LuxLuca
Kermit the Frog
Hello there!
Last week my therapist gave some suprisingly simple but effective task that I thought I'd share.
For context, I have a huge issue with saying "no" to people that need my help. I'm studying psychology and have worked in the field as a mental healthcare professional for some time now and am, despite the stereotype, very good at deciphering and understanding the emotions and thought process of others.
As much as this is something I am proud of it has the downside of spotting people in need quite easily. I've developed something I've labelled a 'Hero complex', I cannot leave someone that 'feels' like they need help alone. (At my own expense and often that of my direct environment.)
I've noticed that not being able to say 'no' is a common trait under us on the spectrum, we often forget ourselves and feel like the (potential) negative response of saying no weights greater than the consequence on us personally.
I've been trying for years to put down more boundaries but I simply cannot estimate where they start or end. It's much like not knowing how long a hug is supposed to last, so you get uncomfortable but don't want to insult anyone.. so you, albeit awkwardly, keep holding on for the sake of the other (or the situation).
To combat the accumulation of stress, my therapist gave me the task to just set a time in advance. I can say yes, but only for a predetermined time. If my friend is feeling bad and wants to talk I will help them, look at the clock and factor in how much time I'd could/be willing to spend on this (Anywhere between 30min to 2 hours) and communicate this ("I have to leave in xyz minutes, but I can talk"). After the time is up I have to wrap up and take a step back.
This felt very uncomfortable at first, but it's having a good impact on my social battery! It also helps with managing other people's expectations of me, they know when to expect me to leave. I think it requires a bit of tuning per individual but I'd figure that maybe it could be of help to someone else!
Let me know your thoughts and maybe experiences!
Last week my therapist gave some suprisingly simple but effective task that I thought I'd share.
For context, I have a huge issue with saying "no" to people that need my help. I'm studying psychology and have worked in the field as a mental healthcare professional for some time now and am, despite the stereotype, very good at deciphering and understanding the emotions and thought process of others.
As much as this is something I am proud of it has the downside of spotting people in need quite easily. I've developed something I've labelled a 'Hero complex', I cannot leave someone that 'feels' like they need help alone. (At my own expense and often that of my direct environment.)
I've noticed that not being able to say 'no' is a common trait under us on the spectrum, we often forget ourselves and feel like the (potential) negative response of saying no weights greater than the consequence on us personally.
I've been trying for years to put down more boundaries but I simply cannot estimate where they start or end. It's much like not knowing how long a hug is supposed to last, so you get uncomfortable but don't want to insult anyone.. so you, albeit awkwardly, keep holding on for the sake of the other (or the situation).
To combat the accumulation of stress, my therapist gave me the task to just set a time in advance. I can say yes, but only for a predetermined time. If my friend is feeling bad and wants to talk I will help them, look at the clock and factor in how much time I'd could/be willing to spend on this (Anywhere between 30min to 2 hours) and communicate this ("I have to leave in xyz minutes, but I can talk"). After the time is up I have to wrap up and take a step back.
This felt very uncomfortable at first, but it's having a good impact on my social battery! It also helps with managing other people's expectations of me, they know when to expect me to leave. I think it requires a bit of tuning per individual but I'd figure that maybe it could be of help to someone else!
Let me know your thoughts and maybe experiences!
