Earlier this week people mentioned autism and selective mutism. It got me thinking about my own behavior and if I suffer from selective mutism. Because; I think it?s interesting to see where your personal position and functioning holds up to? well, peers. But actually, it was just something to get my thoughts started and trying to be as neutral as possible without going into my process labeling myself as someone with said mutism at once. Just a small ladder to get my train of thought started.
I should state it?s all about talking. I can write well enough to spread my message around. Somehow I feel that my talking capabilities and my capacity to write are in no way in sync. Which is also why people sometimes think I?m ?dumb?, until they get into territory where I actually know my stuff or when we actually end up looking into emails and other forms of written material, where it throws people totally off.
I do have a lot of problems talking on the phone, and sometimes holding normal conversations (especially ?formal? ones). And as a kid I clearly was more ?shy? and as such came across as mute quite often. School wasn?t different. I went to think about how I handled them and tried to figure out what my thinking process in these cases was. I looked at recent conversations with stuff like social services, social workers, therapists, phone calls and went back to high school, college, university and how I handled social situations there.
Characterizations of selective mutism (according to Wikipedia)
? Consistent failure to speak in specific social situations (in which there is an expectation for speaking, e.g., at school) despite speaking in other situations.
? The disturbance interferes with educational or occupational achievement or with social communication.
? The duration of the disturbance is at least 1 month (not limited to the first month of school).
? The failure to speak is not due to a lack of knowledge of, or comfort with, the spoken language required in the social situation.
? The disturbance is not better accounted for by a communication disorder (e.g., stuttering) and does not occur exclusively during the course of a pervasive developmental disorder, schizophrenia, or other psychotic disorder.
There?s a lot I don?t qualify for. Especially the comfort thing, which one might even attribute to autism instead. So yeah, I discovered that it wasn?t that I was mute as such. Though my recollection of interaction gave me something else that was interesting.
I?ve realized that my way to communicate quite often is an absent form. Imagine it as someone who doesn?t care about what you ask him and you get retorted with ?oh ok? while he doesn?t even look up and keeps on what he?s doing. If you ask the person what he confirmed, he sometimes does not have a clue and as such goes on with an almost automated process of acknowledgement. It?s something that in fact is quite common I?ve seen. Not with people on the spectrum, but people in general. I see similar things with my parents daily.
This is in fact my problem. But what a lot of people do is just a lite version of my problem.
I?ve did some thinking why this is, what the root of it is. The root of this is the ever-growing ?stopwatch?-society. Everything is fast, time is limited and everyone wants answers at a machine gun rate. My brain just does not work like that, and much like a fight or flight response I?ll just blurt out something, just to give a response. Is the response I wish to give? Perhaps not. But if no one wants to listen, that?s the response they?ll end up getting served. Because funnily enough they do want an answer, but they don?t want to listen.
In all my past I?ve ran into a single therapist that actually saw a problem in my communication (and in the end didn?t do anything in terms of diagnosis with it). But said therapist planned me at 4 in the afternoon. 5 was the end of her shift, but she was totally fine with giving me an extra 30 minutes ?on the house? because I was apparently both interesting to talk to? if given the time as well as it was a well needed part of therapy to get my issues out and on paper for her.
To make matters more interesting it can and has resulted in faulty information. I don?t believe in ?first thing comes to mind is the truth? and, especially, to play the devil?s advocate, not with an atypical brain. I remember being asked ?are you depressed?? at one point and I said No, instead of Yes and it ended where my statement was pinned down and held against me. Later, when they actually did their research, my statement did not hold up (according to the Zung scale amongst other qualified tests) and clearly I ?lied? about my problems.
I feel like I?m on the weekend edition of some kind of tv show and get served my 1 million dollar question, get nervous and state the opposite, or at least, not state the truth. To make it more stressful; the answer has to be phrased in the form of a question. Or in 5 words. Or in any other form that is not my natural way of expressing myself. Granted, I like to talk a lot and phrase long? I don?t even call them answers, their full on, not even trains.. but freight trains of thought, but if that?s my way to express myself, that?s the way I express myself.
I can also put this on a larger scale to social interaction where I?m being confronted with social interactions I don?t care for or in fact, have to deal with people I don?t care about. It?s being selectively deaf as well. I?ve had guys in school joke on my behalf and I brushed if off as ?yeah, whatever?? I said whatever, because I didn?t even understand (or hear) what they were on and about.
In a way I think I recognized my issue and how it exists, how people perceive it and what problem it poses. If I can write, I can think and choose my words more concisely. That fraction of a second more to think about what you say and the ability to delete, actually is what gets me to phrase some decent answers. It?s also why I sometimes take a day to respond to an email. Just phrasing and rephrasing an answer and a structured train of thought that?s easy for people to understand.
So it leaves me with a really interesting notion with the communicative ?fight or flight?-response. How can you be sure that this person actually makes a true statement if he?s clearly not at ease to communicate? How can you be sure this person is ?himself? in that sense? And how realistic is it to hold anything against someone of whom you don?t even know if they speak the truth? Especially if you know there are, in fact, ?issues?. Funny how there is time for the criminally insane to get correct statements out, since lives were at stake, even if getting these statements takes 20+ hours on a single day, but if you need correct information as a social services employee, you can barely spare 5 minutes.
