Anxiety

[baz]

For the last couple of days I've been feeling more and more anxious, I wake up all on edge and everything is stressing me. This happens to me quite often, I mean I'm always feeling anxious and stressed, I don't know what the word relaxed really feels like. my doctor says I need to take time off from work but what he doesn't understand is my problem is ME !!!
I seem to be so hyper sensitive to everything around me, I feel I'm going to explode. I work with my wife and we have a couple of ladies that work for us, and one lady in particular is pressing all my buttons. We have a puppy that we take to work with us and every day this lady says " ooh hasn't she grown" and she keeps going on about it like the puppy has gone from a pug to a great dane in less than 24 hrs. And I want to tell her to stop being so stupid and stop going on about how our puppy has grown because she hasn't . But I can't say anything except " yes, you know I think you're right she has grown".
This kind of stupid nonsense irritates the life out of me and every day is filled with people talking absolute rubbish, and people doING stupid things like not parking between the white lines, is it really so difficult!!
Oh God I'm sorry for all this **** , please someone come back and say you know what Baz, I feel like that a lot of the time as well. I can't talk to my wife because I'm already driving her insane, and I don't have anyone else.

 

[watersprite]

Well, hi baz, I do feel like that a lot of the time. I'm working with my therapist to get me to a better level. I hope you can find some thing(s) that will give you some relief, and me as well. Exercise is beginning to help. Heck, If I have to train for a marathon I think it'd be worth it if it'd make this anxiety back off.

 

[dragonless]

Hey Baz, i can relate; some people can be so annoying. Maybe try some deep breaths or short meditation... but i really agree with kestrel that exercise is a wonderful stress reliever. Nothing fancy - just a vigorous fast walk around the block while imagining pinching that lady's cheeks while exclaiming "Just look how cute you are!" and also, "My, you really have grown!"

 

[ASD_Geek]

Hi Baz! I go through the same thing with anxiety. Mine usually shows up at night and prevents me from sleeping. It also happens all of the time, too. It got so bad that I mentioned it to my neurologist and he said that there was nothing that he could do and recommended that I see a psychiatrist which I have yet to do.

Hang in there. It's good to rant here. Chances are that there are people here going through the same thing

I hope that it gets better for you.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

For the last couple of days I've been feeling more and more anxious, I wake up all on edge and everything is stressing me. This happens to me quite often, I mean I'm always feeling anxious and stressed, I don't know what the word relaxed really feels like. my doctor says I need to take time off from work but what he doesn't understand is my problem is ME !!!
I seem to be so hyper sensitive to everything around me, I feel I'm going to explode. I work with my wife and we have a couple of ladies that work for us, and one lady in particular is pressing all my buttons. We have a puppy that we take to work with us and every day this lady says " ooh hasn't she grown" and she keeps going on about it like the puppy has gone from a pug to a great dane in less than 24 hrs. And I want to tell her to stop being so stupid and stop going on about how our puppy has grown because she hasn't . But I can't say anything except " yes, you know I think you're right she has grown".
This kind of stupid nonsense irritates the life out of me and every day is filled with people talking absolute rubbish, and people doING stupid things like not parking between the white lines, is it really so difficult!!
Oh God I'm sorry for all this **** , please someone come back and say you know what Baz, I feel like that a lot of the time as well. I can't talk to my wife because I'm already driving her insane, and I don't have anyone else.

I go through this as well, but in reverse. I don't ever want to work in an environment that lets dogs wander around and "socialize" with everybody, and I have to work really hard at hiding this because it's part of the mask I wear at work. Dogs do like me, but I hate being sniffed at, and I especially hate barkers, leapers, snatch-sniffers, and the people who expect me to go all-baby talk over their surrogate baby (the dog). If I try to explain that I really don't like dogs, the gushing response "oh, he won't hurt you."

Ahem. If I'm panicked, I might hurt him. An even worse scenario will then ensue, of which the dog's teeth are the least of my problems.

So I grin and then take a two-hour lunch where it's safe.

Your puppy may be the only thing she can show love to at work. I know this doesn't make this any less hard on you, but can you see her as lonely and desperate to interact with something that likes her as she is?

People don't talk about love at work, but it's real and it can be devastating if she's trying to just get by on puppy rations of it. Any chance she's trying to relate to you or your wife through the dog?

 

[baz]

Thanks for the kind words guys, It really does help me being on this forum to get a clearer perspective. Aspergirl4hire upon reading your reply I feel maybe I should look at our lady at work in a different light, I didn't consider her feelings at all which makes me feel a bit of a ****.

 

[Progster]

I agree with the suggesting of taking exercise, it really does help.

