Are autistics mean?

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

I think my mom has some kind of personality disorder and just tries to project everything on to me. She's been like that before. She told me that the most important thing in life is helping other people, but when I do that, she flips out and tells me it's not safe. She also tells me I'm just being selfish when I say "what about me?" Then conveniently 'forgets' when called out on things like this or claims it never happened and that autistic people are also prone to false memories.

 

[Riley]

I think my mom has some kind of personality disorder and just tries to project everything on to me. She's been like that before. She told me that the most important thing in life is helping other people, but when I do that, she flips out and tells me it's not safe. She also tells me I'm just being selfish when I say "what about me?" Then conveniently 'forgets' when called out on things like this or claims it never happened and that autistic people are also prone to false memories.

Get that woman some help. I'm serious.

 

[Coupe]

Oh my goodness, @SchrodingersMeerkat , what a thing for your mother to say to you ...I'm so sorry. I certainly don't get the impression that you are "mean" at all.

...Anyway, I find "Autistics are mean" to be a gross generalization.....everyone is different (as has been previously mentioned), but I think a person being inherently "mean" is very rare. I don't believe anyone is born "mean." Maybe someone (hypothetically) could have had adverse life experiences that negatively impact the way they interact with others, but that doesn't make them "mean" - in fact, I think it means they're that much more in need of other peoples' support and unconditional love/acceptance....otherwise, how can they eventually feel safe enough to show the "nice-ness" that was always there?

(I really hope what I'm saying makes sense - I've been at work all day, used a lot of spoons and I'm pretty tired )

...But anyway, to answer the original question, no, I do not think that being mean is just part of being autistic. In fact, lots of folks here, and other autistic people I know on other social media platforms, are some of the nicest people I know.....much nicer than a lot of NTs I've known, anyway.

 

[Littlemissnaughty9]

NO..are other humans mean..to them? Yes..thats my answer.

 

[isthisreallife]

I was the same, picked on, than I became really mean and aggressive. I still have more moments than I care for, but I have evened out a lot over the years. I guess it's one of the drawbacks of having a lot of empathy, when negative emotions are being directed specifically at you, you don't walk away unscathed.

 

[Dalton]

Are “normal” people mean?

 

[Riley]

She doesn't believe in shrinks...at least for herself. But I had to see one because I was "depressed".

I asked my Aunt to get me in contact with one of my old school counselors. Because I know I have issues I need to talk about properly without being brushed off. As I told my mom: "The last Aspie who wasn't taken seriously KILLED people!"

 

[Star McClellan]

It's the same for me. My brother constantly calls me mean, and says I am heartless and cruel. I feel like I act that way to make people stop talking to me if I don't like them. It was also something to do with my sensory problems. If I flipped, and someone was nearby, or if they were the ones that made me flip, I would take it out on them, and once that was a teacher. It is a problem I am trying to fix, because I also have the scenario where I feel like they bullied me, but since I become mostly nonverbal in meltdowns, I use physical actions to get my point across, which makes me the "Bad Guy".

 

[Alis1998]

I think that we can be just "too honest" sometimes. But mean? No, not with any intentions unless with a threat going on. but that is with every human being, autistic or not. I don't think it is because of autism.
Besides that it is a trait that has to do with the person itself. I think your mom has the wrong idea of what autism is.

 

[Mattymatt]

I used to read forums here and there where the kid from The Never Ending Story had Asperger's. I asked my mom what she thought about the theory and she said no, "Because he isn't mean. Autistics are mean, like you."

I had always been told I was "mean". Yes, I was aggressive because I HAD to be in order to survive. No one would do anything when I reported bullying except tell me it was MY fault. Eventually, I had figured that ANYONE who approached me had negative intentions in mind and I figured I had better have the first hand before they tried to start anything. So even if the other kid was really just asking if I wanted to play or something, I didn't want to take chances and I would hit them to make them go away and leave me alone. Some kids were smart and learned not to approach me, others weren't and even a few teachers got bit. But my mom also claims that I was a "mean baby". So even before I had to learn to defend myself, I was "mean". So are autistic people just "mean" as a general part of being autistic.

Every yard that I've ever gained in life was a fight; perhaps the only thing that ever came easy to me was computers and I was never able to make that skill reward me financially. Generally the world has been very adversarial and I am suspicious of people that want to help me because I wonder what their ulterior motives are; I've been hurt and disappointed way too many times. I've found that it is best going into a situation expecting a fight rather than being blindsided. I guess I am just a 40 year old broken dude ....