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Your Biggest Social Faux-Pas

My biggest social faux pas was in gym class. The gym teacher was teaching us how to dance for the purpose of gym class. In those days I was jumpy and energetic. Anyway, Christina Aguilera comes on and we start our choregraphed movements. Then I diverged from our given cue and started to jump higher than we were told to. Later that day, the kids made fun of me behind my back. Only they did it while I was in the room and they treated me as if I wasn't there. They did that multiple times. They made fun of me. It wasn't fun, and I couldn't shake off the feeling of humiliation. I still can't shake it off. It follows me everywhere like a seal of despair. It's one of the reasons I was miserable in school. It's one of the reasons why I became a loner.
 
Mister Anonymity said:
My biggest social faux pas was in gym class. The gym teacher was teaching us how to dance for the purpose of gym class. In those days I was jumpy and energetic. Anyway, Christina Aguilera comes on and we start our choregraphed movements. Then I diverged from our given cue and started to jump higher than we were told to. Later that day, the kids made fun of me behind my back. Only they did it while I was in the room and they treated me as if I wasn't there. They did that multiple times. They made fun of me. It wasn't fun, and I couldn't shake off the feeling of humiliation. I still can't shake it off. It follows me everywhere like a seal of despair. It's one of the reasons I was miserable in school. It's one of the reasons why I became a loner.
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All you can do is let it go. It cannot be changed and does not matter.
 
Mister Anonymity said:
My biggest social faux pas was in gym class. The gym teacher was teaching us how to dance for the purpose of gym class. In those days I was jumpy and energetic. Anyway, Christina Aguilera comes on and we start our choregraphed movements. Then I diverged from our given cue and started to jump higher than we were told to. Later that day, the kids made fun of me behind my back. Only they did it while I was in the room and they treated me as if I wasn't there. They did that multiple times. They made fun of me. It wasn't fun, and I couldn't shake off the feeling of humiliation. I still can't shake it off. It follows me everywhere like a seal of despair. It's one of the reasons I was miserable in school. It's one of the reasons why I became a loner.
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While that must have hurt, I had a theory earlier on.

I might be right or I might be wrong.

I wondered when I was mistreated by people, verbally, why did I not make contact with my anger at the time, and retaliate to their negativity?, and then it would not be lingering on my mind?

Could it be that if I did make contact with my anger, I may have gone too far in physically attacking them making it worse, or saying something really nasty that hurt them, feeling like a right *****?

I was reminded of a time my sister was winding me up and we were washing and drying dishes. I did make contact with my anger in response to verbal abuse and tried to stab her. I was 10.
I felt like a psycho.
Another time, I poured hot coffee over her.

I want to calmly respond to verbal abuse in a way I respect myself for.

Decades later, only a couple of weeks ago, I was getting verbal abuse from a friend on the phone, and I calmly told them that if the abuse continues I would hang up.

The abuse escalated, I can't remember if she hung up on me, I got hours of "up and down" Facebook messages of her.
By that I mean, some were insults, and others were her explaining that she was in a funny up and down mood and apologising, like alternating them.

Some of them I didn't respond to, and I ended up repeating "I do not know what to say" hoping she would stop.

I then said, "You will not get much out of me as I do not know what to say to you"

Be thankful to yourself that you did not lash out at these clicky verbally bullying behaved people, I hope that brings some peace and self respect that you did not retaliate in an abusive way, that you did not stoop to their level.
 
Amy Stone said:
Since discovering that I am on the spectrum, I have been reviewing a lot of my past interactions and behaviors and one in particular stands out as being one of my biggest social faux-pas! This is one I beat myself up on for years and now that I know I am ASD, I can laugh about it :p I will share mine and feel free to share yours:

I have never been a touchy-feely person but growing up Italian-American, everyone used to hug and/or kiss. When meeting someone who was a friend of a friend, you always would greet them with a hug to show they were more than just a stranger. After first introductions, usually a peck on the cheek. Being AS, I never "thought" for myself when it came to social situations and simply followed the rules I was taught: A) if meeting a complete stranger with no relation: handshake. B) if meeting a friend of a friend: give hug C) if meeting a friend: peck on cheek.