I can understand how you feel, this kind of remark really drives me mad too. Don't people ever stop and think about what they are saying? Going to the hairdresser's drives me crazy, because every time I go there she says "your hair really has grown" or something like that, and inside I'm thinking "well duh, it's been 3 months since I was last here, of course it's grown!"

 

[Suzanne]

Hi Bar

I FEEL THE SAME.

How's about this one then? I am snubbing a couple I know, but as in, just being very polite and that is all. Yes, I have an issue and it isn't even to do with me, but how my husband was treated. I did write a letter, but advised that only if I cannot move on, should thus letter be given, but it is getting very close, since this very person comes out and says: hey Suzanne, you not talking to me? As per usual, my mind went completely blank and so I just went into surreal mode and fumbled or mumbled rubbish and walked away, but hey, he never waits for an answer anyway, so he did not demand anything, but it was only after the damn reply came, but too late. Well, that all depends on you? I should have said. Trouble is, never do these situations repeat.

I have been suffering extreme anxiety myself, of late. But am blessed to have discovered, thanks to hubby, bringing them home and that is. Seditifpc which is all natural and works so fast, to calm my nerves down.

If you are interested, I could send you some and if they work, you can get them from your pharmacy. PM me if you are interested for I will need an address to send them.

Yes, indeed, it is so hard when we, ourselves are the issue.

 

[baz]

Thanks Suzanne
ill look into that and come back to you.

 

[Warmheart]

Gosh Baz, are we related? I feel often just as you describe. It can be challenging to be so sensitive around people. I agree with exercise helping to dissipate stress chemicals in the body and helping us feel calmer. I am sending you good thoughts for today!

 

[Kay Peterson]

For the last couple of days I've been feeling more and more anxious, I wake up all on edge and everything is stressing me. This happens to me quite often, I mean I'm always feeling anxious and stressed, I don't know what the word relaxed really feels like. my doctor says I need to take time off from work but what he doesn't understand is my problem is ME !!!
I seem to be so hyper sensitive to everything around me, I feel I'm going to explode. I work with my wife and we have a couple of ladies that work for us, and one lady in particular is pressing all my buttons. We have a puppy that we take to work with us and every day this lady says " ooh hasn't she grown" and she keeps going on about it like the puppy has gone from a pug to a great dane in less than 24 hrs. And I want to tell her to stop being so stupid and stop going on about how our puppy has grown because she hasn't . But I can't say anything except " yes, you know I think you're right she has grown".
This kind of stupid nonsense irritates the life out of me and every day is filled with people talking absolute rubbish, and people doING stupid things like not parking between the white lines, is it really so difficult!!
Oh God I'm sorry for all this **** , please someone come back and say you know what Baz, I feel like that a lot of the time as well. I can't talk to my wife because I'm already driving her insane, and I don't have anyone else.

 

[Kay Peterson]

Hi Baz.. I am bipolar and I use to have panic attacks they were terrible I felt like I was dizzy, heart rate fast, sweating. It just hit me at different times I had to take meds for that. And it finally went away, I don't understand why . Maybe try talking to this woman but that's scary. I have days when the whole world is full of dumb as I have to sit alone. Doctors don't seem to understand we have bills to pay. I would try a psychologist. Good luck it has to go away.

 

[baz]

Today has been a day of mixed emotions, you all probably think " well, nothing new there then mate ". And you would be right because everyday is a battle. I have been very anxious again, this time more about how I've failed to be the father I should have been, and the husband my wife deserves to have. I look at her after being together for 30yrs and all I see is pain and sadness.
you know, I tried to commit suicide several times in my teens and I truly believe I should have died when I was 14, then all this hurt that I have inflicted upon everyone would never have happened. I'm so sorry to talk like this its just been such a hard life and it all catches up with me sometimes.
This forum does help me and I know I will pick myself up again, and all of you have been lovely to me. I wonder, if you knew me in the flesh I would very soon drive you away so at least you are all safe from me.
I'm seeing my psychiatrist next week so maybe he'll perform a miracle, who knows.

 

[Kay Peterson]

Baz I think you need to hug your family, find someone you can talk to I am glad you did not kill yourself. I know sometimes I think about it but I can't do that to my 3 kids an 13 Grandkids now one Great Grandson and another coming in May, I want them all to remember me in a good way. I know you can get thru this, I don't go to church every Sunday but I will pray for you and your family, I bet there are some good times you're not thinking of. And try to think positive about going to the doctor. I hope you know that there are people out there that care about you, I am one sending lots of hugs your way xxxxxxx

 

[Julia 27]

Thanks for the kind words guys, It really does help me being on this forum to get a clearer perspective. Aspergirl4hire upon reading your reply I feel maybe I should look at our lady at work in a different light, I didn't consider her feelings at all which makes me feel a bit of a ****.

