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First Try at online blog/ journal (11.11.21)

  1. Let's see. Mostly a normal morning today. Not in too bad of a mood, more on the meh, side.
    The drive to work this morning was also quite uneventful, barring the usual antics of taxi drivers here, no regard to road rules or anyone on the road.
    Always had problems with expressing or being able to identify emotions, not only in others but within my own mind. My psychologist send me the image below to help me with that.

    IMG-20210903-WA0000.jpg

    Guess, according to the above, I'm falling on the Insignificant/ Discouraged at the moment. Don't feel like doing anything much, nor do I feel the need to talk to anyone, doing household chores, watch anything or read anything. Hell, I'm not even really in the mood to do this right now.
    Get these types of days quite often where I don't want to do anything at all.
    Having the thoughts of me being insignificant, that I have no role or anything to contribute to the world or just my own little world. Feels like I'm stuck, wake up in the morning, go to work, finish work, go home, sleep and repeat. Not really a life I want to continue with.
    With some bad financial issues, I can't even go out to do something, not that I actually like people in the first place or like to go out in the first place, the ASD is not of much help there either.
    Yes, your thoughts can be turned into beliefs, something that my psychologist is also trying to help me out with, think that that is going a bit, slow.

    [​IMG][​IMG]
    As in the image above, again these types of thoughts become believes in the end, but it's extremely difficult to try and control these kinds of thoughts.
    Like the emotional state of today, it was similar to the one yesterday, but yesterday had a bit more of irritability to it.
    With today also having the edition of not really having any appetite, had an issue previously where I've gone down from 88 kg to 65 kg because of the loss of appetite.
    The thoughts of just wiping myself from this world is cropping up again…

    11:35am and this day just do not seem to have an end to it at all, it's like this day so far just do not seem to have an end to it. Just want to go home and sleep, hopefully not wake up again.

    Sitting and just staring at the computer screen, while in the progress of typing this on my red back lit keyboard, I find myself just stopping and staring, hovering my fingers over the letters to create a word, words I'm not too sure of, words I'm struggling with and not sure of what exactly would the correct ones to use and what order to place them in.
    Rolling the idea around of maybe taking a half day at work and going home to sleep, or more likely just cry.
    This feels like a breakdown coming on again.

    Don't know what this is, or how to deal with it, just feeling overwhelmed, drained and out of it.
    Did go home early, got an added bonus of a migraine, took some meds and went to bed. A bit better, things would be back to normal tomorrow morning and a visit to the psychologist.

    Needed some more bread this evening, think it's ready for the oven to be switched on.
    IMG_20211111_175420.jpg
    Some added cinnamon can make quite a difference in taste. Made quite a few breads in the past, prefer fresh made instead of the usual store bought, homemade just tastes better, and you can make it to your taste. With this one I tried something new, instead of taking the dough out of the mixer then straight into the bread pan, I let it rest for a few minutes, then folded it over on itself a few times, this adds more air into the mix, why it rose so quickly. It should come out nice and airy.

    The end result:
    IMG_20211111_190308.jpg
    IMG_20211111_190413.jpg
    Raggamuffin likes this.

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