Am I the only one that experiences jealousy?

[ksheehan88]

Jealousy is meltdown inducing for me. I'm not the only aspie who experiences jealousy, am I? Even the slightest bit causes an extreme reaction.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Can't answer your question, but I can tell you that jealousy is just about the worst poison there is for relationships. And I doubt jealousy discriminates among any groups.

 

[MrSpock]

No, you're not.

 

[Gritches]

Do I? Probably. But rather than "I want that instead of you" it's more like "I want something like that, too." So I guess what I'm talking about is more like coveting, I don't know if that's what you meant.

 

[Mia]

When I was your age, yeah. Recall an old friend who constantly flirted with my then boyfriend when she drank a little too much. As an aspie he didn't notice, but I did. I stopped inviting her round. As for other sorts of jealousy unrelated to relationships, probably not as much.

When one of my closest male friends, became involved with someone much younger who really used him, and I figured it out pretty quickly, he accused me of jealousy. He came to realize that supporting her and her entire family was not something that made me jealous. I was more concerned for his loss of a lifetime of savings.

 

[OlLiE]

i don't get jealous, i believe two people belong together or don't , if there is an objective reason for me to feel jealous then there is no trust, if there is no trust there is no relationship , so i end it there and then

what's the point of relationship that doesn't make you feel good

 

[Mr Allen]

It's a secret I'll take to my Grave, but I'm a bit jealous of my older Brother, he's got everything I want, a good job, a wife, and 2 good kids, he's been married 12 years in September and the kids are 7 and 10.

 

[MrSpock]

i don't get jealous, i believe two people belong together or don't , if there is an objective reason for me to feel jealous then there is no trust, if there is no trust there is no relationship , so i end it there and then

what's the point of relationship that doesn't make you feel good

Suppose two people do belong together but a silly miscommunication keeps them apart long enough for one of them to get involved with a third person. I don't see that trust need enter into it necessarily. Your post gives the impression that you end things often and early, which is funny on Seinfeld but not so much from a real person being serious.

Whether jealousy is a relationship-ending worthy thing or not depends on how bad it is and how deep into the relationship you are. If you've been married for ten years and experience intense jealousy every day that's indicative of a problem. If you like someone and they're actually seeing other people uncontrolled jealousy may be a problem, but to experience the emotion is simply being human, and even some aspies are subject to this. I guess most people would consider this part of a healthy interest in the other person, and without any jealousy might conclude that you simply don't like them enough for a serious romance. It is a test that I have been unaware of most of my life, and through such miscommunications as this I have failed to get closer to women when we both wanted to get closer but each misread the situation.

I like being in romantic relationships. I hate trying to get there. (edited to add -) Sometimes.

 

[clg114]

Well, I am jealous because Nitro and Sportster both have Harley's and I do not. So yes, I get jealous too.

 

[sidd851]

Suppose two people do belong together but a silly miscommunication keeps them apart long enough for one of them to get involved with a third person. I don't see that trust need enter into it necessarily. Your post gives the impression that you end things often and early, which is funny on Seinfeld but not so much from a real person being serious.

Whether jealousy is a relationship-ending worthy thing or not depends on how bad it is and how deep into the relationship you are. If you've been married for ten years and experience intense jealousy every day that's indicative of a problem. If you like someone and they're actually seeing other people uncontrolled jealousy may be a problem, but to experience the emotion is simply being human, and even some aspies are subject to this. I guess most people would consider this part of a healthy interest in the other person, and without any jealousy might conclude that you simply don't like them enough for a serious romance. It is a test that I have been unaware of most of my life, and through such miscommunications as this I have failed to get closer to women when we both wanted to get closer but each misread the situation.

I like being in romantic relationships. I hate trying to get there. (edited to add -) Sometimes.

I have been aware of this "test" for many years.
It is absolute and unyielding, and it is fairly simple to determine what the correct response/decision should be.
Whichever you determine it to be---
That she wants you to be a little jealous,
or that ANY jealousy is wrong, intrusive, and cloistering... Your chances of being wrong are approximately 100%.
(You will...
Gnarfle the Garthok.)

 

[the_tortoise]

My understanding is this:

Envy = I want something you have, I envy the thing or the ability or the person. I don't necessarily want to take it/them away from you, maybe I just want to have something similar or identical.

Jealousy = I fear you are taking/going to take what I have, that I am going to lose a person or thing to the person I am jealous of.

