Would you date someone with kids?

[Soup]

I had a girl who had kids that asked me if it was alright to give me a fathers day card...after a second date with mom...I ran

That is unstable behaviour & bad for the kids.

 

[Nitro]

That is unstable behaviour & bad for the kids.

unfortunately so true

 

[Tarragon]

I don't mind kids. Goats are useful to society

 

[rollerskate]

I would, but I'd be hesitant to date a woman who had kids with various men as the probability of our relationship going down the drain would be high.

I wouldn't want to get into a relationship if it would be unstable; I crave stability. If she'd already had kids with more than one man, there's no way I'd get into a relationship with them. I know a woman who's in her early thirties who already has kids from three or four different men. She's been married to a guy for the past few years, but she cheats on him; she tells my sister about it.

So yeah - definitely not a good idea IMO.

Had kids from one guy? That's fine. Had kids from two guys? I'm gonna start being wary. Had kids from three guys? There's no chance in hell I'll date you.

As a woman with two children from two different men, let me say that those kinds of broad generalizations may leave you out of the loop with some very good people that have just had bad luck.

The first child was from my first marriage to my childhood sweetheart. About give months into my pregnancy he started changing and doing a backslide towards adolescent behavior. By the end he had became a severely abusive partner and it took getting an injunction and leaving the county to get him to a manageable level.

Later I got in a relationship with another Aspie that seemed to be my perfect match. He seemed stable, mature, shared the same values, etc. Almost year into the relationship my insurance ditched coverage of my birth control without warning and I ended up pregnant. Those shared values? The discussion of someday having children together? Out the window, especially since his family didn't approve. They wanted an abortion, I refused. Adoption was an option but that didn't seem like the best choice for the child. So I went ahead with the pregnancy even though I knew I'd probably lose the relationship over it (and did). Went through the pregnancy, labor, birth, postpartum alone.

Am I drama? As far as I know, no, but it does seem to be attracted to me, and when it comes I kick it right out the door. Maybe others have a problem with me doing what I consider to be the right thing by not aborting or adopting out a kid just because it was inconvenient, but it's not really about them, or even me, but him and what's best for him/what he wants, and I'm not going to apologize for being a good Mom with a good heart.

And just like appearances may be deceiving with those of us with kids from different fellows, they can be deceiving with those with no kids at all. I've known women that have gotten as many as twelve abortions in the past and counting. No one has to tell you that they've had abortions or adopted kids out.

Finally, consider this. The most recent generation is becoming known as being mostly fatherless, either through divorce or abandonment. And pregnancy very often can't be perfectly avoided any more than it can be perfectly instigated when you want it to happen. I know people like to pacify themselves with the belief they can plan every kid they have, but it's just as much of a false belief as the one that you can be prepared for child.

Bottom line, if you want to avoid drama and issues, just avoid them when they appear. Don't try to predict the future through creating false connections. If you don't like kids or don't think you can handle them if they're not yours etc that's fine, but unjustly lumping women as drama just because they have a few kids from different guys without knowing the background is just wrong, and setting yourself up for future relationship failures and disappointments. Judge them by their behavior, not their pasts. I'm sure you probably have some issues in your past you don't want to be judged by.

BTW, it's partially due to this kind of thinking in the OP post that I don't plan on dating ever again... No one that thinks that lowly of me for my kids deserves me. I'm perfectly happy being a single mom. Gets lonely but I'm used to being alone TBH, even when I was married I ended up doing all the work alone.

 

[Andrew206]

I'm open to dating someone with kids.

 

[Shiznown]

Depends on her age, depends on how many kids and depends on what she's willing to do sexually.