So fast forward 15 years later: I was going through a nasty divorce and my best friend Lon (who is now my husband) put me in contact with his lawyer to execute my divorce. Lon said to me "I have this amazing lawyer, he has been a good friend for years, he will take care good care of you for the divorce paperwork". Ok great! A friend of a friend. We go with Option B for greetings. So I went by myself to the lawyer's office and was waiting for him in a large room, the lawyer walks in and I go up and ambush him with a huge hug and he get's all flabbergasted and says to me "That is ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE!!! You just don't do that! A handshake is fine!" I turn beet-red. Make my apologies and just about died.

That was the LAST time I followed my family's "rules" for greeting people!!! (which is fine because I am not a touchy-feely person anyway!)

Hope that made someone smile :)
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That did bring a smile to my face. The embarrassment must have sucked.

I have a similar story. I'm not a touchy feely person either and I made a rule of hand shaking every ones hands when I first meet them. Can't go too wrong, good boundaries, good viral hygiene etc... But when I was meeting my cousins fiancé I shook her hand instead of giving her the appropriate hug. I was shamed by my parents and his parent's for not being welcoming. I guess I could go wrong with handshakes for all. Now that it's COVIDLAND I don't have to do either. Yippeee!!!!!!!
 
yes! definitely an advantage of covid that I don't have to do the hugs and kisses here in Europe and married into an Italian family *yay*

so here is my, to date most embarrassing incident:

I was invited to the birthday party of a friend of my at the time girlfriend's mom. So basically I was a plus one. It was an afternoon party and there was a pizza van where you could top your own pizzas to be oven baked for you. I have always had a huge appetite. So I ate one pizza and a little while later a second pizza (I still think they were tiny). So the birthday person, friend of my girlfriend's mom, comes up to me in front of a bunch of other people and tells me that she thinks I've eaten enough and I'm really not in a position to be eating this much of the food that is being provided. I literally wished the earth would just cover me up. I was so embarrassed I left immediately. Ever since I've made sure to eat a meal before I go to any invites. *lol*
 
My biggest faux pas is quite hilarious, at least my NT friends get a big bully sized giggle out of it.....

I am a former children's community social worker. One time I had returned a child to his foster home past our scheduled time. Now I know foster parents are stressed out and emotionally drained. She did not tell me that she was upset. She called my supervisor about my tardiness. I got written up. I felt bad and licked my wounds. The next time I saw her I told her I would be doing a better job....... and that I was REPRIMANDED.... I learned my lesson and it will not happen again. Guess what happened the very next day. Got called in to the supervisor's office for write up number two for, guess what? RUDENESS and MUNIPULATING foster homes for my benefit. TOTALLY was not my intentions. I honestly thought that I should tell her that the problem was rectified. I really thought it was polite to tell her that her complaint resulted in WHAT SHE WANTED. Yeah, nope. Big NO. Took me another two years to realize I needed to get out of any job involving social communication. I'm a career-less unfulfilled data entry recluse clerk doing remote work. Could not be any happier as I no longer worry about making mistakes I will never be able to understand nor prevent it's reoccurrence. It definitely was worth loosing my career aspirations to settle for what was good for my ASD. I'm at least 100% financially independent.
 
Barymore said:
yes! definitely an advantage of covid that I don't have to do the hugs and kisses here in Europe and married into an Italian family *yay*

so here is my, to date most embarrassing incident:

I was invited to the birthday party of a friend of my at the time girlfriend's mom. So basically I was a plus one. It was an afternoon party and there was a pizza van where you could top your own pizzas to be oven baked for you. I have always had a huge appetite. So I ate one pizza and a little while later a second pizza (I still think they were tiny). So the birthday person, friend of my girlfriend's mom, comes up to me in front of a bunch of other people and tells me that she thinks I've eaten enough and I'm really not in a position to be eating this much of the food that is being provided. I literally wished the earth would just cover me up. I was so embarrassed I left immediately. Ever since I've made sure to eat a meal before I go to any invites. *lol*
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Had that one happen to me too. I no longer eat anything I want in public. I'm a plus sized girl (not morbid and I'm very active and muscular) so when I'm out in public I have a side salad and I skip the dressing. I get complimented on my sensible food choices. I'm literally starving but as long as THEY feel happy about my "decency" so be it. Oh, and I tried not eating the food provided. Can't do that either. I get the the shame look because I am also expected to eat it. So I can eat but I also can't? That's messed up but it's their world, not mine. So I take a nipple or two in front of them, gush for five minutes at how awesome it was, and they walk away content with the ego inflation.
 
