I had a not so great day today. I froze up, stared into space, and just shut off. Even though there was a task to do today. A few of them in fact.
Fix the disk fixture that holds the lightbulb, in the garage.
Help with trimming the bushes and cleaning up.
I did neither. I shut off and shut out my Uncle. I stood for a while before walking off and deciding to pull weeds and do some cleaning of my own. A spent a while outside in the heat and... I wasn't in the best mindset. I didn't care if I got heat stroke. I just did stuff till there was nothing left to do.
I felt like crap the whole day and I felt just... defeated. Depressed. Lost.
I looked up Clinical Depression and unlike before, I know that I have it. Of course, it's not official. Diagnosed anything would help at this point... Anyway. Mixed with some neurotic BS. Truthfully, I shouldn't be surprised. I never pay attention to myself. Never did.
I am in emotional hell. Internalizing, ruminating, and self-tormenting. I should be looking forward to tomorrow. But I am not. I am not even looking forward to waking up and facing my Uncle tomorrow. I have things to address with my psychologist tomorrow, but it's... going to be hard to find joy in what I need to address.
Not to mention that I am discovering that even my small amounts of alcohol consumption is affecting me in a bad way. Making what I assume to be Clinical Depression worse.
Fix the disk fixture that holds the lightbulb, in the garage.
Help with trimming the bushes and cleaning up.
I did neither. I shut off and shut out my Uncle. I stood for a while before walking off and deciding to pull weeds and do some cleaning of my own. A spent a while outside in the heat and... I wasn't in the best mindset. I didn't care if I got heat stroke. I just did stuff till there was nothing left to do.
I felt like crap the whole day and I felt just... defeated. Depressed. Lost.
I looked up Clinical Depression and unlike before, I know that I have it. Of course, it's not official. Diagnosed anything would help at this point... Anyway. Mixed with some neurotic BS. Truthfully, I shouldn't be surprised. I never pay attention to myself. Never did.
I am in emotional hell. Internalizing, ruminating, and self-tormenting. I should be looking forward to tomorrow. But I am not. I am not even looking forward to waking up and facing my Uncle tomorrow. I have things to address with my psychologist tomorrow, but it's... going to be hard to find joy in what I need to address.
Not to mention that I am discovering that even my small amounts of alcohol consumption is affecting me in a bad way. Making what I assume to be Clinical Depression worse.
