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10 Year Old Aspie Son is Freaked out by Makeup

S

Sarahmom

Active Member
Not sure where else to post this correct me if I'm wrong. My son is ten years old and in fourth grade. He has high functioning aspergers and tends to get upset easily at seemingly random things. One thing that makes him particularly unnerved is people wearing makeup. I used to wear a full face every day until he was about five, then he started to get agitated whenever I had makeup on and would get mad whenever I did my makeup in the morning. He said I looked "scary" with makeup on, even when just doing a natural look. I tried telling him that most women wear makeup and it's just something he would have to get used to but it didn't stop him from complaining to me every time I had makeup on.

Eventually I got tired of it and stopped wearing makeup on the weekends and now I only wear it when I'm going out every once and a while. He also complains when other people wear makeup, like his aunt or grandmother. I thought this had calmed down, but today was parent-teacher meeting and apparently my son had gotten his teacher to stop wearing makeup, even saying she looked like a clown in front of the whole class. I was obviously mortified when I heard this, so when we got home I brought this up to him. He then went on a tirade about how makeup is dumb and makes people look weird and creepy. He said that the teacher looked like a monster and he couldn't concentrate on his work.

I'm honestly at a loss here. Makeup isn't going away any time soon and every makeup wearer in his life isn't going to stop just for him. How do I help him with this fear?
 
Well I kind of agree with him. Sorry, but what the heck is the point of it? He's speaking his truth. I expect he'll grow out of being quite that blunt, but it's very common for people with high autistic traits or Aspergers to ignore social conventions and say what they think. Looking on the bright side, your son doesn't fib...
 
When I was under ten, I used to freak out at my younger sister's pretend frozen fish in her kitchen playset. :eek:
 
Personally, I can't color my hair or wear makeup because if I looked in the mirror, it wouldn't look like me and cause me a great deal of anxiety. Besides my sensitive skin.

It could be that what your son sees isn't what everyone else does. Does he like to draw? Whether on the computer or on paper doesn't matter. If he's not prone to dramatizing, then he could draw an accurate enough picture of what he sees when he looks at someone with makeup on. He could have had an experience where someone got too close to his face while wearing makeup and that started the picture in his mind that they look like "monsters" though this is only a suggestion as I don't know why he has this fear.

My son is also ten and he had an issue with me singing and would even slap my mouth when he was younger and had no self control. We've worked on that he can't expect the world to revolve around him but compromises can be made with people. He now mostly has no issue and will sometimes sing his own way, his own song or what-have-you if I decide to sing. If he's particularly irritated, I won't do something that I know bothers him and he knows he can't expect that out of everyone, but still has to be reminded at times.
 
I think you need to address his rudeness to his teacher. This is going to cause him many more problems than disliking makeup will. Explain to him why it can hurt someone's feelings if you criticize their appearance. Explain to him that his elders, especially educators, deserve his respect.

You will have to make this point again and again and again, but start now.
 
I wish more people would realize how scary their makeup looks. At Halloween a lot of people wear makeup that looks freaky, which is fine because they're supposed to look freaky. But the rest of the year the makeup they think makes them look beautiful makes them look more like sick clowns.:mask:
 
Thinx said:
Well I kind of agree with him. Sorry, but what the heck is the point of it? He's speaking his truth. I expect he'll grow out of being quite that blunt, but it's very common for people with high autistic traits or Aspergers to ignore social conventions and say what they think. Looking on the bright side, your son doesn't fib...
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I understand what you're saying but my son still has to interact with people who wear makeup. I'm afraid this won't go away any time soon.
 
rainfall said:
Personally, I can't color my hair or wear makeup because if I looked in the mirror, it wouldn't look like me and cause me a great deal of anxiety. Besides my sensitive skin.

It could be that what your son sees isn't what everyone else does. Does he like to draw? Whether on the computer or on paper doesn't matter. If he's not prone to dramatizing, then he could draw an accurate enough picture of what he sees when he looks at someone with makeup on. He could have had an experience where someone got too close to his face while wearing makeup and that started the picture in his mind that they look like "monsters" though this is only a suggestion as I don't know why he has this fear.

My son is also ten and he had an issue with me singing and would even slap my mouth when he was younger and had no self control. We've worked on that he can't expect the world to revolve around him but compromises can be made with people. He now mostly has no issue and will sometimes sing his own way, his own song or what-have-you if I decide to sing. If he's particularly irritated, I won't do something that I know bothers him and he knows he can't expect that out of everyone, but still has to be reminded at times.
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That's a good idea! My son loves to draw. Maybe this will help me understand him more.
 