I have felt both, but jealousy is pretty rare for me.

 

[OlLiE]

"Suppose two people do belong together but a silly miscommunication keeps them apart long enough for one of them to get involved with a third person. I don't see that trust need enter into it necessarily. Your post gives the impression that you end things often and early, which is funny on Seinfeld but not so much from a real person being serious."

I've never encountered that situation,

If silly miscommunication keeps people apart and lasts long enough to get involved with a third person, well then how could they possibly belong together, that just sounds like denial to me

trust and communication are an absolute for a relationship imo,
and i won't make excuses for a partner that doesn't feel the same
i will not 'fight' for someone for whom
- solving miscommunication errors is not a priority, and
- who lets problems endure to the point they find someone else

a waste of my time and a waste of sparse emotional energy

i have been in a wonderful relationship for 8 years now and am happily married by the way,
so i'm quite sure that i am a 'real person being serious'

i am happy that you enjoy watching Seinfeld,
i never saw the appeal

 

[Jersey]

I think most people have experienced feelings of jealousy, but to me it's also a sign that it's a bad relationship, or the person is doing bad stuff to you (cheating,etc). I don't get like that all the time so I don't know what you'd do. Work on better self esteem, less materialism, or whatever's behind it. Maybe articles on those topics or therapy/someone who knows more about this to help you.

 

[Judge]

I experience neither jealousy or envy. Though I've never thought of it as related to autism.

 

[Sid Delicious]

Not intense jealousy, no. Certainly not to the point of meltdown. If I notice someone has something that I'd like, then I generally try to find a way to get the same thing myself. I don't want to deprive them of whatever that thing is. I just ask how/where they got the item (normally shoes) and then track it down myself.

I do understand the relationship envy though. I fell in love years ago and have had to 'watch' (from a distance) that man date someone else. But at the same time I'm glad that at least he's happy (or I hope he is anyway). And I just hope that at some point I'll meet someone very similar who is available. Wasting time and energy feeling jealous is pointless. Life isn't fair and complaining about that fact won't change anything. You had to focus on the positives. I've been lucky in other areas of my life, so maybe people envy me for that.

 

[Bolletje]

I never experienced jealousy until I was cheated on for the first time. Ever since it gets pretty bad, although it mostly manifests itself as paranoia in my case. I’m never scared of my boyfriend leaving me, but I am occasionally worried he’s cheating and lying about it and I’m somehow gullible enough to believe him. Which opens up the second can of worms, because I generally think I’m a really good judge of character and I know him so well. I worry and hurt so much, even though I know rationally that there’s most likely nothing going on.

The meltdowns are terrible. I recently had to cancel a weekend visit to my sister -who I hadn’t seen in over half a year - because my anxiety over my boyfriend got so bad I was constantly on the edge of a meltdown. Managed to keep the dam from bursting until I got home, then burst into tears the moment I entered the house, much to the surprise of my oblivious boyfriend. Haven’t had such a terrible crying meltdown in months.

 

[Fitzo]

Having been brought up by parents who never gave any positive reassurance only criticism, I have always struggled with self esteem. I have managed to achieve it in some areas of my life, but relationships have always plunged me into deep insecurity. On that basis it didn't take a lot to feel jealousy as the insecurity was there right from the start. The jealousy only made things worse so it was a vicious cycle that triggered anxiety and depression. One of the reasons I have decided that relationships are not worth the pain in my case.

 

[Phanelope]

I experience jealousy but it doesn’t make me meltdown on its own. I will sometimes just think “I wish I had a nice house” or something like that. But Sometimes I can be in meltdown mode and be thinking “why can’t I just cope with life like everyone else” I’m not even sure if that’s jealousy.

 

[Adora]

Everyone regardless of being on the spectrum or not can experience jealousy,while I don’t have meltdowns due to just jealousy I understand that it can be a stress trigger for a lot of people,I have moments where I wished I have had certain things and I get upset but it’s never caused my meltdowns mine are due to multiple types of stressors which to others can look like I’m upset over one thing but I can meltdown if I have a argument with my husband but thankfully it’s not a daily occurrence.

 

[Crossbreed]

Before my diagnosis, I was envious of other people's long-term successes. (I had a fair amount of short-term ones.)

Afterwards, I concluded that my communication barrier was more to blame, not malicious intent (generally). And that I would have to pursue my dreams somewhat differently.