When do you tell people you are an aspie?

[Christian T]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

I do a similar thing where I examine people's facial features whilst still paying their words a reasonable amount of attention. Can you lipread?

 

[Cerulean]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

Not a lot, it just helps to have a visual that corresponds to what I'm hearing, especially if the person has an accent or is a mumbler. But if I mute the TV I usually can't follow the conversations.

 

[shoukori]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

i might look around the person's face a bit to avoid the eye contact issues, but I know I don't stare at their mouth either, because I can't lipread to save my life!

I tend to try to find the object we are discussing, or a related object (I'm involved in dog training, so looking at the dog a lot!) if I'm in a social situation I just look in their general direction most times, I will notice earrings, etc.

 

[Bay]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

Looking people in the eye can be uncomfortable for me, but there are some people who I am not sure that I trust and with them I can't stop staring at their eyes.

 

[rolo]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/aspergers-diary/200809/asperger-emotions-and-adult-relationships this was the link that I asked Cerulean to find after seeing Droopy's post above and she put it up on the shout box

 

[Cerulean]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

Thanks rolo, sorry I didn't post it earlier, I kind of spaced on that request

 

[Esoteric]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

Don't usually tell people unless they ask or I feel the need to let them know in advance when getting into a relationship and what not.

 

[total-recoil]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

It's been going really badly and I've been kind of down over it. I mean, I'll be O.K. but seems as if when I get close to a girl I find all of a sudden it becomes hard. I simply don't know what the score is. I don't know if she likes me, is enjoying being the object of attention or simply wants to keep me as a friend.
Her sis had a word with me about it and suggested I just ask her out directly. However, then I find I don't know for sure if sis is just joking or serious.
I've tried before just avoiding the girl in question and then she'd get upset.
At the moment I've decided I can't deal with it any more and retreated back into my work. This is part of how I came to see recently I have AS. I can read some behaviour but the more subtle behaviour has me clueless.
Funnily enough her brother has AS and she herself is really a little neurotic although very extrovert.
I can chat up girls but it's deeper relationships I can't figure out the rules. I can now make eye contact too with women if it's one to one but I didn't used to be able to.
Sorry for rambling folks.

If I was lucky enough to have a girl flirt with me, I'm sure I'd be just as confused. I hope you've never had the awkward moment of inferring an unintended invitation from their words.

 

[total-recoil]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

I have a special friendship with a German Shepherd. He's my best friend and we're devoted to one another. His owner died in an accident so I sort of adopted him in order to take care of him. He was initially insecure, alone and confused after the change in circumstances after his owner died and I had to work really hard to steer him towards stability. Now he is fine. I walk him every day, play ball games, hug him a lot (as you do with pets) and sometimes just read my text books by his side while he chews a ball.
I noticed most NT's have nothing like understanding I have with dogs. I don't look down on dogs as most people do but understand how special the senses are that dogs have such as intuition and smell. I never tried to be the boss but learned to be gentle and patient so he learned to do tricks like roll over, shake paw, lie, sit and spin.
I guess looking a dog in the eye doesn't figure and never matters as it does with people.

Looking people in the eye can be uncomfortable for me, but there are some people who I am not sure that I trust and with them I can't stop staring at their eyes.

 

[Christian T]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

Sorry for rambling folks.

Oh, don't worry, we love in-depth explanations on this site, and it was very interesting to read. I really feel for you with these confusions, but I really don't think very many people in general know "the rules" of deeper relationships. It seems to me that everyone is improvising and making mistakes whilst trying to listen to their heart but not do anything too crazy.

 

[Soup]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

Hi total Recoil!

We did the same thing with a Great Dane from the SPCA. He has been starved by some maniac & beaten. He was 2 yrs old but only weighed 91lbs (a skeleton!). He had an ulcer on the side of his cheek from being repeatedly beaten with a stick (!). He didn't even have a NAME when the SPCA got him. He's a big guy now, but he'll never grow to normal male Great Dane size. He's the sweetest, most gentle, kind, fun, sensitive to others, considerate, playful loveable dog. We took my puggy (my closest friend & companion & I don't HAVE or want friends or companions!) a day later so neither dog had the chance to become territorial & reject the other. The 2 dogs are like close happy siblings. The Dane treats the pug (small & slim for her age & breed) ever so gently & is very kind to her: cleaning her face, making sure she has supper too before he eats. He's a true gentleman. I can't imagine bossing the dogs around or treating them like they're lesser. I make my pug's food from scratch using the best meats & organic vegetables. the Dane needs a special diet due to his fragile start in life. He tends to become ill & get worms & digestive issues despite our best efforts. We're doing all we can for him.

The pug was another story. I responded to an ad on Kijiji (a free online classified ads site in Canada). Several ads seemed dodgy (basement breeders supplementing their welfare!!!) but this ad had the perfect pug for us (same age as the Dane). The owner was a student who was never home & the pug wasn't getting the attention she needed. As soon as I arrived at the apartment, the pug ran to me & leapt into my arms. Turns out that the seller was a friend of my daughter's friend! I send her photos & updates on the pug regularly.

