A tribute to crushes and infatuations

[Suzette]

I admit it. I am easy. No, wait! I mean, I develop crushes easily. Why is that?

My first crush was Tony in Kindegarten. He was the kind of tot that comanded attention. What drives the heart of a 5 year old? I no longer know but Tony, Scott and Theo all spent time in my heart before 1st grade.

By 3rd grade there was another Scott, Mike and Chris. By 4th grade we had settled in a very small town and I was in a state of unrequited infatuation for nearly every boy in class, and quite a few teachers, until I left school.

I still develop crushes. Give me a kind word and I will melt at your feet like an abused puppy and start imagining buttering your toast every morning.

I had one infatuation that lasted for a couple of decades. I imagined that he was my "soul mate" because I had built his image into unflawed perfection in my mind. A God. We had dated very briefly and life took him other places. So in my mind he became my tragic, unrequited and lost love. Years later I found out what he was really like and he lost his "God" status. Still, as flawed as that infatuation was, the fantasy of it got me through dome very lonely times.

There have been many crushes over the years but I was never one for celebrity crushes. I always found celebrity crushes kind of icky. Like everyone drinking from a communal cup that is never washed. I simply can't fancy everyones fancy. It is unhygenic!

I think I yearn for deeper connection to others. Our bodies and judgments create barriers that I feel keenly. I am always wanting someone to really see ME and I am always imagining I can see another too.

 

[blue_bird]

"Still, as flawed as that infatuation was, the fantasy of it got me through dome very lonely times."

I think you hit the nail on the head there. For me it's the same. I am drawn towards someone who appears as a solution to my loneliness. My last and current crush was developed during a very troubled period in my life when I just wanted to feel less lonely. I question now if my feelings for her would even have arisen if I had met her when in a better frame of mine.
I'm not really sure these days if I "love" out of just loneliness, or if I "love" out of attraction.

 

[1ForAll]

In my case, when I was younger and alone for twenty years, I had a crush. One was towards a young lady in a Health class at the community college I was attending then. She sat next to me and was really nice. She wanted to be my partner for a group project we were doing. She had a lisp and seemed nervous talking, but I found that attractive as it showed realness and vulnerability. I visualized being friends with her, but was too shy then to initiate much friendliness other than to be nice to her and do the project with her in return.

During one class, when our desks were no longer arranged together in groups but instead arranged in rows and columns, she struck up a conversation with a female on the other side of me, telling that other--which was awkward as I was in the middle--"...I wish I had a boyfriend." This made me even more nervous and hesitant, as I was thinking of wanting a girlfriend too, and as she was the first girl I really liked, as it was her sweet, non-judging and modest personality like that, that really attracted me.

I visualized of meeting her on occasion for twenty years after that, after I found ways to grow more confident, positive, and to worry less. I daydreamed I would meet her again in a store locally somewhere, and then I would finally be able to show my friendly side to her more, and to initiate my like for her more as person and for her kindness shown to me during that class. I realize persons can change as they grow older, but I sensed she would always be that nice and caring type, just as I always tried to stay the same.

 

[Aspychata]

Sadly l am unable to experience crushes. Don't seem to have that connection. Even in high school, zero attraction. Now l feel inadequate.

Edit: l go all the way with one or two in my lifetime. It's all or nothing.

 

[Suzette]

Sadly l am unable to experience crushes. Don't seem to have that connection. Even in high school, zero attraction. Now l feel inadequate.

For me a crush seldom presents as "attraction". In fact, only my crush with "the God" started with awareness of his physical attributes. But I was 17 and horny when we met, so noticing that he was phyically attractive makes sense. My biology was looking for a dna donor and, even if I don't know how to get it, I certainly want the best!

I think a crush is practicing the thought that the other person is special in someway. It is a practiced thought, a thought you have memorized. Really, a crush isn't too dissimilar to Pavlov's dog. Basically, you have a thought about someone and that thought feels good. So you keep having the thought to feel good and after a while, your monkey mind will believe that you feel good because of that person.
And that is how a crush is born. Try it! Remember, it is a practiced thought, so don't expect a crush to develop immediately. You have nuture that thought and feel good doing it over and over.

 

[Suzette]

For me it`s more like an instant crush. It usually happens fast. I think my personal record is 10 seconds, I opened a door, she was on the other side of the door, she smiled and said hi and boom! Crush.

LOL
Some of us are really practiced at the process. For us, those 10 seconds, or 5, or 3, we have noticed the feel good and repeated it 1,000 times before we even know their eye color. We are the lovers!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Give me a kind word and I will melt at your feet like an abused puppy and start imagining buttering your toast every morning.

