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Am I the only one that experiences jealousy?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by ksheehan88, Jul 13, 2018.

  1. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Mostly I don't feel jealous of others maybe envious of good musicians is where I do feel it, but mostly I just enjoy how great they are. I m too objective too feel it maybe? I rationalise, much as @Crossbreed said.

    I do sometimes feel disappointed I am not socially able and this causes others to disregard me somewhat. But hey I ll always have cats.
     
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  2. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It is a natural human emotion. Some experience it more, some less.
    As far as material objects such as a car I like, items, and even someone's looks that I wish I had,
    I don't really call it jealousy. Envy maybe. Wishing I had type thinking.

    My deepest jealousy is in romantic relationships.
    Unless I am in an open relationship where we enter with the agreement we will both continue to see
    others if we want, then I expect no cheating and lies.
    When I find out they are going with someone else and that they have lied about it then the trust is gone
    and that is something I rarely can get over.
     
  3. ksheehan88

    ksheehan88 :)

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    Thank you for all your replies.

    My jealousy/paranoia issue stems from insecurity and I know I'm being irrational but I'm unable to control my reactions. The problem is (which I didn't realise til a friend mentioned it) is that I feel the physical effects before I then work out why I feel that way and I ruminate on it. I have the pain and try to stop it by thinking about why I'm in pain but thinking about it makes it worse and once its there I can't get rid of it.

    I don't get jealous/envious over materialistic things, nor over everything, its just the one person.

    I don't know how to stop it. Its like experiencing heartbreak repeatedly and intensely in a very short space of time and really does make me feel like I'm losing my grip on my sanity.

    @Bolletje, this description is the closest I can relate to from the replies.
     
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  4. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I often wish that I could have things that other people have, but I don't act spitefully to someone just because they have something that I don't.
     
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  5. Bella Pines

    Bella Pines Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yep, I get it in extremes, hot or cold.

    Day to day I don't really experience jealousy, but every now and again it flairs up and is all consuming! It happened recently with one of my "friends". I'm stuck in the real world, juggling kids and a soul destroying day job in an office, whereas this "friend" gave up work and her dad gives her money each month. Also her husband has a well paying job and a good pension. And she moans about it. I would give anything to be sitting comfortably and not have to work! I could focus on my special interests and have freedom! So I started resenting her something rotten, to the point it would give me anxiety. I stopped talking to her and just got randomly angry.

    But eventually I twigged that it was nothing to do with her, I knew her for years before the jealousy took hold. So I fell back on my visualization techniques and mixed in some reiki and chakra healing and trained my brain away from the jealousy. It took a few months but I'm mostly over it now and met up with her for a nice coffee.

    But when jealousy hits it's often quite severe for me.
     
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  6. ksheehan88

    ksheehan88 :)

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    It really is all consuming, isn't it? It totally takes over when it happens.
     
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  7. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    I can relate so much. I feel physically ill, my stomach hurts, I’m nauseous and dizzy, my gut acts up, and when I’m trying to figure out why, I realize I have this horrible feeling of impending doom building up in me and increasing by the minute. It keeps getting worse and I generally can’t calm down until I’ve confirmed nothing bad is in fact happening.
     
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  8. ksheehan88

    ksheehan88 :)

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    Yes!

    By which point, I've convinced myself I've made it worse and if the person didn't hate me before, they do now, because I've been all neurotic and insane... again...
     
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  9. LogicalMind

    LogicalMind Well-Known Member

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    You're a lovely lady Ksheehan... I am envious of you... You are amazing

    There is no need to be jealous of others, you are doing a great job
     
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  10. onlything

    onlything Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm more envious than jealous.
     
  11. windowall

    windowall 見ぬが花

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    This is my experience also. I didn't experience jealousy until my ex was cheating on me and we eventually split up. Since then I am more prone to jealous feelings in romance. Not with friendship or envy in my personal life though.

