Am I the only one never had a boyfriend?

[Marycv]

I'm 40 years old (has PDD), and never had a boyfriend. I wish in a way to have a boyfriend, and know what it's like to be in a relationship. I am told because I stay home a lot and stay out more. It is not easy, and many guys aren't really interested me. They either say I'm too nice, not understand me, have a girlfriend, or aren't interested.

 

[Spiller]

Hey, Marycv, I was very isolated and either stayed at home or went out alone. Then I recently started joining Autism and mental health groups and charities I found through google searches. It definitely helps to force yourself to go out and find activities to share with others, even if it's just a coffee morning once a month - once you start, one thing can lead to another.. I'm soon about to volunteer to host a peer group for a mental health charity once a month - I have no idea how it'll go, but I'm willing to try.
I found it all very hard at first and it can still be difficult - I may even hide at home sometimes, still, but I'm not stuck doing just that now.

Do you work?
Do you have any activities outside work that involve other people?
Would you consider doing volunteer work?

 

[NateSean]

My stepfather was in his early forties when he met my mother. There's someone out there for everyone and you just need to comfort yourself with knowing that you haven't found that person yet. I've found someone that accepts me for who I am and I didn't find him five minutes out of the gate.

 

[SPEED RACER]

Hi I am 44 I know how you feel you should check out spectrum singles . com. Todd

 

[garnetflower13]

I didn't get married till I was over forty, so don't despair!

 

[S0093679]

Ive had my share. I have to wonder though, because Im pretty the guys like to have their way and not much more.
You know what? Being pretty aint all its cracked up to be, Its much better to have friends, guys dont tend to see beyond my face and bra size :-(

The only thing I can recommend is to find friends, real friends who love you, and maybe one of those will become an intimate relationship based on something true. Sometimes these things happen in the most unexpected times and places. Follow your interests, is there anything you like to do? Maybe find others who enjoy the same things, maybe there will be someone there who you can build a relationship with on common grounds. Voluntary work is an excellent suggestion.

Love to you Mary

 

[Suzanne]

I am so glad that the aspies who have answered, are hopefully able to encourage you to not give up.

I know many who are not aspies and found love in their 40's and 50's and beyond.

For me personally, surprisingly, before I met my husband, I had had a few boyfriends.

Also in my faith as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, I happen to know many who are still virgins at 40 and over! And not because they tell me, but because being faithful and single and never dating, says it all!

 

[Ylva]

I don't have a boyfriend, but I do have a vivid imagination. Vivid enough that if I need a hug I'll imagine one. Only getting through the withdrawal pains of not being able to pet my dog, who is on vacation with my sister, by imagining holding her. My tactile memory does the rest.

 

[wanderer03]

I'm 40 years old (has PDD), and never had a boyfriend. I wish in a way to have a boyfriend, and know what it's like to be in a relationship. I am told because I stay home a lot and stay out more. It is not easy, and many guys aren't really interested me. They either say I'm too nice, not understand me, have a girlfriend, or aren't interested.

We are each on our own timelines. Don't let society place artifical milestone markers on your personal journey. I had my first girlfriend at 37. There is no written rule that says you should be further along at such and such an age. Relationships aren't ready at all and sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side. If the grass is greener on the other side it is only because it needs more tending. ;-)

 

[Marycv]

Hi Spiller
I don't work, sadly where I live it is hard to find a job I am good at. You mentioned volunteer, maybe I can try that. I did in the past work and volunteer, but never anyone. Many weren't interested in me (even for friendship).

 

[Marycv]

Hi I am 44 I know how you feel you should check out spectrum singles . com. Todd

Thanks, that is very nice.

 

[Marycv]

Ive had my share. I have to wonder though, because Im pretty the guys like to have their way and not much more.
You know what? Being pretty aint all its cracked up to be, Its much better to have friends, guys dont tend to see beyond my face and bra size :-(

The only thing I can recommend is to find friends, real friends who love you, and maybe one of those will become an intimate relationship based on something true. Sometimes these things happen in the most unexpected times and places. Follow your interests, is there anything you like to do? Maybe find others who enjoy the same things, maybe there will be someone there who you can build a relationship with on common grounds. Voluntary work is an excellent suggestion.

Love to you Mary

I did volunteer in the past, but it wasn't helpful. I was try again. It's hard when someone doesn't have challenges, people have difficult understanding I am different.

 

[Beverly]

Ive had my share. I have to wonder though, because Im pretty the guys like to have their way and not much more.
You know what? Being pretty aint all its cracked up to be, Its much better to have friends, guys dont tend to see beyond my face and bra size :-(

The only thing I can recommend is to find friends, real friends who love you, and maybe one of those will become an intimate relationship based on something true. Sometimes these things happen in the most unexpected times and places. Follow your interests, is there anything you like to do? Maybe find others who enjoy the same things, maybe there will be someone there who you can build a relationship with on common grounds. Voluntary work is an excellent suggestion.