This was a big problem for me. Isolated, lonely, and profoundly inexperienced with women, somebody merely being kind would inflame my imagination because to me, being unable to understand social signals of interest, my mind read more into common politeness than it being a simple transaction.

 

[Shamar]

I admit it. I am easy. No, wait! I mean, I develop crushes easily. Why is that?

My first crush was Tony in Kindegarten. He was the kind of tot that comanded attention. What drives the heart of a 5 year old? I no longer know but Tony, Scott and Theo all spent time in my heart before 1st grade.

By 3rd grade there was another Scott, Mike and Chris. By 4th grade we had settled in a very small town and I was in a state of unrequited infatuation for nearly every boy in class, and quite a few teachers, until I left school.

I still develop crushes. Give me a kind word and I will melt at your feet like an abused puppy and start imagining buttering your toast every morning.

I had one infatuation that lasted for a couple of decades. I imagined that he was my "soul mate" because I had built his image into unflawed perfection in my mind. A God. We had dated very briefly and life took him other places. So in my mind he became my tragic, unrequited and lost love. Years later I found out what he was really like and he lost his "God" status. Still, as flawed as that infatuation was, the fantasy of it got me through dome very lonely times.

There have been many crushes over the years but I was never one for celebrity crushes. I always found celebrity crushes kind of icky. Like everyone drinking from a communal cup that is never washed. I simply can't fancy everyones fancy. It is unhygenic!

I think I yearn for deeper connection to others. Our bodies and judgments create barriers that I feel keenly. I am always wanting someone to really see ME and I am always imagining I can see another too.

Crushes and infatuations were 100% of my social life and sex life (and unable to do anything about it) until after I graduated college.

 

[Magna]

My first crush was a girl in my second grade class. She had dark brown eyes and long brown shiny hair. She kept her hair in pigtails held together that way with these elastic bands that had hard plastic balls on them of different colors which were popular at the time (1970s). I was captivated by her eyes, hair and her mystery because she was generally pretty quiet. My mission was to discreetly get close enough to her during recess games to touch and smell her hair. I succeeded during a game of tag and no one was the wiser.

 

[Aspychata]

For me a crush seldom presents as "attraction". In fact, only my crush with "the God" started with awareness of his physical attributes. But I was 17 and horny when we met, so noticing that he was phyically attractive makes sense. My biology was looking for a dna donor and, even if I don't know how to get it, I certainly want the best!

I think a crush is practicing the thought that the other person is special in someway. It is a practiced thought, a thought you have memorized. Really, a crush isn't too dissimilar to Pavlov's dog. Basically, you have a thought about someone and that thought feels good. So you keep having the thought to feel good and after a while, your monkey mind will believe that you feel good because of that person.
And that is how a crush is born. Try it! Remember, it is a practiced thought, so don't expect a crush to develop immediately. You have nuture that thought and feel good doing it over and over.

I crush on special interests. That's probably why l am here at this forum. Cooking is a crush for me. Different types of exercise is a crush. Not really into crushes involving people. Lol

 

[Thinx]

Yes I was always prone to crushes, sometimes these had aspects of being attracted to the person in a romantic or sexual way, but mainly I have a fondness for morally ethical people, and sometimes have met people especially at work who fit that description.

So I hero worship them a bit, and am honoured if they seem friendly towards me. I try to offer them support and like to have deep conversations with them. I don't find this happens so often now, probably because I mix with less people plus work less.

I did have crushes on people at school too, in a very similar way.

 

[Callistemon]

I love how you wrote that first post, @Suzette - made me smile!

I wonder, did you have a warm happy place to grow up, or wasn't it like that? I found my happy places in the alternative universes of books, when I was growing up - you know, novels about kids with parents who were genuinely interested in them and their happiness. Also in the classrooms of nice teachers, at my grandmother's (but she lived far away and later we emigrated halfway around the world so I could then only write letters with her), at other kids' homes, talking to old people on buses, sitting with an old neighbour who painted and drew and made sculptures, with animals, with nature etc.

I did have some crushes, like a boy in my primary school when we were about 8. His name was Bernard and he was just a nice kid, and became my friend. He loved singing and elephants, and his grandmother made him handcrafted toy elephants - I still have one she gave me. His room was covered in elephant photos and he was good to talk to. Also good-looking, and I had never had a male friend before, so I imagined that maybe I could marry him when we grew up!

Alas, we went to different high schools and I never saw him again because we left the country! But no regrets, my husband is uber cool (apart from the meltdowns, but we're working on it).

PS: Totally agree re celebrity crushes. Unhygienic indeed!