That's the thing with Aspies we often feel like we are not nice. What you say makes sense to me and I relate to it and can affirm that what you feel is pretty typical for me as well but as the others are saying given this is causing you unhappiness consider more exercise that you like and see her as trying to reach you both through the dog. I think that was quite an insightful thing to say.
And then this site can be your pressure or safety valve to let off steam when you need to and when you need a bit of understanding
I have just gone a touching time with my friend of 50 odd years who just cannot accept that I won't come to her 60th birthday party which is going to involve lots of old uni people I know etc etc. She says I have to try harder socially. Well that was it that is what made me get my diagnosis so that maybe she could understand that its not a choice that I am so stressed in a social gathering and just cant keep up the act any longer so I told her of my official diagnosis and she said now she understands and thanked me for sharing it with her.

 

[baz]

Thank you Kay, thank you Julia, you are both very kind to respond to my outpourings.
I don't have friends or family but I do have Tracy my wonderful wife, and together we will get through this latest bout of feeling sorry for myself. Now that my head is a bit clearer, I'll do my best to focus on the positives in my life which I can do a lot of the time.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

T...I have been very anxious again, this time more about how I've failed to be the father I should have been, and the husband my wife deserves to have. I look at her after being together for 30yrs and all I see is pain and sadness.

Consider yourself hugged (or whatever form of loving support has meaning for you).

"Should have" is an expression that should be allowed to wear out and be retired. It's useful in real-time, but not so much later.

I have a Thing I've named the Hanging Judge, a viciously critical stream of non-step self-criticism who can convict me on anything, and taking back the power this judge abuses is a daily struggle. I'm real sure I haven't always been the parent or partner I wanted to be...because perfection doesn't exist.

With big things like looking at someone through a years-long lens, I've found it helpful to ask myself, what positive difference have I made in this person's life? If the Hanging Judge convicts me of being nothing but a millstone around their neck, then I've had some good fortune turning the question around: what positive difference does this person make to me in my life? I write down the list. On one occasion I mailed the list to the person and they kept it for decades.

you know, I tried to commit suicide several times in my teens and I truly believe I should have died when I was 14, then all this hurt that I have inflicted upon everyone would never have happened. I'm so sorry to talk like this its just been such a hard life and it all catches up with me sometimes.

Been there, done that, got the coffee mug. Quite a few people here can say the same.

The thoughts you are having are lies. I remarked to someone recently that this is part of the story Despair tells to keep its strength by debilitating yours. You cannot see yourself accurately. It's good to notice that anyone feeling this bad isn't going to see themselves accurately, potentially even your wife. Think about that list.

This forum does help me and I know I will pick myself up again, and all of you have been lovely to me. I wonder, if you knew me in the flesh I would very soon drive you away so at least you are all safe from me.
I'm seeing my psychiatrist next week so maybe he'll perform a miracle, who knows.

Oh, are you a porcupine too? Splendid! I needed company.

 

[baz]

Wow Aspergirl4hire, thank you so very much. It does me a lot of good on here, you are all such amazing people.
I do find it surprising that you show such empathy for me when aspies are supposed to be low on the empathy scale. When I was being tested my scores for empathy were very low, and my psychologist explained that this is typical.
Anyway, I'm glad you are not all like me and please accept my heart felt thanks.

 

[Julia 27]

Yes wow Aspergirl4hire

 

[Nanda]

Hi there!
I know how it feels, its really bad. The irritability usually comes with the negative thought that, sometimes, reflect on my opinions and some times in my behaviours, even thought i am conscious about it. Its prejudicial to us and the people around us.
When my anxiety is getting worse ( i'm still having some trouble swallowing my meals) i start to think i was going insane, "is that my imagination? Am i inventing things?". Turns out i wasn't, i had talked to a psychologist about it, so i already knew about my anxiety issues. But sometimes i doubt myself, so, the (possible) aspie on me thought was better to analize it as scientific as possible to understand what was going on .
The respiration exercise only made me more dizzy and very aware about my respiration, so i stop doing that. Now, to control some aspects of my anxiety, when i'm very stressed out i escape the annoying sounds by hearing music, i try to overcome the feeling of being watched (the paranoia about people staring at you) by looking on my surroundings and i escape annoying people (if i can't avoid that person at all) by changing the subject of our conversation as soon as i can, redirect to something neutral, sometimes work, sometimes doesn't.
About talking to someone, yep, i get you, its hard when the people around us are already overwhelmed by us, my sister are. Ranting here it's the best thing i found, so far. When we find people that understand us it's already a relief. The mutual share of stories and experiences build on us some kind of self understanding that change us in some ways. I know i changed since i found this place.