10 Year Old Aspie Son is Freaked out by Makeup

[Crossbreed]

Some people are very frighten of clowns too- maybe it's the same idea.

Cosmetophobia...?

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I heard an interview once with a man who had a fear reaction to people wearing makeup, I can't remember who but I think the interview was about quantum physics. Anyway, if I'm remembering correctly he mentioned this fear in a tangent and said that he thought it sparked some sort of "uncanny valley" instinct, like how people are instinctively unnerved by near human but not quite right faces, such as lifelike robots or clowns. It's something everyone experiences to a certain extent but in him it was far too sensitive, making even subtle makeup seem as disturbing as a clown face. Therapy had helped him to live with it but it was still difficult for him.

Anyway I think there are two issues with your son, the first being the phobia, and the second being rudeness. There are therapy techniques which can be extremely successful in curing phobias.

 

[Streetwise]

The psychological definition of a phobia is someone is frightened and whatever was closest to them is associated with it I am sometimes doubtful of this because a large percentage of my family members had hay fever I had hayfever and it was inferred that that happened because I’ve been kicked by a horse became phobic and it manifested in my body as Hayfever obviously we weren’t standing in the flat at the time we were in a field

 

[Judge]

Unfortunately in such circumstances perhaps all you can do is to tell the boy, "Sometimes you're the bug and sometimes you're the windshield". - Life's realities for better- and worse.

That there's a great deal of things common or not that one may not like or even be able to tolerate. However neither does it mean they will be eradicated from your life accordingly. That sometimes you just have to take it, whether it involves suffering or not.

That said, imagine going through life being morbidly allergic to cigarette smoke in the 60s, 70s and 80s. When my only options were fight or flight. When more often than not I could do neither.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Wow, your son is awesome. Bullied his teacher into not wearing make-up. I think that is Autistic achievement of the year.

He might grow out of it when he turns like 14-16, or it might stay forever. Most women prefer to look like crazy clowns, and he can't just go and insult every single one of them that he will have to interact with on a daily basis, that is a recipe for disaster. Explain this to him as well, that he is going to have to get used to it. Start wearing make-up (Really lay it on thick) and if he starts whining try to make a deal with him that you will stop wearing make-up if he can behave himself in front of others (including other family) and see how that goes. If he can behave himself all of a sudden then it's not a phobia and you can teach him to keep his comments to his GFs in his adult life and not start insulting co-workers, bosses and clients. Do not give in. Mothers getting tired of disciplining is how creeps are made.

 

[Fact Ten]

I'm not a fan of people wearing heavy makeup as it means that's not what they look like. I don't particularly mind when people wear makeup but I feel a bit uneasy if someone I know who doesn't usually wear (a lot of) makeup suddenly has a lot on one day. It's almost like it's a different person even though I am able to convince myself that it's the same person.

I think people look better without makeup though. I've never thought too much into why but that's been my general position even from when I was a kid.

PS: I pissed off an entire class in community college by saying that the application of makeup is a public display of artform and all public displays of artform should be open to critique, whether positive or negative.

 

[Adora]

I’m on the spectrum and wear makeup but I never judge others who may or may not wear it. It’s up to the individual and I don’t judge people regardless of how they look.

 

[Kirsty]

I wish more people would realize how scary their makeup looks. At Halloween a lot of people wear makeup that looks freaky, which is fine because they're supposed to look freaky. But the rest of the year the makeup they think makes them look beautiful makes them look more like sick clowns.

This is what I think about girls wearing fake tan out of a bottle and with uneven patches on their hands.

 

[BraidedPony]

For me when I see heavy makeup I wonder what is hiding underneath.
Would it be possible to talk to him in a calm conversational way about a blemish you have that you don't like. ( it could just be a little freckle and not anything truly ugly). Then apply a tiny dot of foundation or concealer on just that one spot and ask his opinion if it has hidden the blemish.
This way you haven't hidden your face and he can see that the application is just to enhance, not hide.

 

[SDRSpark]

I have to wonder, is he face blind? I think it's not uncommon with autistics - it could be that, when you put on makeup he suddenly can't recognize you.

I struggle with recognizing people all the time - it's not severe and I can in fact recognize people, but I usually remember a notable thing about a person because, despite having far better than average visualization skills, I have a hard time remembering who's who. I have a pair of coworkers that look similar enough to confuse me, that always hang out together, and that radically change their hair every couple of days (extensions, wigs, natural, straightened, curled, you name it) and even SWAP HAIRSTYLES occasionally. They're about the same height, have similar accents and dress similarly. It drives me nuts! I've known them for years and only have about a 75% chance of figuring out which one is which in a timely fashion so that I can greet them appropriately.

It could be that your son has difficulty recognizing people when their appearance changes day to day and it causes him anxiety.

 

[onlything]

Makeup makes people look like dolls, fake. It looked freaky to me too when I was a kid, as if people lost something of themselves whenever they wore it. There is a dystopian YouTube series where people wear smiling white masks. It's just as eerie and creepy as makeup used to look to me. I'm used to it now, still don't like it on myself and 'my' people.

To each their own though.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Well, then don't wear makeup. There's no law that says you have to. And you'll show your children that you have good self image, and to love themselves as they were made.

 

[Ylva]

Maybe he has mirror-touch synaesthesia, so when he sees you wearing make-up he feels like he's wearing it.

Might be a long shot, since you said his focus is on how it looks.