Why therapy is scary to me

[Jenisautistic]

Therapy can be very useful for many people.


This is why it scares me though.


There are many things that were written about me over the years — many which are biased or untrue.


I feel like they might misjudge me.


Also, I just don’t get most of traditional therapy.





When I first took an intake for tests for residential placement with Arc , they were very I can’t say the word, but they we’re going over paperwork and things were just strange to say the least.


They seem good at what they do, just that they may not be able to overcome bias.

 

[AprilR]

You are right. People are not objective, even therapists and it can be scary to be vulnerable with them too.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Unless your therapist is also autistic... there might be a disconnect... they are unable to empathize because we are often on a totally different "wavelength". When an neurotypical tries to empathize with us... they come up with this vision of, "If this were me, this is how I would feel... or why I would express those behaviors."... and then come up with a totally wrong conclusion. The same thing often happens with us when we try to empathize with a neurotypical... we just don't make those connections. It leads to all manner of misunderstandings, mischaracterizations, false "moral diagnosis", accusations, etc. Whenever I am presented with this sort of thing from other people... it's a mirror reflection of what kind of person THEY are... not me. It is difficult to do sometimes when you are frustrated and angry, but best not to judge others. Unfortunately, there is a lot of judgement going on when you go to a therapist... IF you are not articulating your thoughts well.

I use the example of my wife and I. 40 years together... and we will never be connected in terms of what we are thinking or being able to predict behaviors. We love each other. We complement each other. We are a great team. However, we haven't the foggiest clue about what goes on in each other's brains. Every day I am reminded of this in the innocent little comments she makes... and she is a complete mystery to me, so I don't even try. Clear communication is so important.

 

[velociraptor]

Unless your therapist is also autistic...

I've been using therapy extensively for the past decade and have yet to have a ND therapist that I am aware of. I regard therapy as the best bang for my buck in terms of treatment. I get a wonderful bag of tools that are nearly one-size-fits-all, there are no meds, no side-effects, and the stress management tools alone help me go farther on fewer of the meds I do take. CBT, DBT, ACT... Good stuff.

 

[Aspychata]

I have found that therapists can be a hit or miss. You need to find a therapist you gel with, that you both respect each other, and the therapist sticks to the task of giving you more inner understanding and support. This may not happen until your third or fifth therapist. l have dismissed quite a few therapists because they decided l was better so they chose to ask questions about their history, or they felt l just needed to go out on dates after my divorce. These were all wrong responses as far as l was concerned.

 

[Judge]

My one and only exposure to therapists remains a bitter experience. With a so-called HMO "therapist" who only interjected when I tried to explain my issues with reminders of the limitations of my mental health coverage.

She didn't strike me as a medical professional, but rather just a petty bureaucrat. Ironic to speculate that a prostitute might have paid more attention to me as a paying customer.

Though like any profession, there are good ones and bad ones.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Jen, I think your concerns are justified, especially because you seem to need more help than many of us here. That leaves you exposed to more misunderstandings and likely more judgmental assessments. This can be very dehumanizing.

Do you have anyone who can advocate for you? That might be a family member, or it might not. This person has to be committed to helping you get what you want, and not what they think is good for you.

I think it’s hard to find a therapist who is good.

I had numerous experiences with therapist which were at best useless and at worst abusive. This is probably a half dozen.

Thank heavens I got a good one this last time around. She really helped me through that bad spot when my husband left me.

 

[RemyZee]

It is really important to have someone to talk to, but I do agree with you that it has to be a person without bias and who will let you be in charge of what happens in therapy. I have also had a few lousy therapists who seemed to think they knew better than I did what I needed and who would argue with me about autism--"you're not autistic; you're a person WITH autism!" explaining that calling myself an autistic person was labeling myself and defining myself by autism. I don't mind being defined by autism. Sent me running away for the same reason you talk about-- bias. But I have had a couple of therapists who genuinely helped. The most important thing was they were caring.

 

[SusanLR]

I continued therapy with the therapist that diagnosed me.
I've had many others in my lifetime that I found not at all useful and they just didn't seem to care. Some would fall asleep when I was talking.
The one that diagnosed me was genuinely caring. I don't know what would have happened if she hadn't been there when I lost my mom and started living with an emotionally abusive person.
Maybe she understood because she has two autistic children of her own and went through abuse from the husband, finally divorced.

 

[Shevek]

A big red flag for me is when a therapist thinks they know how to treat me based on a previous client. My favourite one worked with me as we both discovered my accurate description.

 

[vergil96]

Psychotherapists are ableist in my experience

They also have difficult personalities and struggle with what they preach - understanding themselves, being rational and having distance to themselves, having dialogue. Probable why these people choose this profession- to deal with their own problems.

 

[Dagan]

Truly we all have to vet / screen therapists. If they don't "feel" right, then just move on to another until they do. It's about why online / video therapy has become better, since the amount of choices don't run dry.