What's the point?

[agg1]

I don't get it. Some people made us and now we are alive. Like thanks mom for making me autistic. All my life (and probably many of your live) I've struggled with it. I never felt fully loved nor liked, nobody taught me how not to hate me for my autism. I'm pretty sure that no one will love me truly. I'm tired of being on the wrong planet on which everything is cold and weird and hard. I'm tired of playing my socially accetable role. So I am asking. What's the point of being born autistic, just to suffer? to hear like all your family tells you that you will never achieve something, to be laughed at on the streets of your hometown?

 

[BrokenBoy]

I feel the same. I've been trying to accept my disease. Having ASD makes me question if I'm even "alive". Am I just a fake "life" like an android?

 

[Mary Terry]

There are many people on this website who have learned to embrace being on the spectrum, recognize that it does bring benefits that NTs will never understand, and find acceptance of themselves which, I think, in turn brings acceptance by the rest of the world. Everyone, regardless of their neuro status, has flaws, no one is perfect, and everyone struggles with certain things at specific times and struggle with other things for their entire lives.

You can make your own life good despite whatever curveballs were thrown at you at birth because ultimately you are in charge of how you feel about being on the spectrum. It doesn't matter how others think - it is all about how you feel about yourself. We all need to love and accept ourselves for who and what we are.

 

[Judge]

So I am asking. What's the point of being born autistic, just to suffer?

Over the years, a lot of posters have asked this question. I can only speculate over such a question in a "cosmic" way. What I call the "Big Picture".

Where you could ask the same of the homeless man on the street collecting money from bystanders. Or the quadriplegic person you see in a wheelchair. Or a wealthy celebrity with a substance abuse problem and a string of failed marriages who kills themselves.

The point? Spiritual enlightenment. Particularly if our real (primary) existence is elsewhere as an eternal soul. Where the only way to experience and profit from the ups and downs of a mortal life is to leave that primary plane of existence for this temporary one. Where everything can- and does go wrong. -By design.

 

[Ezra]

I often get by with knowing that things could be worse. That there are others in worse situations I would not want to trade places with.

"I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet" - Helen Keller

 

[Aspychata]

It's truly confusing. Are we suppose to be happy in our misery? Would a perfect life of love and acceptance be truly boring? Would we crave to know the dark side and search it out? What truly is Zen? Knowing somebody suffers more than l do? As l have aged, the question becomes harder to answer but l do stand stronger in my belief system and my boundaries are steadfast.

 

[Mia]

What's the point of being born autistic, just to suffer? to hear like all your family tells you that you will never achieve something, to be laughed at on the streets of your hometown?

My family told me something similar when I was young, and no one knew about autism back then, they just didn't like me. That statement has quite a lot to do with how they think about themselves, and has less to do with you in reality.
I left my hometown, and moved to a city where I worked, put myself through school, met people, and I had fun and I struggled and made friends and did all kinds of things. Eventually I met someone who is also an aspie and we married. That's my life, which I created by myself. I have the family I wanted, the life I wanted. You do get to choose and make your own way in the world if you have the capacity to do so.

 

[Aspychata]

My family told me something similar when I was young, and no one knew about autism back then, they just didn't like me. That statement has quite a lot to do with how they think about themselves, and has less to do with you in reality.
I left my hometown, and moved to a city where I worked, put myself through school, met people, and I had fun and I struggled and made friends and did all kinds of things. Eventually I met someone who is also an aspie and we married. That's my life, which I created by myself. I have the family I wanted, the life I wanted. You do get to choose and make your own way in the world if you have the capacity to do so.

Mia proved there are success stories here.

 

[SusanLR]

Are we suppose to be happy in our misery? Would a perfect life of love and acceptance be truly boring? Would we crave to know the dark side and search it out?

I've always contemplated these unknown questions also.
Did I have free will and choose to be born? Existing before in a different plane of perhaps Utopia?
I don't know.

Life is like the blink of an eye.
Nothing on the density we call physical lasts forever. Everything in the Universe we can see within
the spectrum of our eye's vision will someday be gone.
Where did it come from and where does it go?
If I DO know, it is hidden from me in my knowledge of this life.