    I feel like it's more trust issues than jealousy. I get self conscious because I choose my friends and partners based on intuition, and usually trust it pretty strongly. When my judge of character is wrong or people switch it up on me and start acting with a lack of loyalty or dedication to the partnership I lose confidence and anxiety/fear/worry that problems from my past are repeating will override logic. Usually when I feel myself getting jealous I distance from whatever the subject is because I don't want to inflict my emotional problems on other people. In the end, it has more to do with me than anything to do with them. On the other hand, if I trust that person enough to feel safe enough to talk about I will open up a conversation about it and address my feelings.
     
  12. Mattymatt

    Mattymatt Imperfectly Perfect

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    Have you taken a moment to consider what's causing the jealousy and what the triggers might be?
     
  13. Mattymatt

    Mattymatt Imperfectly Perfect

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    Hey man! You can't compare your life with that of your brother's. You guys are two very different people with different lives.
     
  14. Katherine Rawstron

    Katherine Rawstron Colourfreak

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    Everybody gets jealous sometimes, even if only as a child. It's not helpful and, if you are Christian or Jewish, the Bible has a lot to say on the subject; but it is human.
    However, it's all very well saying jealousy/envy is wrong, isn't it. How about some tips as to what you can do about it? Well, here are a couple of suggestions which might help.

    When you find yourself envying somebody something they have but you haven't, try to think of 3 things you have which they haven't; this can include material possessions, personal attributes (i.e. talents or things you're good at; don't gloat or get holier-than-thou because you're a better person than they are), things you've achieved, places you've been etc. If you don't know the person very well, or it's somebody from your distant past and you're out of touch, just do the best you can with what you know or can remember about them. You may make reasonable assumptions, but don't overdo it.

    Think of 3 things about them which you don't envy; this can include health issues, something which is a blessing to them but wouldn't be to you (i.e. a job which they love but you would hate, or a spouse you couldn't live with etc), a difficult childhood, personal struggles, something they failed to achieve. Again, don't gloat, and if you don't know them well enough to think of 3 things, just do the best you can.

    These won't solve the problem, but may help you get things into perspective a bit.
     
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  15. Robin Winter

    Robin Winter Lover of Cheesequakes

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    Extremely, and not simple jealousy, I have "episodes", and it's so bad I'm convinced that I've been cheated on, as if it's fact and not suspicion, like it becomes my reality. It's a product of BPD and a history of actually being cheated on for me.
     
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  16. GrownupGirl

    GrownupGirl Tempermental Artist

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    Right now I'm jealous of my own parents because they have a swimming pool and we're having a real heat wave. But they only invite me down maybe once or twice in the summer. I live about a half-hour's drive away from them, and in August my uncle and his family come down to stay with for nearly the whole month, so there's no real place for me to sleep or have privacy at my parent's house until them.

    On the other hand, my mom is envious of ME because I have an air conditioner in my living room. Yeah it's great being stuck in my apartment day after day after with virtually nothing to do because it's too hot for me to go out anywhere alone. It's just great.:rage:
     
  17. Iamnotarabot

    Iamnotarabot Well-Known Member

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    I Dont think Iv ever been jealous of someone in particular.
    Maybe the only time I was feeling something similar to jealousy it would have been in my last year of hightschool.


    Like all the people in my class were in couple and showing that at school, this year I admited to a a girl that I loved her ( not sur if it was realy love anyway moving on you get the point), but ofc she wasnt on the same page and she started dating another guy of the class after that and she sayed with him for a couple of year.

    I was angry at him but because I would have liked that he talked to be about it I felt betrayed because I falsy imagined we were friends. I was like the last to know about, this feeling make me slowly hate everyone in this class.
    I had something against him and if you dont look at it precisely you think I was jealous but not at all...

    And I was also desperate because I couldnt understand why I was unable to connect with people especially with girls, at some point I was realy upset but upset about me more than others.

