary form of communication. We hadn't really used any other means of communication. He doesn't have a cellphone and I don't get international calling (he's in Canada and I the US). He didn't show much concern about it though.
And eventually Skype started crashing his computer and we started using Facebook. I offered to find him a fix and proceeded to link him a bunch of different possibilities. He didn't really respond much to them. I'd ask him how it was going and he'd give me really vague answers. But he did state he was fed up with Skype. So I started looking for alternatives for us to use for our calls, but he didn't seem very receptive of them or he had an excuse for why he didn't want to use them.
I have my own issues with panic anxiety disorder paired with other conditions which can cause some sensitivity (hormonal imbalances) which got to the better side of me and thus I began to take it a little personal and began to wonder if maybe one of the reasons he wasn't all too eager to find a solution was because he wanted space. So I decided to inquire about it and he got mad at me. He then got onto Outlook which has Skype calls, called me and proceeded to gripe at me, saying I was accusing him of avoiding me, which I wasn't. I just felt it was a possibility given how routine our relationship was with the calls for the past 7 months. He may have grown bored of the routine. And when I told him I wasn't accusing him he just said "You were insinuating it!"
He's really bad at assuminf and mind reading, and anytime I am upset he assumes it's at him, and he is almost always wrong... and he fails or stubbornly refuses to acknowledge this. I always figured it was maybe part of his condition and tried to be patient. But at times it does get frustrating, especially when it's affecting the way he is perceiving me.
Anywho, I apologized and asked if we could move on. But then I screwed up a little again. When we were saying good night I said I love you and he didn't say it back. I asked if he would say it back and he said he wished I wouldn't force him to say it. I accidentally pushed another button I think.
The next day, Saturday, I could really sense the bitterness. I had gotten up and left him a message on Facebook apologizing. He never really responded to the stuff I said other than "o___o wall of text." He started messaging me and we spoke like usual. But then at some point in the early evening he said I had put him in a difficult position and he wasn't sure what he wanted to do because I had pushed our relationship into a state of limbo. And that was when I decided to definitely back off.
Sunday was a little bit better. He wasn't affectionate and I understand. But we did converse and did a lot of small talk. Today was the same. He told me good morning and we spoke like usual, again no signs of affection.
I feel there needs to be some sort of closure to the issue and find a compromise that can work for both of us but I'm not sure when or how I should go about this.