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Are autistics mean?

SchrodingersMeerkat

SchrodingersMeerkat

trash mammal
I used to read forums here and there where the kid from The Never Ending Story had Asperger's. I asked my mom what she thought about the theory and she said no, "Because he isn't mean. Autistics are mean, like you."

I had always been told I was "mean". Yes, I was aggressive because I HAD to be in order to survive. No one would do anything when I reported bullying except tell me it was MY fault. Eventually, I had figured that ANYONE who approached me had negative intentions in mind and I figured I had better have the first hand before they tried to start anything. So even if the other kid was really just asking if I wanted to play or something, I didn't want to take chances and I would hit them to make them go away and leave me alone. Some kids were smart and learned not to approach me, others weren't and even a few teachers got bit. But my mom also claims that I was a "mean baby". So even before I had to learn to defend myself, I was "mean". So are autistic people just "mean" as a general part of being autistic.
 
I suppose they can be, although I'd say it depends on circumstances I guess.


SchrodingersMeerkat said:
I used to read forums here and there where the kid from The Never Ending Story had Asperger's. I asked my mom what she thought about the theory and she said no, "Because he isn't mean. Autistics are mean, like you."

I had always been told I was "mean". Yes, I was aggressive because I HAD to be in order to survive. No one would do anything when I reported bullying except tell me it was MY fault. Eventually, I had figured that ANYONE who approached me had negative intentions in mind and I figured I had better have the first hand before they tried to start anything. So even if the other kid was really just asking if I wanted to play or something, I didn't want to take chances and I would hit them to make them go away and leave me alone. Some kids were smart and learned not to approach me, others weren't and even a few teachers got bit. But my mom also claims that I was a "mean baby". So even before I had to learn to defend myself, I was "mean". So are autistic people just "mean" as a general part of being autistic.
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Well, I know that we are all different. But as for me, I do not have a mean bone in my body. This is not always a good thing. Sometimes it is a mean world.
 
Being "mean" is relative- and ambiguous. Perhaps a better thing to focus on would be insensitivity and how it manifests itself to varying degrees- or "amplitude" relative to someone on the spectrum.

Those with serious cognitive deficits may be unavoidably insensitive to the feelings and thoughts or others. Where their perception on much of anything remains exclusively from their own point of view. Which can translate into appearing egotistical, selfish and insulting to virtually everyone. And giving little or no thought to what has transpired, and routinely blaming everything on others. I suspect that's bound to appear "mean" to most people regardless of neurological considerations.

Others may have such deficits but to a lesser degree where they may make such mistakes in real time, but express remorse later having an ability to reexamine what they said and why it may have caused social indiscretions. And for many of us we have become so defensive over such indiscretions that we may be prone to preemptively defending ourselves even when it may not be necessary. A "knee-jerk" reaction.

As for intentional malice, I don't think that's something that is expressed any differently regardless of one's neurological profile. Something in which everyone is potentially capable of.
 
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Ragnahawk said:
I'd pin you down as a reserved logical person. Saying someone is kind is like convincing them they have to be kind. It is okay to not be kind sometimes.
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It is okay not to be kind sometimes, true. I have a wider range of emotions and modes available to me, luckily. But I get complimented by friends, family, coworkers and patients, so I take that to mean I am, on average, apparently more kind than the average person.
 
If all autistics are mean, then all humans are, in my opinion. Honestly, it's such a generalisation. It's like saying that all dogs are loud and all cats independent. This stereotype may come from the fact that at times we may accidentaly say something that is considered to be socially rude due to not knowing all the cues that NTs instinctualy do.
 
onlything said:
If all autistics are mean, then all humans are, in my opinion. Honestly, it's such a generalisation. It's like saying that all dogs are loud and all cats independent. This stereotype may come from the fact that at times we may accidentaly say something that is considered to be socially rude due to not knowing all the cues that NTs instinctualy do.
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In the case it's more the mom labelling the kid in a negative way.

Often happens in families.

Label one kid negatively and wonder why they have problems 20 years later.

Your job, as the kid, ismto step beyond the labels you are given.

Find yourself, your own standards and perhaps become a positive person -
Learn not to become the labels you are given.
 
Because of similar reasons you listed, I used to be meaner than a junkyard dog. As I got older, I slowly started to realize how unnecessary that was in the adult world.

I did the same thing where even if someone approached me with good intentions I would bare my teeth and growl (figuratively), just because the odds were so decent that that person was approaching me to harm me in some way. I totally get that. It took a lot of kindness on the part of others to train that behavior out of me.

So I don't think Aspies are mean, I think human beings who are exposed to a hostile environment for prolonged periods of time either turn mean, are destroyed by it, or both.
 
There's no such thing as a 'mean' baby. Babies are by necessity narcissistic as they learn the ways to get the things they require to survive. Basic needs such as food, comfort, affection, attention. These are things that all babies need to thrive.
 
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autistic people are not mean, NT just feel intimidated when we see their shortcomings and point them out to them. We don't intend to mean, woe are just not good at dealing with everyone's irrational insecurities and false self images, hence they call us mean for confronting them with what they are trying to hide from.
 
The word 'mean' implies intent, manipulation or maliciousness, and I don't think that we are any more inherently mean than any other person, but our lack of ability to interpret social cues and situations may cause us to say something that will be viewed as 'mean' by those who assume that we are operating according to the same social code as they are. For similar reasons, we are often accused of having no empathy. Most of us set out with good intentions. Saying the wrong thing or acting in a way that goes against the social norm without intent to harm should not be confused with meanness or lack of empathy.
 
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