People have thought upon these questions since the beginning of the human race.
I believe there is some type of spiritual reason for it, but, that is all I can say I believe.
I've always wished I hadn't been born to this life.
But, was there a sense of self prior to and will there be a sense of self after?
The point ?????????????????
Yeah, BIG question!

 

[Aspychata]

I've always contemplated these unknown questions also.
Did I have free will and choose to be born? Existing before in a different plane of perhaps Utopia?
I don't know.

Life is like the blink of an eye.
Nothing on the density we call physical lasts forever. Everything in the Universe we can see within
the spectrum of our eye's vision will someday be gone.
Where did it come from and where does it go?
If I DO know, it is hidden from me in my knowledge of this life.

People have thought upon these questions since the beginning of the human race.
I believe there is some type of spiritual reason for it, but, that is all I can say I believe.
I've always wished I hadn't been born to this life.
But, was there a sense of self prior to and will there be a sense of self after?
The point ?????????????????
Yeah, BIG question!

Truthfully l wonder if there is even a spiritual aspect. Because look at the amount of people that are dead spiritually. The great leaders of society have awoken the masses to act passionately but not necessarily spiritually. So my point is that everything can be primed to numbers and therefore spiritually is a nice way to explain life and death but that's all it is- a nice way to explain life and death in a comforting way for something that is truly unexplainable. In fact to me, spiritually, specifically religion, explains the misery, death, illiness, famine, etc. That's why it's actually needed. And this is why l support religion and tradition in the hope that it gives people. Because the other hard truth is nothing. Nothing begets nothing except a cinnamon roll for me. Lol

 

[Els]

I promised myself that if nobody was able to accept me, I'll be the one doing that.

 

[Aspychata]

I promised myself that if nobody was able to accept me, I'll be the one doing that.

Yes, acceptance of us is super important. That's why l call this a church of us. It's acceptance of us and our beliefs and thoughts that are unique to us without too much judgement.

 

[Matthias]

I've found that most of the suffering many autistic people experience is due to secondary problems like parents not meeting emotional needs, negative thinking patterns, and not learning how to understand emotions. I never felt fully loved nor liked when I was younger because my parents didn't talk about emotions, didn't help me process my feelings, or discuss why I felt upset. That never feeling loved is not due to autism. It's often due to the childhood emotional neglect I described above which is separate from autism. There are many autistic people who felt their parents loved them and that other people like them.

I created a blog on this forum to help people understand and overcome those secondary issues. You can click below (or click BLOGS on the top left of this forum) to learn more:
How I overcame problems associated with autism

 

[AprilR]

I have changed my thinking to "I don't suck, the world does" but it happened gradually of course.
Like the poster have said, emotional neglect and your family failing to meet your needs is the real problem i think. If you are constantly belittled, insulted and being treated like you are a worthless person it is hard to like yourself. It will be hard to like yourself even if you meet someone who truly accepts you.
That's why i think it is best to accept yourself and treat yourself like you would someone you love. Even if you don't love yourself when you pretend you do, you can transform yourself.

 

[Matthias]

I have changed my thinking to "I don't suck, the world does" but it happened gradually of course.

I went from thinking I was the problem when I was a child to thinking it's not me, it's the world that's the problem. What I learned last year and wish people could see is it's neither. Most of the problems I had are the same as what many people here talk about and they were due to misunderstandings. The world isn't nearly as bad as most people here think it is. I created my guide in the hope that other people can see what I discovered last year.

 

[Thinx]

I appreciate that. Sometimes it seems like most people want me to go away. If I had known what people thought before I signed up, I would have picked a different username and explained things differently.

I think the difficulty is that you are generalising your own experience to all with autism, and also that you are trying to help others but without understanding how. Slow down. We don't need you to explain anything to us.

You've called your blog the Ultimate guide to Autism, for goodness sake, but based on how you have presented yourself here, you need to ask yourself if you know enough and have consulted enough with others to be able to claim such a title.

Honestly based on what you have said so far you could benefit from just hanging out and learning from others here, there's plenty of wise and interesting things said, just relax and stop fretting about trying to explain stuff to people

 

[Aspychata]

Once you declare yourself the Ultimate anything- you will be attacked. I like to listen to those who wear moccasins and whisper softly.