Love to you Mary

I know exactly what you mean. Age is taking my looks a bit but, in my younger years, my career demanded I look good at all times. I was the perfect 10 with long brunet hair, perfectly balance measurements (34-24-34), strutting about in 4 inch spike heels and skin tight leather pants and, a halter top.

I got the dates and, the propositions, even proposals - far more of that than I wanted. I had to learn to be assertive to get anyone to see beyond my body, and for men, that was mostly my bra size. (my inner circle of friends and colleagues excepted.)

There is someone for you out there, don't try to force it, you will meet when you are both ready to meet. I would have preferred that to the onslaught of attention I received.

 

[grommet]

I was 42 when i met my partner. Soon it will be 5 years we are together. I once met a man who was in his mid 60's and he told me he had never had a date.

I do not know if you will meet someone and have a boyfriend but I caution you that there are many things to catch you off-guard when starting a relationship if you don't have experience. There is so much to learn. I think my best advice is not to be extra polite trying to make some new person like you but instead to be yourself as you already are. I think there are fewer misunderstandings that way, things are more predictable for you and you feel more comfortable doing this new thing that is already uncomfortable.

Finding someone you have something in common with seems to be the best way. If you already enjoy something, like the film Galaxy Quest (just an example) and you meet someone who enjoys talking about the film, then you already have a chance at a friendship. I used to try meeting women just for the sake of dating and I realize now how that didn't make any sense.

Good luck and please take care of yourself, be gentle. If you can meet new people who are interested in something you already like I think no matter what you will find some enjoyment.

 

[hiraeth]

I think a huge part of the problem comes from, partnered people talk about their partners a lot, often just naturally as a part of sharing what's going on in their life, but single people don't exactly make their singleness obvious during casual conversations. Partly because it doesn't naturally flow out, but also there is stigma associated with being single, especially the older we get. So this gives off the impression that there are much fewer single people than there actually is.

I've met a good number of people who have never been in a relationship and may not even be interested. People who are comfortable with lifelong bachelorhood. For a long time that was a big deal to me; needing to see examples of people who have led comfortable and content lives alone. I don't think it's my focus anymore. At this point, an intimate partner is just a subset of "close committed relationships" and what I need are examples of people who don't have any close committed relationships - family, best friends, partners, etc - and still managed to live some kind of decent life.

 

[BlueConundrum]

I'm 40 years old (has PDD), and never had a boyfriend. I wish in a way to have a boyfriend, and know what it's like to be in a relationship. I am told because I stay home a lot and stay out more. It is not easy, and many guys aren't really interested me. They either say I'm too nice, not understand me, have a girlfriend, or aren't interested.

I'm almost 37 and I've never dated. It doesn't bother me, really. I have hardly met any happy couples in my life and people seem to date just because they think they should. I actually joined a dating site for about three weeks once just because I felt like it was a thing I should try. Ugh, the horror. Never again.

I guarantee that if I do ever date, it won't be before I'm 40, so no you're not the only one. Frankly, I am at the point now where I would like to find more permanently single friends because every time I make a friend and they date someone, our entire friendship eventually ends up revolving around me being forced to listen to their excruciatingly boring relationship problems that I don't understand. Relationships aren't mandatory, I'm living proof of that. So, why do they put up with nonsense and act like they're so grown-up and profound for doing so? People confuse me.

 

[hiraeth]

Frankly, I am at the point now where I would like to find more permanently single friends because every time I make a friend and they date someone, our entire friendship eventually ends up revolving around me being forced to listen to their excruciatingly boring relationship problems that I don't understand.

Yesssssssss. So much this.

Also there is a well-observed phenomenon of people forgetting about their friends once they get into relationships, and then remembering them again when they break up, etc... I don't know how I feel about being treated that way.

 

[Neramo]

I'm 40 years old (has PDD), and never had a boyfriend. I wish in a way to have a boyfriend, and know what it's like to be in a relationship. I am told because I stay home a lot and stay out more. It is not easy, and many guys aren't really interested me. They either say I'm too nice, not understand me, have a girlfriend, or aren't interested.

Not boyfriends, but i have had 3 girlfriends! But those weren't any of the girls i've been in love with. I'm 44, so you still can catch up with me. Hard to give any good advice though, since my record aint that good.

 

[TheITAspie]

I'm 14 and have never had a girlfriend and I have a feeling that is going to continue on for a while most likely.(I kind of wish I had a GF so I knew what it is like, but it could just not be all it's cracked up to be)

 

[Geoo98]

I'm 17 and never had a proper boyfriend. My family are all long term relationship type people and ask me about it quite a bit which sucks bc it makes me feel lonely.
I was seeing someone for like three months but they suddenly stopped talking to me almost two weeks ago with no warning. He blocked me on fb and everything ://