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What's your excuse?

Because having them one at a time would be much less efficient.

Why is the weather channel playing such awful music tonight?
 
Because they refused to pay me enough to play for the channel tonight. :P

Why didn't I ask the groundskeeper to mow the lawn today before he left for a 3 day weekend?
 
Because you asked the housekeeper to do it instead.

Who took the bear trap?
 
I did, there are wild hogs digging up my back pasture, the bear trap will catch them.

Why is my microphone in the fire?
 
Trust me, it's a better place for it now.

Why is my credit card bill so high?
 
When a Mommy truck and a Daddy truck like each other
very much, they go to the dealership and get...That's all
I can say about the process, unless you're willing to show
a Driver's License or Non-Driver's I.D.

What happened to all those toads that were in the path yesterday?
 
They are in my pool.

Where is my pool man when I need him - to get the toads out of the pool?
 
He kissed one of the toads and it turned into a princess so they have eloped to get married.

What is the bear doing in my garden?
 
He got bored at my place and figured you'd have better munchies.

Why did you not offer your garden to the Toad Princess for her wedding site, so
they didn't have to elope?
 
Because the toad guests will eat all the beneficial insects and I need them for my vegetable garden.

What happened to all the pennies in my country?
 
There all have acting careers in spoof versions of the Big Bang Theory. (in case you don't know, there is a character called Penny in the Big Bang Theory)


Why didn't you park on the driveway?
 
Because it's a DRIVEway and, it makes no sense to park in a driveway or drive on a PARKway.

Why do I remember that old Gallagher joke?
 
Because you're old enough to remember old Gallagher jokes.

What are you doing with that watermelon?
 
Nothing much. I was gonna put it in the
refrigerator after I move the pickles.
Did you want to carve it?

Who's going to tell the those people down the road to
quit setting off the dynamite?
 
I will, but back me up, there might be a fight.

Why are those people running down the road in fear of me?
 
They heard a rumour that you would be producing, somehow, a new Milli Vanilli album.

Who had the stupid idea of me needing to be up at 6:45 on a Saturday?
 
Last I heard, it was you. I don't know where you got the idea,
but that is hardly my problem. If you don't like the idea, just
go give it back. It was just a loaner, anyway, right?

How much longer are you going to let those boxes sit there?
 
Last edited:
However long those boxes want to sit there. When they're ready, they will move. Don't rush them or they will feel pressured and will stay longer.

Who put that rubbish in my front garden?
 
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