When do parents stop acting like parents?

[if6wasnin9]

I'm 61 and my parents have never stopped trying to tell me what to do. I've been trying to shake them all my adult life. It's very dysfunctional. I've tried avoiding them, ignoring them, kissing their butts. Nothing has worked.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Pretty much when they die. You're always their kid. My 90 year old mother still fusses over me and I'm 67.

 

[if6wasnin9]

My dad tells me what to say and this year he told me to get a haircut. Wish he'd stay out of my life.

 

[Judge]

I'm 61 and my parents have never stopped trying to tell me what to do. I've been trying to shake them all my adult life. It's very dysfunctional. I've tried avoiding them, ignoring them, kissing their butts. Nothing has worked.

Wow...my remaining parent died when I was 50.

There ya go. When they die, they will stop treating you as their child.

 

[the_tortoise]

When do parents stop acting like parents?​

Usually never.

 

[SusanLR]

I'm not sure by what actions you call acting like parents.
Trying to tell you what to do? Maybe?
I've never been a parent and don't know the "parental" nature of emotions.

Maybe I just got lucky through a combination of being an only child with parents that didn't try to rule me to any great degree. Or maybe they saw at a young age I didn't take to being ruled or physically disciplined.
Being told things that were for my own safety as a very young child such as don't eat the oleanders, play with scorpions or put rocks in my mouth needed only to be told once and I understood it was for my own good.
I think I was what people call an old soul and had a working intuition of good/bad, safe/unsafe and human judgement.

The only thing that got next to me, having lived my life with my parents and no one else until mom's passing when I was 56, was her strong desire to mold me into her religion ideals. We never saw eye to eye on that subject, and she never gave up on it. Still, we were as close as two people could be, and I feel alone even now without her.
Even a friend could be insistent with pushing their belief system on you however annoying.
Dad was not that way and didn't say much to try and change me.

As far as fussing over me, if showing care and love via actions is fussing, well, that was alright by me. I had nothing to prove to anyone like it meant showing I was grown up if I deflected affectionate actions.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

There are many ways of saying "I love you". Be glad they care so much. You'll miss them once they're gone.

 

[TBRS1]

My dad tells me what to say and this year he told me to get a haircut. Wish he'd stay out of my life.

Roughly 80% of interactions with my father, throughout my entire life, was being told "get a haircut."

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I'm 61 and my parents have never stopped trying to tell me what to do. I've been trying to shake them all my adult life. It's very dysfunctional. I've tried avoiding them, ignoring them, kissing their butts. Nothing has worked.

Simple answer: Never

 

[Rodafina]

My parents haven't stopped acting like parents, but eventually, I stopped acting like a kid.

If your parent says "get a haircut," it doesn't mean you have to do it.

If they are not harming you, I think it's a time to practice acceptance and gratitude that they care. Their behavior probably won't change, but you can change your perspective.

 

[Shevek]

Mine stopped when I was about six months old.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

As a hospice nurse I attended the death of a 96 year old man. As I sat with the widow, surrounded by at least four adult children old enough to be grandparents, she was telling me her worries about all the things she needed to do now.

I suggested she let these obviously loving adult children help her. She looked at me aghast. She said, “They won’t do it right.”

 

[Judge]

My parents haven't stopped acting like parents, but eventually, I stopped acting like a kid.

If your parent says "get a haircut," it doesn't mean you have to do it.

If they are not harming you, I think it's a time to practice acceptance and gratitude that they care. Their behavior probably won't change, but you can change your perspective.

That was probably the first time I openly defied my father at the age of 15. He told me to get a haircut and I said, "No". Then told him to look around and see how most kids have long hair. My mother even nodded.

I won.