 

[PastelPetals]

Well I have no idea of the point and up until semi-recently I felt similar to you. I now realize that view helps nor changes anything. It instead leaves you stuck in hatred. I now see "the point" as moving the world forward in some way. Not really a big way but if you think "the point" is to move things forward then you can't sit around and veer into nihilism for two reasons. 1. If the point is to move things forward then there can't be no point 2. It would violate my values to think that way. I have no religious or spiritual beliefs but I belive at the very least that no matter what I do or where I am life still moves. A prime motivator for this thinking is not wanting anyone else to feel like I did (or do). I am autistic and I can't just change that. I can mask to an extent I can learn way to cope but I will still be autistic. The burden of other people bigotry and unwillingness to accept that often falls upon my shoulders when it should not. I used to think I was just bad as a person until a realized when I am alone without people I am pretty much ok. Nobody can judge me or confuse me when I am alone. The world can not deal with us not the other way around. At the very least my point can be writing about how I feel so that others can understand. Depending on the day my communication skills fluctuate so on days where my head foggs up I can learn at least.

Many if not most are never taught to love who we are even if we are never taught to hate "autism" as a concept we learn we are bad for saying this or doing that or not saying enough or not having enough friends or not acting "the right way" around others. No matter the words used the feedback can still hurt, even more considering many times we don't even know what is causing the negative responce just that it's happening.

Often when the majority of the world rejects us it can be seen by us as a sad truth not a misunderstanding by the world. It is. It takes a long time to even think this way and I still hate myself sometimes even today I was having trouble speaking. I have two types of trouble one where my mind goes blank and one where my mouth does not work well...sometimes it's both but today it was my mouth not my head so I knew what to say I just could not say it. My dad was getting upset and I started to get mad at myself. But I realized he was getting upset at the miscommunication and me secondarily. It is hard to realize that many people will just not understand you but that does not mean nobody will. (hence this forum)

 

[Pillar]

I don't get it. Some people made us and now we are alive. Like thanks mom for making me autistic. All my life (and probably many of your live) I've struggled with it. I never felt fully loved nor liked, nobody taught me how not to hate me for my autism. I'm pretty sure that no one will love me truly. I'm tired of being on the wrong planet on which everything is cold and weird and hard. I'm tired of playing my socially accetable role. So I am asking. What's the point of being born autistic, just to suffer? to hear like all your family tells you that you will never achieve something, to be laughed at on the streets of your hometown?

You may want to view autism as a disorder rather than something that completely takes over your life...
I recommend focusing on your strengths and primarily on your wishes and desires. Put focus on those, and you will have the best life possible!

 

[Matthias]

I think the difficulty is that you are generalising your own experience to all with autism, and also that you are trying to help others but without understanding how. Slow down. We don't need you to explain anything to us.

You've called your blog the Ultimate guide to Autism, for goodness sake, but based on how you have presented yourself here, you need to ask yourself if you know enough and have consulted enough with others to be able to claim such a title.

Honestly based on what you have said so far you could benefit from just hanging out and learning from others here, there's plenty of wise and interesting things said, just relax and stop fretting about trying to explain stuff to people

Thanks for explaining. I see why the name of the blog is problematic. I changed it to be less arrogant and better reflect what it's about. As far as generalising my own experience to all with autism, that was never my intention. I even started a thread a couple weeks ago to explain I may have been diagnosed with autism because I was born with autistic traits and developed depression and social anxiety when I was a toddler and that my experience may only apply to others in the same situation. As far as not understanding, I studied autism for years and I've read numerous posts on this forum (including before I signed up) that explain the same thing I experienced my entire life until recently. I blamed myself for awhile, then blamed other people (like many here) but I've learned that my problems were due to "misunderstandings" (which I see posted on here frequently) and I don't expect anyone to agree with me (I angrily rejected what I now know to be true when someone told me about it. I had to just try it and it worked) so I'm just trying to show how what worked for me may be possible in the hope others will try it. I know it can help others because everything that helped me has been proven effective in scientific studies.