So. My Dad, who I don't talk to, is visiting tomorrow for both mine and my Uncle's birthday. Even though my Uncle's birthday has since passed.
I know. "He is doing it likely out of guilt. So take it for what it is".
The problem is. I don't want him around. AT ALL. That maybe petty, but I really have no relationship with him. I've tried talking with him before and it's a miserable affair always. At least for me.
Maybe my reaction to him coming, is being upset and want to tell him "Screw you! Go away!". It's apart of a problem with myself. I have started to face that I may of not been the best child. That any of the excessive blame I throw on them is my own psychosis and dismay at negative things. But in reacting as I do. I am creating negativity that really isn't there, otherwise. It exists in my head. My actions make it a reality.
I now know why I sabotaged my three weeks of great progress. It's all about my resentment due to my psychosis. Wanting to see things as being far more terrible than they truly are.
So let him come tomorrow. I have no reason to stop him from coming.
I know. "He is doing it likely out of guilt. So take it for what it is".
The problem is. I don't want him around. AT ALL. That maybe petty, but I really have no relationship with him. I've tried talking with him before and it's a miserable affair always. At least for me.
Maybe my reaction to him coming, is being upset and want to tell him "Screw you! Go away!". It's apart of a problem with myself. I have started to face that I may of not been the best child. That any of the excessive blame I throw on them is my own psychosis and dismay at negative things. But in reacting as I do. I am creating negativity that really isn't there, otherwise. It exists in my head. My actions make it a reality.
I now know why I sabotaged my three weeks of great progress. It's all about my resentment due to my psychosis. Wanting to see things as being far more terrible than they truly are.
So let him come tomorrow. I have no reason to stop him from coming.