 

[Suzette]

@Callistemon, no, I didn't have a warm, fuzzy home life.
I am glad I made someone smile today.
Stay tuned...my next thread will probably be about stalkers!

 

[Luca]

I don't think I have ever experienced a truly "sexual" or "aesthetic" crush- maybe one or two were aesthetic, but it was usually because a guy was nice to me or paid attention to me. That was enough, apparently

None of my crushes were ever reciprocated And some of them even made fun of me. I remember in middle school, there was a boy in my math class that I thought was really nice, and I asked him out. He said no obviously, and I burst into tears.

I've had somewhat of a "crush" on my irl best friend for almost 10 years now, but he has a wife who I'm also friends with I don't want to be a homewrecker...

 

[FlowerFlo]

I have a hard time devolping crushes and only had one so far, which accutally devoloped pretty recently . Sadly this crush is about one of the few real life friends i have and she is in a relationship wiht someone who fits way better to her than i ever will. There boht very outgoing, have a simliar dressing style, they hang out a lot more even before they got togehter and boht have a easy time making and keeping friends. But i am just happy that i atleast can be friends wiht her

 

[Owliet]

His name was Andrew, and I thought he was awesome. In kindergarten, He gave me a crayon and I was smitten. He liked sharks and knew that I was scared of them, so showed me his book of sharks on a picture that showed a wide mouthed, full teeth great white opening up to kill. Yet I was smitten. Then, he broke my bone display, On purpose but I was still smitten. I gave him a valentines card in his tray. He never said anything about it and broke my heart when he said he liked another girl instead. I was 6.

His name was Alex, and all he said to me was happy to have me at the school and I thought he was amazing. I was 10.

And then, there was Damian who said nice things to me, got off the tram and tried to race it for me and tried to show off his tennis skills because he knew that I played tennis, and my mom was his coach. And then, I ruined the friendship by saying that I liked him on the court and he said “ok”. Then, my friend at the time liked him too, he apparently wrote her a letter *although never did see it and she would be the type to show it to all of us. He broke my silly 13 year old heart.

Throughout my teens, I seemed to develop crushes on people who were nice to me, or at least at first showed some degree of kindness. The only exception was in high school Where I seemed to have crushed physically rather that morality. I don’t know his name, and never spoke to him but my god he was so pretty with his blond hair. It was nice when he smiled at me that one time. Although I did look to see if he smiled at someone else, fortunately it wasn’t anyone else. I think he went to India. I hope that he’s doing well.

I don’t really tend to develop crushes now. I’m just not in that mindset to,look at another and latch on. I miss how naive I was in my youth.

 

[Suzette]

I don't think I have ever experienced a truly "sexual" or "aesthetic" crush- maybe one or two were aesthetic, but it was usually because a guy was nice to me or paid attention to me. That was enough, apparently

None of my crushes were ever reciprocated And some of them even made fun of me. I remember in middle school, there was a boy in my math class that I thought was really nice, and I asked him out. He said no obviously, and I burst into tears.

I've had somewhat of a "crush" on my irl best friend for almost 10 years now, but he has a wife who I'm also friends with I don't want to be a homewrecker...

Middle school crushes are tortuous things! Appearantly I show my every thought on my face and I got bullied by some of my crushes. One boy set me up so that he could publicly humiliate me. He had his friend slip me a note to meet him by my locker. When I got there this toad had gathered his friends and made a big show of mocking me for my crush. Nasty little toad.

 

[Owliet]

Middle school crushes are tortuous things! Appearantly I show my every thought on my face and I got bullied by some of my crushes. One boy set me up so that he could publicly humiliate me. He had his friend slip me a note to meet him by my locker. When I got there this toad had gathered his friends and made a big show of mocking me for my crush. Nasty little toad.

What a jerk! I’m sorry that you had this experience.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Middle school crushes are tortuous things! Appearantly I show my every thought on my face and I got bullied by some of my crushes. One boy set me up so that he could publicly humiliate me. He had his friend slip me a note to meet him by my locker. When I got there this toad had gathered his friends and made a big show of mocking me for my crush. Nasty little toad.

That is so cruel. At school when guys would talk about who they like I mentioned a girl who was friendly, smart, and I thought was cute and they started to tear into her. I left in tears. Then later I thought that it was obvious that I was in no relationship or had any prospects of one and guys would brag to me about their sexual exploits. I learned to hide my feelings and suppress my infatuations as being unrealistic. I don't understand why NTs are so needlessly cruel?

 

[Suzette]

What a jerk! I’m sorry that you had this experience.

That's ok! He was just helping me to end my crush. An unwitting mercy. I vowed to have better tastes!​