What's the difference between love and in love?

[Catlover614]

At 44 years old, I am ashamed to say that I have not been in love with anyone nor have I experienced someone in love with me. I love people. I love animals. I love God. I love nature and all sorts of food, music,etc. But have never had that intimate connection with a person where I am head over heals in love with them. Why can't I feel that bond? Am I ugly? Am I just too weird? How does one KNOW they are truly IN LOVE?

 

[midlife aspie]

I'm still trying to figure this out. I scare myself sometimes with this, especially as a parent. I've been told that I am not 'bonding' with my kids. I'm trying my best, but it's hard for me not to see responsibility first and child second. Emotional bonding has always been a challenge for me, as 'out of sight, out of mind' is very applicable to me. I can say, however, that I did indeed fall madly in love once, but like a fool, I let her go. Thinking about my wife (now and past) has never had the same effect. I guess the easiest way for me to explain it is when the thought of someone gets to be like that catchy song that you can never get out of your head (in a good way), you might be in love! Especially if you follow up such thoughts with things you almost never do for anyone else!

 

[zurb]

"Love" is what you do.
"In Love" is a feeling which comes and goes, otherwise known as "infatuation".

 

[hiraeth]

Honestly the way that I "figured out" that "being in love" isn't a thing that I do is by taking the same obsessive intensity of a special interest and trying to fit its target to be the concept of (not any specific one) a human I know personally rather than a topic of interest. And finding immediately that the idea seems unnatural and uncomfortable to me.