    When I was a kid I had a crying meltdown at a birthday party and my mother thought I was jealous.

    And generaly speaking, one of the thing that I hate the most in society and human being is when someone is criticizing someone else because that person has like a slight advantage compared to his own situation ( and I think this is jealousy? ) I my head I think " come on let them enjoy their life for god sake !"


    To be honest, I think this is also related to my education, and my tendencie to take things litteraly especially when I was younger , because I was in a catholic school and at some point we learned the 10 commendements ( well the non religious one like the laws you have in it not directly related to worship, it was a catholic school but we learn the cultural part of it not the belief part, I dont believe in god neither if you want to know.)
    And the last one is about jealousy I guess, and now I think about it it might also be the reason why I never ever tried to do anything with a girl that is already in a relationship, I mean, When I was younger and I tried a litte to find a girlfriend, once I knew she was in couple it was over.

    Another principle is wired to my brain, Don't do to others what you don't want them to do youself, I guess iv learned that at school aswell, and this is the rule I used since I am a kid to manage my impulses ( I had few violence impulse younger.)
     
  18. pjcnet

    pjcnet Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Jealousy is part of our primitive human instinct that is designed to make us fight for dominance where the strongest survive, flourish and often breed, it comes down to survival of the fittest. Thankfully even though human beings instinctively feel jealousy the majority of us have learned to mostly subdue it and even when we still feel it, most of us will not act upon it with hostile intent. One of the strongest forms of jealously is often over a potential sexual partner or ex sexual partner, but jealousy can also be over anything that is often considered advantageous such a money or objects. Obviously not everyone can subdue jealousy or they don't want to and some people will therefore still act upon it, sometimes even with violent consequences. If we drink alcohol it can also reduce our ability to subdue it, this is one reason why we often see drunken people fighting over a potential sexual partner. Jealousy can also be on a group level which is also related to our primitive tribal instinct, on the very worst scale it can be on a country level which could even lead to war.

    Jealousy is therefore not in my opinion anything specific toward autism, but it could potentially cause complications when autistic people feel jealousy and attempt to subdue it. Like everyone else I have on occasions felt jealousy and if anyone says they haven't I don't believe them, even devoted Buddhist monks will have almost certainly felt jealousy at some point in their lives and they're masters at subduing it with no interest in processions or sexual partners while remaining totally at peace with everything. I am however able to subdue it and not act upon it even during the very worst times when I've felt hurt and then jealousy towards another man who has successfully become close with a women I was interested in at the time, no-one can deny it's a horrid feeling however and I can certainly understand why some people do act upon this primitive instinct, but we have to remind ourselves that we are better than that and in time the jealousy will wear off.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2018
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  19. Molly

    Molly Happily living inside my head

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    My ex used to 'triangulate' me by his daily talks about his dozens and dozens of perfect exes.. what they got up together, how beautiful they were etc - (even in our most intimate moments). I now realise what he was doing, and after lots of research, I now believe he has an antisocial personality disorder (the worst kind) - at the time, although I felt very confused and anxious (always on edge) I was never jealous or envious. I cannot, and never have, been able to feel envy or jealously, just confusion and anxiety.

    The important thing here is, he's my ex...

    I have never been cheated on so perhaps I would feel jealousy if I had, I just don't know.
     
  20. pjcnet

    pjcnet Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You must have felt jealousy at some point in your life however, even if it was during your childhood, perhaps you were jealous of the most popular kid in school or someone who was top in many subjects? I'm not saying that you acted upon it, but the feeling must have been there at some point. Even now don't you feel just a little bit jealous when you see rich and famous people living lives of luxury, especially when they haven't earnt it and most definitely don't deserve it, E.g. they were lucky and/or born into a wealthy family? How about when you hear about people winning the lottery?

    I honestly believe everyone has at least experienced the feeling of jealousy at some point in their lives because it's a natural instinct that most of us thankfully try to subdue.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2018