Anyone prefer not to socialize?

[Loomis]

I have been working on doing more socializing for the last year or so. Not because I want to be more NT but because I want to feel more comfortable in social situations. I think it is working. Recently I retook the same aspie quiz I took two years ago and while my aspie score stayed relatively constant my NT score went up.

Current Scores:
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 124 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 110 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits

Scores Two Years Ago:
Your Aspie score: 127 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 94 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits

 

[blue_bird]

A part of me prefers to stay separate from people, especially people I'm supposed to be just like. I actually feel more alone when I'm around people I have similarities, like ethnicity, with. When I'm around people not so much like me, I feel less pressure to live up to any perceived standards I know I can't live up to, so I socialize better with them.

All in all socializing is a chore for me and it doesn't come naturally, so generally I prefer to mind my own business. Only the fear of being seen as arrogant and stuck up, and the fear of missing out on something which others portray as so important, has pushed me to socialize when I've been reluctant to.

 

[I am Matt]

What happens with me is I'm not technically against socializing; if I have a reason to jump into a conversation or ask a question, I will. If someone asks me something I will respond whether I know them or not. The thing is I typically don't have anything to say to anyone outside of the small group that knows me well and I know them well. Obviously since I usually only have something to say to that close group of people, it is near impossible for that group to become larger.

The funny thing is with almost all of them, I thought "why does this person want to talk to me so much?" and I would keep thinking that until I ended up liking to talk to them as well.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I'd like it if my social life were as fulfilling as those of others seem to be, but in reality I prefer not to socialize unless it's with someone I know and like, because otherwise I struggle to be heard, gain no valuable information, and end up exhausted for no good reason. The whole thing turns out to be superficial and useless, and my time is wasted. For me, being alone is a much better way to spend my valuable time.

 

[Nyaruko]

I want social contact some times but sometimes not. Probably because its easier for me not to socialize.

 

[I am Matt]

Yeah. I can be perfectly content being by myself and having fun, but depending on who it is, I can also have fun socializing with people.

 

[Ravkrat]

If i could travel back to the middle ages and live has a hermit (black death and all) i would.. Maybe that explains what i feel about society and talking

 

[2205]

It's complicated. When I'm alone, I feel so sad and unnormal because I don't just go out and socialize. I fear something about socializing but I'm not sure what it exactly is. I like being around people, I like to talk with someone interesting and it's okay if someone approaches me and is interested in what I do etc. But the worst situation, I mean THE worst and most embarrassing and what makes me freeze is when someone (at party for example) comes towards me, dancing, laughing, screaming and is waiting for me to respond with the same. You know that situation.. I know, usually people start dancing and respond with same kind of laughing and stupid talk, but something makes me freeze in these situation. I can understand that it's just a party and I understand jokes too, but my body just freezes. And that makes it totally impossible for other people to, let's say, flirt with me, because I just can't respond with the same "stupid talking" thing. And even being drunk doesn't help. It rather makes me rude and show it out that I don't like the situation.

I've also noticed that my mood, self-esteem and even health gets better with every day I'm not around people. If I must socialize every day, then my general feeling is anxious, I get frustrated easily, I have sweet and junk food cravings all the time, skin goes bad etc. And then when I get to be alone for a couple of days, I literally feel how positive feelings come, I walk around my house, smiling for no reason, dancing on my own, singing in the shower. Like being in love or something.. but it lasts only a few days. within a week I'm back at what said in the second sentence.

 

[Mattymatt]

I don't particularly like socializing but if I don't do it on occasion, I become withdrawn and risk clinical depression. I will do anything possible to avoid clinical depression!! Since I find myself single again, I'm going to a nearby Meetup that hopefully won't involve ear splitting music or dancing. I don't want to do this as it induces anxiety and I feel as if I want to lash out. It seems no amount of exposing myself to situations like these will rid me completely of the anxiety. I'm not one to typically surrender and people don't understand why I'll jump out of a perfectly good airplane but social situations can make me overcome with discomfort.

The one thing I haven't tried is taking Xanax prior to going to one of these events because I reserve that drug for panic attacks only as it isn't particularly good for the body. Maybe by going in more relaxed, I might be able to convince my mind that this is not a fight or flight thing. I don't really know. And, if there is dancing, maybe I'll be able to "just do it" without giving a crap about what I look like.

I can't remember where I read this, but even cats (some of the most solitary creatures in nature) need socialization at times or they become bereft. I wonder if this is basically true for humans as well. I lean towards solitary but too much time on my own is too much time to ruminate about what is going wrong in my life.

 

[toothless]

am unable to visualy or mentaly see people as anything other than objects so have never been a sociable or interactive person.
the only reason that use blog/forums is to get things out of head because am unable to do it with speech.
even on forums its extremely difficult to make back-forth postings,am really only able to e-verbalise one off posts.

 

[Mattymatt]

am unable to visualy or mentaly see people as anything other than objects so have never been a sociable or interactive person.
the only reason that use blog/forums is to get things out of head because am unable to do it with speech.
even on forums its extremely difficult to make back-forth postings,am really only able to e-verbalise one off posts.

I hear you. Even though my reasons are undoubtably different, I am an order of magnitude better at communicating in writing than speaking . Somehow, I don't communicate as effectively spoken. If I have time to prepare what I'm going to say ahead of time, I'm usually okay but that just doesn't work in an adhoc social scene.

 

[Structrix]

I don't mind social contact as long as it's no pressure and many times social contact has some pressure attached to it.

