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What's your excuse?

I'm waiting for someone to bring me some pudding.

Why do you keep jumping up and down holding your foot in your hands?
 
The bowl of pudding I was bringing you was so big that it obscured my view of my feet, I tripped over
the cat and he thought I was attacking him, so he slapped me with his paw (but no claws because he's
really not violent toward me) and I jerked away from that and dropped the bowl on my foot, but it's OK
because it was a bowl with a lid...I mean the pudding is still OK. I'm glad it was a round bowl and not a
sharp box. I almost never carry pudding in a box. Unless I put the bowl in a box.

When are you going to stop believing in Santa Claus?
 
What do you mean?...?.. stop believing in....hmmmmm wait a minute, you mean to imply that Santa is not real!!!! ABSURD!!! ABsurd, Absurd.......Oh No, could it be...Oh cruel, cruel world made crueler still by these fictions, these false idols. I am now having an existential, crisis of faith. Oh please no,no, do not let it be soooo.
To answer your question...Now, right bloody now hurumfff. I hope your happy.

Why do you insist on wearing that tophat, the one with the life size engraving of an anorexic eskimo on it, hmmm?
 
Calm down and stop flapping about Santa Claus. Nobody is fooled by all that. You know Santa Claus is real. That was a test question. If you have settled yourself down now, I am sure you can see that is NOT an anorexic eskimo----that is me, sitting on the roof of my house near the chimney. I do that on weekdays, sometimes. (Only some of this is true. I have a house; it has a roof; there is a chimney; some weekdays I do find myself sitting hear the chimney, but only when I am re-tarring the roof. The hat is the major problem. It's hard to describe. It's big. I fit inside it. I didn't want to talk about it earlier because I didn't think anyone would believe me. So I tried to distract you...with that business about being up on the roof.)

What will you say next time those people come to the door wanting to leave pamphlets?
 
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Oh thank Santa for that. I should have known it was a test.

I will offer them a cuppa and talk to them about my beliefs and offer them some reading material and have them watch an introductory slide show.

What will you be wearing to the fancy dress party tonight?
 
We talked about this last week and you know I have that
Two-Headed Shark costume ready, but you didn't say what you were going to wear,
so I don't know really.....

Why haven't you been feeding the turtles regularly, like you promised?
 
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Just because the box doesn't say Turtle Food, doesn't mean it's not turtle food.

Why is this place so dusty?
 
Didn't you know? We have this girl coming to visit – Springfield I think the name is. Or something like that. I thought the dust might make her feel more at home.

Why haven't you returned that book to the Library yet?
 
It's a Talking Book and it would be rude to
send it away while it's still got something to say.

When are you going to stop saving those olive pits?
 
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I quit that a long time ago. Those must be yours.

When are you going to quit acting so crazy?
 
I brushed my hair yesterday. It's not as if anybody would notice.

How about acting like a grown-up, for a change?
 
Cuz I'm only 4yrs old, Wahhhh:cry:


Why is there an odd sock in the fridge?
 
Because I couldn't find a matching pair to put there.

Why haven't you finished my homework yet?
 
Who needs an air conditioner when it's 40 degrees?
Better I should invest in additional over-sized sweatshirts.

Why do you keep looking at me like that?
 
I wasn't really complaining. I just wondered why you kept looking at me
like that. People don't look at me all that much, usually. Because most
of the time, I'm invisible.


Why won't you walk out in the woods with me?
 
Because my dad keeps feeding the coyotes, and he hasn't fed them today, and they're hungry.

Why is it so cold today?
 
Cold? Who said it is cold? 40 degrees is hot!

Why isn't everyone using Celsius?
 
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