Not a make-up fan either, so I think I can relate to his basic reaction. So while it isn't wrong he doesn't like it, the point is he shouldn't be rude or hurt people's feelings. Maybe the point about people having personnel freedom to use or not use it.
 
The other way is to tell him that if woman want to look like clowns- it is their freedom to do this - and give a education about living in America- that we have freedom of choice- for religion- dating- and wearing makeup. In some countries- woman aren't allowed to show their hair or wear makeup. And he also has freedoms but he can't infringe on other people's choices of freedom. Don't know any other way to approach it. If he has a favorite thing to do- would it be fair for people to tell him to stop doing it?
 
Aspychata said:
The other way is to tell him that if woman want to look like clowns- it is their freedom to do this - and give a education about living in America- that we have freedom of choice- for religion- dating- and wearing makeup. In some countries- woman aren't allowed to show their hair or wear makeup. And he also has freedoms but he can't infringe on other people's choices of freedom. Don't know any other way to approach it. If he has a favorite thing to do- would it be fair for people to tell him to stop doing it?
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I tried explaining this to him. The problem is that he is physically afraid of the way makeup looks. It scares him for some reason.
 
Sarahmom said:
Not sure where else to post this correct me if I'm wrong. My son is ten years old and in fourth grade. He has high functioning aspergers and tends to get upset easily at seemingly random things. One thing that makes him particularly unnerved is people wearing makeup. I used to wear a full face every day until he was about five, then he started to get agitated whenever I had makeup on and would get mad whenever I did my makeup in the morning. He said I looked "scary" with makeup on, even when just doing a natural look. I tried telling him that most women wear makeup and it's just something he would have to get used to but it didn't stop him from complaining to me every time I had makeup on. Eventually I got tired of it and stopped wearing makeup on the weekends and now I only wear it when I'm going out every once and a while. He also complains when other people wear makeup, like his aunt or grandmother. I thought this had calmed down, but today was parent-teacher meeting and apparently my son had gotten his teacher to stop wearing makeup, even saying she looked like a clown in front of the whole class. I was obviously mortified when I heard this, so when we got home I brought this up to him. He then went on a tirade about how makeup is dumb and makes people look weird and creepy. He said that the teacher looked like a monster and he couldn't concentrate on his work. I'm honestly at a loss here. Makeup isn't going away any time soon and every makeup wearer in his life isn't going to stop just for him. How do I help him with this fear?
Click to expand...
I understand his point completely. I also understand yours: there is no way to get other people to stop wearing makeup. My wife doesn't wear makeup because I don't like it. In fact, in the almost 12 years we've been married, I can count on three fingers the number of times she's worn it.
 
Can't say I am a big fan either. I admire extreme face paint, that's more like art. But what's classed as normal...isn't normal to me.

Been mistaken for making 'eye contact' when in reality I am staring with horrid fascination at eyelashes that look like burnt spider legs..or that big blob of goo in the corner of the eye! Or lipstick that's smudged, or cracked foundation. It hides & distorts the face underneath which can be disturbing. It can be like some horror creation. Whatever is being said to me is totally lost as I am so fixated. I am then very thrown when a response is needed. Maybe your son sees something similar too?

However, he does need to learn that people will do things differently to how he wants/thinks & needs enough taught manners to not mention it openly (well, to the person concerned at least!). He is 10. Will save him a world of pain in the long run. He should feel able to talk about it openly & privately to others though if need be.

He may have had an unpleasant experience in the past that he can't actually remember causing this extreme reaction. Not much you can do there except explore 'what he sees' & try to rationalise with him afterwards. The drawing thing is a very good suggestion.
 
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Yes. I agree with Aspychata's post. I have always been unnerved by false faces - happy or sad - painted over what I have perceived as scarey or unfriendly faces underneath. Never liked clowns. Or masks.

IT - Stephen King comes to mind. IT2 even more so. Or maybe, anything with masks come to think of it (pardon the pun there).
 
Most make up smells too. If he's sensitive to smell he may have felt nauseated by that, I recall that as a child, the icky smell of make up. Maybe he could make a Utube video about it, bet it would go viral and irritate the Trump's....
 
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