Thank you for the welcome.
Well, to share some of my experiences that led me here that I had shared with therapist are as follows:
Those are a few examples I can think of off the top of my head, though I'm sure there are more. Fwiw.
First of all, a friendly welcome. We have so-called "neurotypical" family members of autistics on this forum, so don't feel like you are somehow a "tourist". For the most part, we are all here to help and support each other in our own way,...and it is nice to have our neurotypical members on here to give their perspectives.
So, for the sake of organizing my thoughts here, I will take a crack at commenting at some of your bulleted experiences.
1. Re: "Reading People". One of the common findings that psychologists will pick up on with regards to identifying an autistic individual is the apparent "lacking in cognitive empathy". So, this is "perspective taking", reading microexpressions, body language, voice intonation, etc., and also identifying one's own emotional state at any given time,...not emotional empathy (responding to someone else's emotional happiness, sadness, anger,...or crying during an emotional piece of music or movie scene). Cognitive and emotional empathies come from distinctly different areas of the brain. Emotional empathy is more of a primitive response, involves "mirror neurons", and is often part of survival instincts. Most, if not all, animal species that are social have this. Cognitive empathy is a highly complex and coordinated set of responses from different areas of the brain. Examples of cognitive empathy, in my case,...(1) I can sit behind the computer screen and type away, describing anger, frustration, happiness, etc....but if you asked me right now how I was feeling, I couldn't tell you. Intellectually, I know that emotional states are generally not isolated, but mixed,...so if you asked me to describe one feeling, I would struggle. I would have to step back and think about it for a long while then get back to you. (2) I have been married for 35 years,...and as a married guy, I know when I am NOT going to be intimate with my wife,...I know when she is angry with me (emotional empathy). However, I NEVER know when I am going to be intimate with my wife,...as I simply do not read the signals, hints, subtle clues and flirtation (cognitive empathy),...she literally has to say something like, "If you're good, we can have "playtime" tonight". Otherwise,...clueless. I know my wife in the sense that I have had many years of experience living with her,...but I never know what she is thinking at any given time. (3) If you have had anyone say something like, "How would you feel if I did that to you?",...and you literally would have no idea. Worse,..."How do you think that makes me feel?",...zero idea. These are questions I would probably look you like you were having an intellectual conversation with your dog. With all of that, comes a whole Pandora's box of neurotypical, "land mine", emotional responses that we are not prepared, at all, to deal with. It affects our personal and professional lives significantly. We often receive an unflattering, sometimes derogatory "moral diagnosis" from others.
2. With regards to your professional career. Interestingly, enough, there are employers (mostly technical occupations) that actually seek out autistics for the traits that you describe. For many neurotypicals, whether it be school or employment, they tend to look at things primarily from a social perspective, it's a place to interact with others. For many autistics, we generally have difficulty with socialization, so we naturally put our mental energy towards the task put in front of us. As an employer or instructor, you're probably going to find high performers in the autistics,...provided that whatever you are doing does not rely upon a high social dynamic (group projects, customer service, marketing, sales, etc. where one has to be excellent at reading and responding to individuals).
3. Safety and communication is critical in the work place. Aviation certainly is one,...I am in medicine,...we are on the same page with this.
4. Being frustrated with others,...Wow!,...Yes! I have come so close to throwing up my hands and walking away from my job. People that are decision makers can individually, or as a group, cannot see what I am seeing. It can, in some cases, take months for them to eventually acknowledge and respond to things that I can see within seconds,...and no amount of beating them over the head seems to work. The issue is, these things involve the well-being and lives of infants,...so yes,...I can get very frustrated and angry.
5. Friends. I can say I have friendly acquaintances. I seem to get along fine with people, but it goes no further. From a physiologic perspective one can look at the role of the posterior pituitary and the release of the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin,...in my case, the lack thereof,...a common finding with autistics. These are the so-called "love hormones" that are responsible for that euphoric feeling at the beginning of a relationship, but are also responsible for seeking out social interactions. People like myself generally do not seek out social interactions,...it may not be actual avoidance, per se,...but definitely not putting ourselves "out there". I have an "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" social guidance,...I do not think of anyone,...not my wife, not my kids, nobody,...unless they are in field of view. I do not "miss" people. Friendship requires a lot of mental energy and commitment that I simply am not set up for. I am getting to the age where one's mortality becomes a reality,..."What would happen if my wife suddenly died?" I would go through the grieving process, but I would be totally OK emotionally,...I think. I would probably have more trouble dealing with paying the bills on time and organizing my life, as my wife does a lot.
6. ADHD, OCD, depression, anxiety, and all the other "D's",...one will find there is a fair amount of cross-over with the autistic population,...imagine a Venn diagram. Autism is a congenital condition. Autism begins at the earliest part of brain development within the womb, as evidence of microscopic anatomical studies and functional MRI studies. The autistic brain is characterized by areas of abnormal neuron migration and layering, areas of abnormal neuron structure, areas of hyper and hypo conduction (high and low voltage), areas of hyper and hypo connectivity (thick and thin wiring), there is abnormal neuronal "pruning" in early childhood (this is when parents often recognize something is wrong). It is also why medications used to stimulate or inhibit certain neurotransmitters (dopamine, serotonin, acetylcholine, etc.) can have significant side effects,...fix one symptom,...cause 4 other problems. The causes of autism are multi-factoral, sometimes primarily genetic, sometimes due to the maternal hormonal milieu, sometimes a mix. There are over 100 genetic markers for autism on the human genome. There are several variants of autism. If you've met one person with autism,...you've met one person with autism,...as the range of neurodiversity within the autistic community far exceeds the neurodiversity within the so-called neurotypical community.
7. In 2021, the primary way to diagnose autism is though psychology,...behavior clues,...symptoms. In the not-so-distant future, it will be though functional MRI studies,...looking at the functional anatomy. There are autism centers in many communities, but as an adult, it is best to specifically seek out those that deal with adults. Autistic adults can be very good at "masking" their autism,...even if they don't know they have autism, because they know how to "observe and imitate". It takes a keen psychologist to sort it out through asking the correct questions, as well as, appropriate cognitive performance testing. If you are lucky enough to be near a university medical center that has an autism research center,...then you will have a better chance of getting those imaging studies.
As you can see from this post,...my autism allows me to monologue endlessly,...and I am quite happy to continue.