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@Danielle Sisco - sorry to hear that!
I totally dont do hungry well. I will eat at home but still eat a full meal out. Just not my regular ginormous amounts.
And I totally get the "you can eat but you cant" thing to..... for the longest time I didn't realize that in Italian culture women don't actually drink that much red wine, just the guys. But then I'm just like: **** it, who thought up these rules anyway? turns out at least my Southern Italian in-laws love the fact that I eat loads and like a couple of glasses of red wine *grin* guess being the foreigner has some plus points sometimes - although, come to think of it, my wife's grandmother still regularly asks her how her husband is doing...... maybe there's something else going on.
 
I can't even go there with past social faux pas, I think I try to bury them after they've haunted me long enough. Also, I have brain fog. Recently I was told that I was sounding really harsh on the job - which bothered me and embarrassed me because my strongest intention is to be helpful to the people I deal with. I've analyzed it a bunch of times, and I think it's the loudness of my voice - for some reason, my only two volumes and too quiet to be heard and half-shouting. I think it may have to do with overall stress? But when I am trying to be helpful or friendly, I guess I am amping up my "personality" and I naturally amp up the volume of my voice, and I end up sounding - anything but friendly. Probably weird at best, and harsh at worst. I realize this makes me seem unprofessional and not the way I want to come off at all, but it is going to take work to see if I can overcome this.

Trust me, there's far worse than that. Just don't want to revisit those instances right now! But it's nice to see that I'm not the only one, lol!
 
Nairobi said:
I can't even go there with past social faux pas, I think I try to bury them after they've haunted me long enough. Also, I have brain fog. Recently I was told that I was sounding really harsh on the job - which bothered me and embarrassed me because my strongest intention is to be helpful to the people I deal with. I've analyzed it a bunch of times, and I think it's the loudness of my voice - for some reason, my only two volumes and too quiet to be heard and half-shouting. I think it may have to do with overall stress? But when I am trying to be helpful or friendly, I guess I am amping up my "personality" and I naturally amp up the volume of my voice, and I end up sounding - anything but friendly. Probably weird at best, and harsh at worst. I realize this makes me seem unprofessional and not the way I want to come off at all, but it is going to take work to see if I can overcome this.

Trust me, there's far worse than that. Just don't want to revisit those instances right now! But it's nice to see that I'm not the only one, lol!
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I have the same struggle with voice volume. I either am so quiet and inaudible like a mouse - and it irritates me when everyone talks over me. Or I am so loud with a monotoned voice that I am shouting and yelling when really I just feel passionate or intensely focused. I also have a hard time with rate of speech. I may not think I'm talking fast but I really do. I heard a voicemail from me the other day. The fast talk, monotoned voice, over the top details and the frantic energy was obvious yet I remember actually making the voicemail and I thought I just sounded "normal".

I have been trying to work on it. We have to consciously put effort into these tedious aspects of communication. I do okay but having to actually talk and me mindful of the nuances of speech usually limits my ability to speak more than seven word sentences or steer a conversation into a topic that is more suitable for me. I found it might just be better to work on my listening skills and offer the seven word comments. "Wow that must have been really hard". "That must have been super exciting. I wish I was there." "I can only imagine what that's like." Some of my scripted comments I have to rely on. I don't have to think about them. Just choose which option is best and then I force myself to slow down, speak with a hint of enthusiasm and allow my voice pitch a slight, but not frantic, rise and fall. Leaves me unfilled in conversations but at least I don't piss anyone off and get into conflicts that lessen my already fragile sense of self worth.
 
Danielle Sisco said:
I have the same struggle with voice volume. I either am so quiet and inaudible like a mouse - and it irritates me when everyone talks over me. Or I am so loud with a monotoned voice that I am shouting and yelling when really I just feel passionate or intensely focused. I also have a hard time with rate of speech. I may not think I'm talking fast but I really do. I heard a voicemail from me the other day. The fast talk, monotoned voice, over the top details and the frantic energy was obvious yet I remember actually making the voicemail and I thought I just sounded "normal".

