Were you scapegoated by your family or by people you thought of as friends? Were you the one who was excluded or discussed as problematic or difficult or strange? Do you think it might have been because you had Asperger's?
Have recently come to the conclusion that being the family scapegoat or black sheep, had much to do with being honest and ethical. That thinking in such a way angered many, that perceiving the world by the 'rules' often made enemies of people who had to be right at all times. This seems to be a common theme for many people on the spectrum. That alienation from people in general began in the home.
"And that is exactly how the Scapegoat identity works. As a naturally sensitive or empathic child grows up in the home with parents and others who cannot be "wrong," who blame the child for things they themselves have done or who otherwise refuse to take responsibility for their own inner lives, the child may begin to empathize with, then carry, then identify with all of the unresolved flotsam and jetsam floating around in this home. Sensitive and empathic children--not having been taught how to use empathy--can be used by family, whether intentionally or unintentionally, as the carrier of the "sins" of the family. Children are seeking mirrors, as we've said in other blogs, that define them. If the only mirror is one that defines the child as the guilty party or the responsible one, a sensitive child, who longs for connection, will begin to define him or herself accordingly.
As that child grows he will encounter more and more of the world, but will come from the same exact dynamic established at home. Why? Because he has identified with this way of interacting. He thinks it's who he is. He is the guilty one. The one who must constantly take responsibility for others emotions and "sins" because this is just what he does. He cares a great deal for others--as a natural part of his authenticity--but this caring has been contorted, by this defined identity, into carrying.
So now, this child, whose gift it was to be empathic, has now been cursed. She will not use her empathy as recognition of what others are feeling, and the ability to mirror that back to them so that they can then use that information for their own growth. She will use her gift of empathy to carry other's burdens of guilt, responsibility and emotion. And in so doing, she will somehow prove to herself that she is not the bad person she senses that she is.
This sense of unworthiness carried deep within and below every good deed done by the Scapegoat originates from having carried the guilt and responsibility for others' "sins." This child has taken on these "wrongs" and "sins" as if they should, indeed, belong to him. And he feels this sense of wrongness as if it actually defines him. He is now, officially the Scapegoat--for he has taken the "sins" of others away."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/traversing-the-inner-terrain/201101/the-scapegoat-identity
Have recently come to the conclusion that being the family scapegoat or black sheep, had much to do with being honest and ethical. That thinking in such a way angered many, that perceiving the world by the 'rules' often made enemies of people who had to be right at all times. This seems to be a common theme for many people on the spectrum. That alienation from people in general began in the home.
"And that is exactly how the Scapegoat identity works. As a naturally sensitive or empathic child grows up in the home with parents and others who cannot be "wrong," who blame the child for things they themselves have done or who otherwise refuse to take responsibility for their own inner lives, the child may begin to empathize with, then carry, then identify with all of the unresolved flotsam and jetsam floating around in this home. Sensitive and empathic children--not having been taught how to use empathy--can be used by family, whether intentionally or unintentionally, as the carrier of the "sins" of the family. Children are seeking mirrors, as we've said in other blogs, that define them. If the only mirror is one that defines the child as the guilty party or the responsible one, a sensitive child, who longs for connection, will begin to define him or herself accordingly.
As that child grows he will encounter more and more of the world, but will come from the same exact dynamic established at home. Why? Because he has identified with this way of interacting. He thinks it's who he is. He is the guilty one. The one who must constantly take responsibility for others emotions and "sins" because this is just what he does. He cares a great deal for others--as a natural part of his authenticity--but this caring has been contorted, by this defined identity, into carrying.
So now, this child, whose gift it was to be empathic, has now been cursed. She will not use her empathy as recognition of what others are feeling, and the ability to mirror that back to them so that they can then use that information for their own growth. She will use her gift of empathy to carry other's burdens of guilt, responsibility and emotion. And in so doing, she will somehow prove to herself that she is not the bad person she senses that she is.
This sense of unworthiness carried deep within and below every good deed done by the Scapegoat originates from having carried the guilt and responsibility for others' "sins." This child has taken on these "wrongs" and "sins" as if they should, indeed, belong to him. And he feels this sense of wrongness as if it actually defines him. He is now, officially the Scapegoat--for he has taken the "sins" of others away."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/traversing-the-inner-terrain/201101/the-scapegoat-identity
