.

[dougcl79]

.

 

[OkRad]

Personally, I would never let anyone make me feel that I am all messed up. If I had to CONSCIOUSLY monitor every move, I would be gone. Relationships are work, yes, but not who you are.

I would find someone who loved me as I am. Now, I am alone because I am odd, but I would rather be myself than feel forced and faked.

 

[dougcl79]

I am pretty sure that she loves me for me, but her issues are that I am too emotionally needy and that I lack basic living skills, functioning, and self care and she feels like she has to show me many things that I should know being a 38 year old. She has mental health issues to I should add, but we have vastly different backgrounds with regards to how we lived...I am just trying to see if this is in any relation to autism spectrum and how that might effect basic living skills and emotional neediness

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Welcome, @dougcl79! I hope you find answers and support on this forum. Lots of friendly folks here.

 

[Keigan]

i’ll Keep my original thoughts to myself...

Though consider this; neediness is not exactly an Aspie trait. If anything, Aspie traits are just the opposite:
- needing time alone
- challenges with empathy, as in little or none
- speaking literally, honestly when others might not say these things
- frequently not giving a darn about what others think, or feel

On the other hand, Aspie do have an incredible value and loyalty towards relationships - as we know just how hard it is to keep a relationship/friendship going. Even then neediness does not really enter the picture for an Aspie.

I see neediness in an individual who’s emotional needs are mixed or not being met. By mixed I would define as seeking emotional connection from a person in the now based upon a need that was not fulfilled in childhood.

You might be Aspie, or those around you might have the wrong definition and understanding of what Asperger traits really are.

Use any of the popular search engines for “Asperger traits” and start reading.

 

[Streetwise]

Welcome

Welcome @dougcl79

One of the things I noticed about my Aspie spouse, when I first met him was that he had some skills, but not others. He would for example eat out much of the time, mainly junk food, he didn't know how to cook at all, or use a washing machine, or clean his own apartment. He thought that being tidy was all that was needed. One day I was in his kitchen, and I dropped some water on the floor, and wiped it up with a cloth, only to discover that the dark brown floor, was actually yellow underneath. He had never thought to wash it, so I showed him what to do and the floor became yellow.

Think it was all as a result of his mother not teaching him any of these skills. He didn't learn them growing up, which would have given him more independence as an adult. I've taught him those things, since we've been together. And when he knows how to do something, with some familiarity he does it. It's probably more the result of his not considering it as important as other things that he focuses on. His priorities were and are different to mine.

As for 'emotional neediness' he was back then, not all that needy. I was probably more so than he was. I'm also an Aspie, who was in many ways as a child, neglected. It was likely as a result of that emotional neglect that I looked for more attention and affection. My then boyfriend, who became my husband eventually didn't seem to mind.

So, to me it seems that you are already being judged for who you are, and that somehow doesn't seem fair. That you should have told your new girlfriend who you are, when you are not even certain of it yourself. That's the kind of thing that people learn when they are in a relationship, over time. Would have issues with someone deciding or diagnosing me.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

she has to show me many things that I should know being a 38 year old.

Do you she show you the same things over and over again?
Of are you agreeing with these things and then doing them?

If the latter she has the problem imo.
Part of love is working out the compromise without shaming, making people feel bad about themselves.

'Should' is a very negative word in this context. Have you borrowed it from your gfriend when she brings these things up?
Do you use it for yourself?

If the latter- stop. You know what you know, and you learn from now.
You shouldn't feel bad,nor be made to, as a result.