Are Aspergarians unloveable?

[Mia]

That’s been my whole life, I’m not going stop trying to find someone even if it’s impossible.

It's not impossible. But if you become more relaxed about it, people will sense that you are 'together.' And people who are more sure of themselves, attract others.

 

[Kalinychta]

It’s true. Women prefer partners who are financially stable, mature, responsible, and of sound mental health. We’re supposed to feel guilty about that? Women have a lot to lose when marriages end (namely, becoming single mothers), so of course we try to choose the best, most reliable and stable partners we can find.

Slyfox, not many women are going to want to be with a man who says he’ll kill himself if he doesn’t find a girlfriend, especially one who does a hell of a lot of complaining about women but is unwilling to make any changes in his attitude, goals, job situation, and psychological health. All you’ve really done on this thread is criticize women for their choices and declare that you “can’t” work on yourself in the ways that would improve your desirability as a mate. You don’t want to change or give, but you still expect the payout.

Nothing comes easy in this world. You have to work for it.

 

[Slyfox]

It's not impossible. But if you become more relaxed about it, people will sense that you are 'together.' And people who are more sure of themselves, attract others.

see above to why I feel way I do. there's not happiness or life for those who can't live up to society’s standards.

 

[Crossbreed]

there's not happiness or life for those who can't live up to society’s standards.

Society is too broad to have a single standard.
There will be no happiness for you until you learn how to optimize the hand that you were dealt, and adjust your expectations, accordingly.

I was raised middle-class (until 1981) but was never able to reach that level in my own work life. My autism diagnosis gave me a good understanding why.

Even those who attained middle-class by being diligent and getting their degrees were scuttled in the Great Recession and had to settle for McJobs.

More about the Great Recession.

 

[Gift2humanity]

That’s been my whole life, I’m not going stop trying to find someone even if it’s impossible. If I give up I will kill myself.

I’m not the type of person who will ever be happy alone.

You will find someone when you let go of grasping.
Then you won't have to give up.
A partner is a end, it's about the journey and part of the journey is letting go.
No one wants to be around someone who hates themselves.

 

[Mush]

I’ve been married for coming up 22 years. I have three children mid/late teens. I am very loved. So much it often makes me uncomfortable.

My children like to be around me and do things with me. I guess being autistic means I’m not your average dad. I’m certainly lacking in many areas, but I know my strengths and work with those.

I don’t ever discuss emotional matters with my kids. I simply can’t. My wife takes that responsibility.

I have made a lot of time for my children in my life. Always been available for time to play or chill. We do a lot of camping and outdoor activities like hiking and kayaking.

I have struggled my whole life to ‘feel’ love. Especially from myself towards others. I have never felt in love. I liked my wife’s character and asked her to marry me. Only knew her for a little over a week. She’s a good woman. Good looking too.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Marriage makes us responsible for our spouse (and vice-versa). It is not surprising that your libido is intact, but women size up potential mates by how they might be qualified to bear those responsibilities. (And a man does not have to be crazy rich to do so.)

Our lack of social instinct hinders that development, but does not make it impossible. You may connect better with an autistic woman, but you will still need to develop the same skill set.

We want someone to be a lover, companion & care-giver, but we must be ready, willing & able to be the same for them.

 

[Streetwise]

I need to be blunt. At 40, I don’t believe in love anymore. I feel loyalty and gentleness and protective, but I don’t think I’ve ever been capable of the kind of affection talked about in poetry or novels that redeems our souls. I am still obsessed with sex, and physical affection. But is it possible that autism and Aspergers are evolutionary dead ends? If we can’t find people who love us, and have families, and we aren’t relented enough to take the world by storm as bachelors, then truly these condition must someday be cured. As surly as we want to cure cancer, HIV or Down Syndrome.

Neurotypicals don't like difference we are In that group

 

[TiredMom]

I don't think so. people with autism would never survived as cavmen. roman times, 12th century.

Hi. Just a note--in addition to being an autism researcher, I am also a retired medieval historian. I can tell you--yes, there were autistics in the 12th century, and no, their families just didn't kill them off. They tried to find help for them (who knows? maybe seeking miracle cures at saints' shrines worked better than the horrors of ABA . . .

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Slyfox if if was not for use aspies we would still be in the caves

 

[Slyfox]

Slyfox if if was not for use aspies we would still be in the caves

i highly doubt that. if humans were all aspies our speices would died out with so many anit social issues and asexual tendencies. most aspies are alone for life.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I . have been married for over 40 years, keep in mind Paul Dirac also got married,

 

[Slyfox]

I . have been married for over 40 years, keep in mind Paul Dirac also got married,

some people win the lottery too doesn't mean rest of us will.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Even my older brother got married, boy were we surprised. too much false info floating around about us aspies, most notably the high functioning. I come from a family of six siblings, four aspies, all four of us got married. I have two children, two others have 3 kids each. we are independently wealthy. My wife did like taking us out for dancing and parties at least once a week, covid killed that. My none aspie brother is a quiet mensa member. so much for stereo types. Picture of my wife.

 

[Slyfox]

data doesn't lie.. there's a whole family who all wins lottery back to back. I wouldn't suggest anyone bet their life on that happening to them. most male aspies are on disability or working min wage jobs which is both a red flag for most single women. usa society says that everyone should be middle classe which means having a high paying job. it says dating people lwho don't will just hold you back from becoming middle class and should be avoided. parents tell their girls not to date loser men who don't have a future. a lot of aspies due to being on disability or working min wage are what those parents consider loser men. lots of per pressure from their friends too if they date men like me. "why are you dating that loser" internet is full of " I love my boyfriend but he doesn't' have a good job is it wrong if I leave him?"
I'm more likely to win millions in lottery then to get a gf or even a date
european and then aisan women are far more accepting of poor men cause their cultures are less money focused. at last I live in the USA where the all mighty dollar is all that matters.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I think your perspective being American, is clouding your view of us, I will agree many of the American view points on various threads confuse most notably when it comes to health care much different country up here, parents were European I guess they made the right decision to immigrate here. ''Life's Good"

 

[Slyfox]

wheres up here?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

wheres up here?

Canada north of you

 

[hatfullofrain]

View attachment 66891 Even my older brother got married, boy were we surprised. too much false info floating around about us aspies, most notably the high functioning. I come from a family of six siblings, four aspies, all four of us got married. I have two children, two others have 3 kids each. we are independently wealthy. My wife did like taking us out for dancing and parties at least once a week, covid killed that. My none aspie brother is a quiet mensa member. so much for stereo types. Picture of my wife.

That's nice, but you're a different generation.

Things have changed. Society is more split apart, individual. It's more difficult to meet people now.

This advice us like when older people still think you can dress up in a suit, walk into workplaces and ask for a job, but companies all want you to apply online now. The way dating and settling down works has changed too.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My son just got engaged, he met his fiance, by giving tours of Toronto to new comers. When he interviews for a new position, he takes videos of his current position to showcase his abilities to new employers, has always been an out of the box thinker.