Both dogs notice when someone is different. They notice it in me (I see them watching sometimes) & they notice people with Down's Syndrome, Autism spectrum disorders & even Dementia. They're not fooled by attempts to appear normal but aren't biased against difference either: they just look & take a mental note.

As for looking a dog in the eye, their comfort level with this varies from one to the next. In dog culture, this is aggressive behaviour. some interpret it that way when a human being does it. Our Dane, however, does this 'thing' where he comes nose to nose with you & stares deep into your eyes. It is truly arresting & remarkable. The pug becomes uncomfortable & self-conscious if you eye-ball her & seems to begin wondering what she did wrong.

 

[Christian T]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

That was a really interesting story, Soup. I always marvel at the abilities of animals that seem extraordinary from our human point of view, because their abilities are amazing in their own unique ways. Watching a snake documentary last night, I found it fascinating that they have a neat pocket on the roof of the mouth for their forked tongue, have such flexible skin, and have permanent eyelids, and can swallow alligators, among other things. Maybe this isn't the best example.

Anyway, that canine ability you mentioned reveals how extraordinary and pure dogs are, like many creatures.

 

[rolo]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

I told a dog that I had Aspergers once -he just looked at me with his head cocked at a jaunty angle and with soulful, questioning eyes, proceeded to lick my face all over!! you can't get a better reaction than that folks!
On a more serious note-which one of you eloquent aspies can come up with a decent informative one liner that conveys Aspergers? It doesn't really have to be one line but as short and concise as possible-I struggle to answer this when asked and it frustrates me.

 

[Christian T]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

which one of you eloquent aspies can come up with a decent informative one liner that conveys Aspergers? It doesn't really have to be one line but as short and concise as possible-I struggle to answer this when asked and it frustrates me.

A different psychological profile that usually entails a strong value placed on honesty, a problematically logical understanding of the world, a fixation on a particular field of study or activity, and the inability to effectively interact with others emotionally.

Was that any good?

 

[rolo]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

Hi Christian T- Thanks for that-It's good, but it may need simplifying further for some-although it looks great on paper ,I have to be able to verbalize it- I have flu and my brain just isn't functioning today!

 

[Christian T]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

Hi Christian T- Thanks for that-It's good but it may need to simplifying further for some-it looks great on paper but I have to be able to verbalize it- I have flu and my brain just isn't functioning today!

Sorry to hear you have the flu, get well soon.

Oh, and sorry again, I forgot it was for verbalising. In that case:

Someone with a different way of thinking and feeling than most people, who might be big on honesty, see everything much more logically than most people, has a very specific interest that many might not share, and can't let their emotions out clearly or handle situations where someone else is highly emotional.

I don't know, that might have just made it more wordy, but I think it's simplified at least a little bit. Is this helpful?

 

[rolo]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

Thanks CT- it helps a lot- some days I am extremely articulate , can converse fluently and am able to get my point across- others like today I am hardly able to string a coherent sentence together, let a lone formulate complex thoughts and ideas-various members of long lost family are now wishing to talk with me-I will overload if I can not intimate this simply-I do not wish to give them room to disagree with my diagnosis or malign and belittle it in anyway. if I can express the syndrome eloquently then hopefully I can deter them from further questioning.
how are you keeping?

 

[rolo]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

Christian T- what time is it in Australia? Do you know of a safe free download for a world clock for my laptop-you can get apps for iphones but i specifically want one on my computer- so many people on this forum live far away in totally different time zones

 

[Christian T]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

You're very welcome, Rolo. My eloquence fluctuates in the same manner, so I'm always happy to help someone who's at a low point when I'm at a higher point. I hope your family conversations go well - it's always harder when you haven't seen them in a while because there's so much to articulate and so many events to condense. On the bright side, though, I don't think you'll struggle to find topics of conversation, but I might be wrong.

I'm keeping very well thankyou. I feel very energetic and cheerful, and excited to see The Dark Knight Rises, but just a but sleep-deprived because of how long I've been taking to finally organise myself for bed, and quieten my thoughts.

Good luck Rolo, I'm cheering you on!

 

[Kelly]

Re: when to tell people you are an aspie

I suck at words! My grammar and spelling is terrible and as for actually talking, I end up sounding like a complete idiot, I really wish I knew 'big words' but I don't. Sometimes I randomly come out with a word and then I doubt whether I really know the meaning of it...anyway I'm rambling now.

How about this rolo...

I have a condition that means my brain is wired differently. So sometimes my senses get mixed up, I can obsess over certain hobbies, I may say or do the strangest things which can make it hard to interact socially but I am also extremely honest, have good logic and am very loyal and caring in my own special way.

Just add/remove what you need to

I'm still thinking of the right way to tell my mother in law about being diagnosed, I keep meaning to tell her but either don't have the right moment or can't think of how to word it. I did type out a letter but I keep forgetting to give it to her so I think maybe an email to her at work, giving a brief idea of Asperger's and then inviting her to talk to me about it at the weekend or something will do.