I have been trying to work on it. We have to consciously put effort into these tedious aspects of communication. I do okay but having to actually talk and me mindful of the nuances of speech usually limits my ability to speak more than seven word sentences or steer a conversation into a topic that is more suitable for me. I found it might just be better to work on my listening skills and offer the seven word comments. "Wow that must have been really hard". "That must have been super exciting. I wish I was there." "I can only imagine what that's like." Some of my scripted comments I have to rely on. I don't have to think about them. Just choose which option is best and then I force myself to slow down, speak with a hint of enthusiasm and allow my voice pitch a slight, but not frantic, rise and fall. Leaves me unfilled in conversations but at least I don't piss anyone off and get into conflicts that lessen my already fragile sense of self worth.
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Yes, I also have that problem where I think I sound normal, but there is frantic energy, too loud, fast talking, and over the top details. I never catch it while I am doing it - I hope that I can learn to do what you are doing - for the same reasons you are giving, I am totally on that same wavelength with you.
 
It's definitely not easy and it definitely is uncomfortable and sad. I have SO MUCH I want to discuss but because I have to focus on just sounding "abnormal" I never get to really talk. And it's a hollowing experience in my chest but hey, my company is very happy with what they think is a normal conversation. They obviously feel good about it. I can fool mostly anyone...... at the sacrifice of my actual, authentic self. It is definitely worth it for the peace and harmony it brings. It's the only way I've can fit in socially. NTs never want any details on anything it seems.
 
Gift2humanity said:
With the greatest of respect, there are unwritten social nuanced rules we just don't get.
I've broken loads, pissed loads of people off accidentally.
Any decent person will know I mean no offence by it.
NT's have a social code-book we just were not given.
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Thank you for this! It's not just me, then -- yes, a code or language that I cannot understand. But they don't understand mine either -- but most of them don't even try to! I know I talk differently, and I do offend people easily. I sound robotic or (as some call me) "little miss know it all" .... My talking differently would be like someone changing their eye color. I can't. I'm me.
 
I am a master at unintentionally insulting people. But I seldom recall specifics because I forgive myself and move on.

But the first time I did this I can't quite forget because it is more funny than tragic.

I was about 16 and working in a jewelry store. After a customer would leave my boss would sometimes say "there is no accounting for taste". I thought she was just acknowledging that personal style was subjective and there was no right or wrong way to dress.

One day I had a customer who couldn't make up her mind on which pieces to buy. So I said to her "there is no accounting for taste".

Later my boss told me that the phrase really means some people have bad tastes (in jewlery) and bought ugly things.

Oops!:oops::D

By the way, I also have a booming voice. It is not really loud, but I naturally project. This big voice of mine has gotten me in a lot of trouble. I have been told to "tone it down" and my mother would often punish me for "fighting" when it was my brother torturing me. She figured I must be the instigator because he was quiet. (I am repressing my thoughts on that).
I have even had others turn and look at me when I was cheering at a college football game. Yes, I can be loud!
 
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Suzette said:
I am a master at unintentionally insulting people. But I seldom recall specifics because I forgive myself and move on.

But the first time I did this I can't quite forget because it is more funny than tragic.

I was about 16 and working in a jewelry store. After a customer would leave my boss would sometimes say "there is no accounting for taste". I thought she was just acknowledging that personal style was subjective and there was no right or wrong way to dress.

One day I had a customer who couldn't make up her mind on which pieces to buy. So I said to her "there is no accounting for taste".

Later my boss told me that the phrase really means some people have bad tastes (in jewlery) and bought ugly things.

Oops!:oops::D

By the way, I also have a booming voice. It is not really loud, but I naturally project. This big voice of mine has gotten me in a lot of trouble. I have been told to "tone it down" and my mother would often punish me for "fighting" when it was my brother torturing me. She figured I must be the instigator because he was quiet. (I am repressing my thoughts on that).
I have even had others turn and look at me when I was cheering at a college football game. Yes, I can be loud!
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Have you considered the stage? Being able to project without yelling is a valuable asset.
 
Suzette said:
I am a master at unintentionally insulting people. But I seldom recall specifics because I forgive myself and move on.
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I've done this as well. I've gotten better I think this comes from being too honest. One that comes to mind is when an acquaintance would often text me and have the same bland/generic responses. He was always working. He wouldn't say much about how work was going just that he was at work. Still, he would habitually text me at work. So at one point, I told him I found conversations with him to be rather boring and uninteresting because he was always working. For some reason, this upset him haha. Ooops.
 
I think one of the most embarrassing things I've done was accidentally sending my mom a photo my friend sent me, of a poster of two penguins having intercourse! I meant to send it to another friend :tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy:
Her response was "Ick!" :tearsofjoy:
 
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