 

[gonz]

I enjoy it very much. That is, when I'm successful at it. Most of the time (or at least most of the time when my anxiety hasn't kept me from trying in the first place) I know I come across as awkward in a way that most people find off putting.

But there are times when I'll talk to people and know that I seem reasonably normal which is always very satisfying. And it doesn't take all that much, even stuff people might think of as pointless idle chit chat still helps to somewhat alleviate my usual feeling of disconnectedness.

 

[Mattymatt]

I'm still grappling with what it feels like to be connected. I get fleeting moments when I feel connected but they don't really last long enough for me to analyze. The feelings are more visceral.

 

[Owls12]

I sometimes give socializing a go whenever I feel I'm ready. I talk to certain friends through text, online chats more than I would talk to them face-to-face. I find it easier as body language is irrelevant, and I obviously have more to think about my response and reactions.

Whenever I do give socializing a go, judging my past experiences, they sometimes don't go as well as expected, and I feel I gain nothing out of it. I'm not sure how to explain why. I guess my social skills were exchanged for my gift via aspergers (which would be art, sketching), and that alone makes it significantly harder for me to maintain friendships. Social awkwardness is a bad thing to have.

 

[Mattymatt]

Socializing is absolutely necessary for me. Too much time on my own and I retreat and become depressed.

 

[Owls12]

Socializing is absolutely necessary for me. Too much time on my own and I retreat and become depressed.

I can relate to this! Whenever I feel depressed or down, it is usually linked to whether I feel I'm a good friend or not, or if I frequently talk to close friends. Sometimes at certain days I lose my social skills, and I temporarily become worse at conversing with people, hence why I have trouble maintaining friendships. It could typically be due to lack of self-rest. My mindset for socializing returns after a few days or a week each time this happens.

 

[bentHnau]

The 2nd guy rambles about his kid and the 1st guy will act like he's listening, but what he's really waiting for is a similarity that he has with 2nd guy and that's his cue to start talking about that topic. A conversation is built on similarities that two people have.and it's through these similarities people get to know each other more and form bonds making friendships.

Holy crap. So one person just spews forth a bunch of stuff while the listener(s) sit there, not really listening, but just waiting for something familiar to latch onto? How inefficient! I got tired just reading that. How about everyone keep a list of their interests in their pocket, and people pull out their lists and exchange them when they meet? Then they would know what they had in common from the beginning.

I'd like it if my social life were as fulfilling as those of others seem to be, but in reality I prefer not to socialize unless it's with someone I know and like, because otherwise I struggle to be heard, gain no valuable information, and end up exhausted for no good reason. The whole thing turns out to be superficial and useless, and my time is wasted. For me, being alone is a much better way to spend my valuable time.

This is exactly the issue for me. I don't enjoy socializing unless it is with someone I know; socializing with unfamiliar people is stressful because I don't know what I can/cannot talk about, how to talk to them, etc. I don't know anyone; therefore, I don't socialize. I haven't figured out how to deal with the acquaintance stage except to suffer through it and hope that a more intimate relationship results. Also, other people seem so casual in their interactions, and the only interaction I'm interested in is the sort that would lead to something intimate and enduring. I can't relate to their social dabbling, and I'd be afraid to put them off by being too "serious."

That said, I don't feel the need for much social contact anyway. One person in my life would be enough. I know that people say that it's a bad idea, but I prefer to get all my social needs (sex, conversation, physical affection) met by the same source; too many people in my life would be tiring and difficult to keep up with. Maybe I would progress and be open to friends once I had that one person as a stable fixture in my life. Trying to get to know multiple people at once would be a good way to overload myself.

 

[GFHandel]

I do not feel a constant desire to socialise. When I was in school I perceived it like that: there are other students in my class because the education is organised in classes. They have their own world. I didn't want anything from them and they rarely wanted something from me. Just let them be, let them exist in my class, I didn't mind their presence around me. I observed them, I listened to them, but they didn't seem to me interesting partners for conversation because we didn't share common interest. In my primary school I was interested in Lower-Sorbian language and chemistry. Rarely I have talked with one person in my class, but I had problems with multi-personal interactions. In my high school I met some people who were interested in theory of music and classical music. I didn't socialize with them much because I didn't want make them sacrifice much their free time for me. They are independent and if they do not desire to talk with me, I wouldn't interrupt their mental processes.

 

[I am Matt]

I do not feel a constant desire to socialise. When I was in school I perceived it like that: there are other students in my class because the education is organised in classes. They have their own world. I didn't want anything from them and they rarely wanted something from me. Just let them be, let them exist in my class, I didn't mind their presence around me. I observed them, I listened to them, but they didn't seem to me interesting partners for conversation because we didn't share common interest. In my primary school I was interested in Lower-Sorbian language and chemistry. Rarely I have talked with one person in my class, but I had problems with multi-personal interactions. In my high school I met some people who were interested in theory of music and classical music. I didn't socialize with them much because I didn't want make them sacrifice much their free time for me. They are independent and if they do not desire to talk with me, I wouldn't interrupt their mental processes.

I've posted this before but for me it just comes down to not having anything to say to most people. If I have something to say or add to someone's conversation, I don't necessarily mind jumping into a strangers conversation (about sports, etc). I think literally all of the friends I have had to make all of the initial effort though. They all asked me some question and then proceeded to keep talking to me (and I would wonder why this person keeps starting conversation with me) and eventually I began to like conversing with these people.