I don?t claim I have multiple personalities of any kind (nor am I criminally insane). But I surely claim that my information processing is off, then comes information providing that is off. Both qualities which are not fit for the 21st century. I could state the solution is easy? and in fact it is; but nowadays everyone acts like the March hare?
I should state it?s all about talking. I can write well enough to spread my message around. Somehow I feel that my talking capabilities and my capacity to write are in no way in sync. Which is also why people sometimes think I?m ?dumb?, until they get into territory where I actually know my stuff or when we actually end up looking into emails and other forms of written material, where it throws people totally off.
I do have a lot of problems talking on the phone, and sometimes holding normal conversations (especially ?formal? ones). And as a kid I clearly was more ?shy? and as such came across as mute quite often. School wasn?t different. I went to think about how I handled them and tried to figure out what my thinking process in these cases was. I looked at recent conversations with stuff like social services, social workers, therapists, phone calls and went back to high school, college, university and how I handled social situations there.
Characterizations of selective mutism (according to Wikipedia)
? Consistent failure to speak in specific social situations (in which there is an expectation for speaking, e.g., at school) despite speaking in other situations.
? The disturbance interferes with educational or occupational achievement or with social communication.
? The duration of the disturbance is at least 1 month (not limited to the first month of school).
? The failure to speak is not due to a lack of knowledge of, or comfort with, the spoken language required in the social situation.
? The disturbance is not better accounted for by a communication disorder (e.g., stuttering) and does not occur exclusively during the course of a pervasive developmental disorder, schizophrenia, or other psychotic disorder.
There?s a lot I don?t qualify for. Especially the comfort thing, which one might even attribute to autism instead. So yeah, I discovered that it wasn?t that I was mute as such. Though my recollection of interaction gave me something else that was interesting.
I?ve realized that my way to communicate quite often is an absent form. Imagine it as someone who doesn?t care about what you ask him and you get retorted with ?oh ok? while he doesn?t even look up and keeps on what he?s doing. If you ask the person what he confirmed, he sometimes does not have a clue and as such goes on with an almost automated process of acknowledgement. It?s something that in fact is quite common I?ve seen. Not with people on the spectrum, but people in general. I see similar things with my parents daily.
This is in fact my problem. But what a lot of people do is just a lite version of my problem.
I?ve did some thinking why this is, what the root of it is. The root of this is the ever-growing ?stopwatch?-society. Everything is fast, time is limited and everyone wants answers at a machine gun rate. My brain just does not work like that, and much like a fight or flight response I?ll just blurt out something, just to give a response. Is the response I wish to give? Perhaps not. But if no one wants to listen, that?s the response they?ll end up getting served. Because funnily enough they do want an answer, but they don?t want to listen.
In all my past I?ve ran into a single therapist that actually saw a problem in my communication (and in the end didn?t do anything in terms of diagnosis with it). But said therapist planned me at 4 in the afternoon. 5 was the end of her shift, but she was totally fine with giving me an extra 30 minutes ?on the house? because I was apparently both interesting to talk to? if given the time as well as it was a well needed part of therapy to get my issues out and on paper for her.
To make matters more interesting it can and has resulted in faulty information. I don?t believe in ?first thing comes to mind is the truth? and, especially, to play the devil?s advocate, not with an atypical brain. I remember being asked ?are you depressed?? at one point and I said No, instead of Yes and it ended where my statement was pinned down and held against me. Later, when they actually did their research, my statement did not hold up (according to the Zung scale amongst other qualified tests) and clearly I ?lied? about my problems.
I feel like I?m on the weekend edition of some kind of tv show and get served my 1 million dollar question, get nervous and state the opposite, or at least, not state the truth. To make it more stressful; the answer has to be phrased in the form of a question. Or in 5 words. Or in any other form that is not my natural way of expressing myself. Granted, I like to talk a lot and phrase long? I don?t even call them answers, their full on, not even trains.. but freight trains of thought, but if that?s my way to express myself, that?s the way I express myself.
I can also put this on a larger scale to social interaction where I?m being confronted with social interactions I don?t care for or in fact, have to deal with people I don?t care about. It?s being selectively deaf as well. I?ve had guys in school joke on my behalf and I brushed if off as ?yeah, whatever?? I said whatever, because I didn?t even understand (or hear) what they were on and about.
In a way I think I recognized my issue and how it exists, how people perceive it and what problem it poses. If I can write, I can think and choose my words more concisely. That fraction of a second more to think about what you say and the ability to delete, actually is what gets me to phrase some decent answers. It?s also why I sometimes take a day to respond to an email. Just phrasing and rephrasing an answer and a structured train of thought that?s easy for people to understand.
So it leaves me with a really interesting notion with the communicative ?fight or flight?-response. How can you be sure that this person actually makes a true statement if he?s clearly not at ease to communicate? How can you be sure this person is ?himself? in that sense? And how realistic is it to hold anything against someone of whom you don?t even know if they speak the truth? Especially if you know there are, in fact, ?issues?. Funny how there is time for the criminally insane to get correct statements out, since lives were at stake, even if getting these statements takes 20+ hours on a single day, but if you need correct information as a social services employee, you can barely spare 5 minutes.
I don?t claim I have multiple personalities of any kind (nor am I criminally insane). But I surely claim that my information processing is off, then comes information providing that is off. Both qualities which are not fit for the 21st century. I could state the solution is easy? and in fact it is; but nowadays everyone acts like the March hare?
