I don't know that we *are* unlovable... but it can sure feel that way. I just got dumped by a woman I met in AA, been crazy over her for the last 3 years... I've managed to stay sober, she has not, and has now just disappeared. She sure talked like she felt for me... but I guess actions speak louder than words.
Having said that, though... I've been married for 48 years, and it's been a pretty rough road at times. She's left me 3 times for other guys because of my 'emotional unavailabity,' only to come back when they didn't work out. I may not 'emote' as she would like, but I've got the rest of it: responsible, respectful, considerate, hard-working (until I got hurt then disabled), can fix just about anything, loyal to a fault to both things and people, caring... but love? I don't think so. Never been there; only emotions I've felt are either entirely neutral or negative (until I met this woman, then it was literally love at first sight, or at least, I've certainly never felt like that towards anyone before.)
She works with developmentally-challenged kids, and I think she spotted my 'spectrum' tendencies pretty early on, but it didn't seem to bother her. Fairly recently I let it be known that I had feelings for her. It was not long after that that she vanished. So, yeah... sure *feels* unlovable.
My wife? I think I'm useful to her, handy to have around, and it sure doesn't feel like I'm loved. I get that "it's not what you said, it's how you said it" thing when she speaks to me. Not the words, so much, but the tone and delivery makes it sound like she's always annoyed or impatient with me. I had pinned some hope on the lady I met, but that's vanished too, and now I feel more stuck than ever; stuck, unhappy, and hopeless.
We are loveable. If we don't love ourselves, we can wrongly believe we are unlovable when someone perhaps who is not healthy themselves treats us badly.
Congratulations for staying sober, maybe you were not meant to be with someone who has not stayed sober, maybe you were meant to remember your dreams and aspirations, follow them and meet someone like minded who is sober.
Be mindful of the fact that when we look for partners they don't come. Personal experience shows that when I looked for a partner none showed, when I wanted to stay single they came. Actions do speak louder than words, she still needs the crutch of booze, you don't, you have moved on, she hasn't.
Returning to you when things don't work out is abuse to you, you deserve better.
Sorry you got hurt then disabled, good you can fix just about anything, and that you are loyal to a fault to both things and people, caring, we all have love inside of us, it just needs the right circumstances to come out.
Love is just a place you have never been, think of a tiny flower, a kitten, a baby, romantic partners are not always love, they sometimes have baggage.
The lady you met at AA was drawn to you because you both had problems, drink. You got sober, you won the challenge. You need to look within to find your hobbies, passions, aspirations and go to places where you can do them (solution places) and not to meet someone, to go for the love of doing something. Then "that someone" will come to you when you let go of the need to have a partner. You are loved.
I am a bit confused, I do not want to pry but you mention your wife. Maybe starting again, single, following your dreams, joining a class for the love of it, enjoying life, then the right person will come.