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furkandorum

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Being around other people scare me, tire me, make me feel really overwhelmed.
I don't like them, i can't feel like myself when i'm not alone. But i feel like i do need close relationships. And the other contradiction is that i do have one or two close friend but i don't want to talk them about my feelings or whatsoever, i just want to have fun with them.
-You guys have this feeling as well?
-You think this is normal for a person with low social skills?
 
I don't want to talk about my feelings, either. If someone asks me, "how are you feeling?" I don't know what to say or how to answer, because I often feel nothing in particular, just neutral.
 
I don't want to talk about my feelings, either. If someone asks me, "how are you feeling?" I don't know what to say or how to answer, because I often feel nothing in particular, just neutral.
I usually try to say im fine and avoid the whole thing but sometimes i just can't hold myself and i say something like "i feel terrible". in that very moment, awkwardness begins and i want to punch myself in the face for i said that.
 
Being around other people scare me, tire me, make me feel really overwhelmed.
I don't like them, i can't feel like myself when i'm not alone. But i feel like i do need close relationships. And the other contradiction is that i do have one or two close friend but i don't want to talk them about my feelings or whatsoever, i just want to have fun with them.
-You guys have this feeling as well?
-You think this is normal for a person with low social skills?
Yes, and yes.

You don't have to be autistic either, in thinking this way. I hear this all the time at work. "I love people, just in small doses."

My wife and I work in healthcare. Just dealing with people all-the-time does get mentally exhausting. My wife and I can have important conversations around the kids, money, work, the house, etc. On the other hand, we don't need to be talking all the time. We love spending time with each other, we are almost inseparable, but we don't need to be "flapping our lips" all the time. We both appreciate "quiet".

Your comments around social anxiety is a common autistic trait, and yes, this, in and of itself is mentally exhausting. If you have what is sometimes referred to as "mind blindness", a common autistic trait, then you often see people through the lens of their actions and statements, often without the perspective of why they were behaving a certain way. It leaves you somewhat socially naive, and anxious because you have a difficult time predicting intent and behaviors of others. Your fear centers are on high alert all the time, it's stressful, so our natural reaction to the stress is to engage in "avoidance" behaviors. This is a bit of a double-edged sword though. The more you socially avoid, the less social wisdom you accumulate over time.

"Mind blindness" is often pervasive. I have known my wife for 38 years. I have zero idea of what she is thinking. As I am writing this, it is a bit unsettling that I will never, ever, "know" my wife. All I have is my previous experience with her to sort of guide my interactions with her. Having said that, we have "proven ourselves" to each other. There is implicit trust. We don't engage in "fear-based controlling behaviors". We are both content with our relationship at this point.

Often times we have to figure out ways to "adapt and overcome". If you know you suffer from this "mind blindness", and have a difficult time "reading" people, then you have to force yourself to pause, ask clarifying questions, gather your information, then respond. This is a skill that does not come naturally, but by doing so, you can engage people in meaningful conversations that often form the foundations of friendships.
 
I usually try to say im fine and avoid the whole thing but sometimes i just can't hold myself and i say something like "i feel terrible". in that very moment, awkwardness begins and i want to punch myself in the face for i said that.
There's nothing wrong with saying, "I feel terrible." The problem is that when you do, people will invariably want to know why you feel terrible, and that's the awkward bit. I might not feel like telling someone my personal reasons for feeling terrible. So I have a choice, either the white lie or having a person want to know my personal stuff because I'm honest and tell them I feel terrible. Most people choose the white lie - it's much less effort.
 
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I would suggest you find a therapist to talk about your close feelings, and then maybe some hangout friends through www.meetup.com where you will have the same interest as others in the group you join.
 
There's nothing wrong with saying, "I feel terrible." The problem is that when you do, people will invariably want to know why you feel terrible, and that's the awkward bit. I might not feel like telling someone my personal reasons for feeling terrible. So I have a choice, either the white lie or having a person want to know my personal stuff because I tell them I feel terrible. Most people choose the white lie - it's much less effort.
Once, i just couldn't hold myself back. A classmate asked how do i and i said that i feel terrible. When she sat beside me and asked why, i was like completely numb. I started to tell all the negative things going trough my mind, all the social challenges i experience and all that kinda stuff... Few minutes later i realized what was i doing and i felt so dumb and so shy, thankfully she was an really understanding person and she kindly asked she could leave me alone if that would make me feel better. She left the class with an weird look in her eyes. It was an horrible day.
Long story short, telling that i'm doing fine and avoid them is the best choice for me i guess.
 
I can't speak to whether or not it's "normal," but it is my lived experience as well.
I don't have any good advice but I absolutely sympathize and empathize with you because it's the same for me.
 
Yes to both questions.
The dreaded "How are you today?" question.
I never want to reply. Sometimes I just smile and nod.
Other times I will say, "Hanging in there."
I observe others answering that greeting and they always say they are doing good
or great.
Then they return the question with, and how are you?
I just can't bring myself to parrot that expected greeting.

Once when being greeted by the nurse at a doctor's office, I actually replied,
"Not good or I wouldn't be here."

It's just one of those socially expected "norms."
And I don't play the game.
 

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