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What's your excuse?

If you hadn't lost your glasses AND the map I gave you,
you could be in Detroit by now. You're probably better
off anyway.

What about that 5 foot snake in the chicken coop?
 
I'll feed it to the coyotes. Or vice versa. Better than trying to find the Coyote Chow.

Where are my glasses?
 
They are either where you left them or someplace else. First it's your glasses, then the map, and now
no Coyote Chow.

Why does everybody expect me to know where their stuff is?
 
It's not everyone, just me and everyone else in the Commonwealth. But not the UK.

Why do I have to be up so early on a Saturday?
 
Flinty said:
It's not everyone, just me and everyone else in the Commonwealth. But not the UK.

Why do I have to be up so early on a Saturday?
Click to expand...

because you promised to help me build a nuclear missle

why can't I find my box of plutonium?
 
I needed it to generate the 1.21GW I need for my flux capacitor.

Why can't I get my Skoda to make 88mph?
 
(Googles "skoda")
Because you forgot to disengage the parking break.

If time is relative then why won't she come over for dinner?
 
You might have mild heatstroke.
Start drinking more water and you will remember to breathe.

(That wasn't what anybody would call a knee slapper/funny excuse, but
at times I notice that I have to think about breathing and
that is a less than useful circumstance. Thus, the small PSA.):)

Why is your garden so much nicer than mine?
 
Last edited:
Because the grass is always greener on the other side.

Why are you standing on your head?
 
Some days that's the only way I can keep it from floating off.

Why do you want me to hurry up?
 
Last edited:
Because I can't go anywhere without my glasses.

Why do people keep using the dryer without using the washer first?
 
Because, what's the point of getting your clothes wet if they're just going to end up dry again? You might as well cut to the chase.

Why is your shirt on inside out?
 
To hide the fact it went through the dryer without being washed first.

Why is my car covered in ice?
 
Because you're closest to Antarctica.

Why do I keep hearing a buzzing sound?
 
You're too close to my head.

When will you get the details for the camping trip taken care of?
 
A mere camping trip? Details, schmetails.

Why are there tents pitched in Memorial Park?
 
That's somebody else's camping trip. Long day's journey into night.

Why did you let the dogs out?
 
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