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What would you want in a dating site?

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Pandorum

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I'll admit, I've tried a few dating sites and had little luck with them, so I tried to find one more focused on Aspergers or Autism. Obviously, finding one is next to impossible.

I thought to myself, why not try to create one?

So I've come to my fellow Aspies for some help. If you were to use a dating site focused on people with Aspergers, what type of features would you want it to have?
 
As nice as your idea is, don't forget about legal issues. Keeping people information confidential. How are you going to handle issues when someone gets harassed and many other issues? If you willing to address all of this issues, people safety and stuff, then I say it is OK to go with your idea.
 
The Penguin said:
Keeping people information confidential. How are you going to handle issues when someone gets harassed and many other issues? If you willing to address all of this issues, people safety and stuff
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Good question. Plan is to ask as little personal information as possible and let people enter only what they want and allow people to easily block people and even disable receiving messages from people they haven't interacted with.
 
Don't forget web security is highly important. Websites gets hacked all the time. It's important to find a developer that follows good software development practices. I'm a software developer myself. Also note developing software is very expensive. You might be able to find an existing product to use, but you still will have the expense using that product plus your website fees to keep your site up.

You need to consider how much staff you need to run this site. I think you should start doing research on how existing dating sites work. I will stress again to seek legal advice otherwise you might encounter a can of worms you have never expected and you will need to know how to handle that situation.
 
Pandorum, what a wonderful idea! I love your initiative, courage, and creativity. Here's what might help:
Photos of course, so the ability to upload photos to a profile would be good. Next, an area where "Likes" and "Dislikes" can be added. Some of us quieter folks like to hang out with others who avoid chaotic situations, but the few stimuli-driven thrill-seekers on the spectrum would probably like to find others who are the same. An area indicating how much alone-time someone needs, and if the person like handholding/hugs/etc. might help, too. Anyway, I wish you much success going forward! You really have courage and a great idea!:)
 
Another thing I add, who ever host your website, you need to find out with the terms of the agreement if they allow hosting a dating website. Many web host providers don't allow this as they don't like dealing with legal issues that happens with dating sites.
 
The thing I'd like to see on a datingwebsite, regardless on whether it deals with aspies; at least have some way to see if people are real and not fake profiles. Added in that IF you deal with aspies, some are really gullible and would fall for the simpelest scams with fake profiles and such. Legally it might be a mess, but the amount of fake profiles on dating websites is astounding.

Perhaps some kind of indication when someone was last active. I run into too many profiles that haven't been active for months or years, which kinda makes it irrelevant to even contact someone, since they probably moved on. Heck; one could even send a reminder every once in a while to check in and update information. It's not an obligation I reckon, but perhaps some people would find it easier to look after it if they'd be reminded (perhaps especially aspies since you know, we can get lost in our own worlds a bit).

I've found that aspies and dating is tricky in that they often have problems talking about themselves in a way that appeals to others. Writing a short paragraph about yourself seems hard for some (and not just aspies). Perhaps some kind of aide in that. Or maybe even a more extensive form one fills out that goes beyond; religion, etnicity, the desire to have kids. Probably a few more aspie related things like physical contact and sexuality (since you know; looking for someone, especially with online dating where you judge on pictures for a big part, only to find out someone you're talking to a romantic asexual, but you actually had hopes to get frisky eventually will lead to disappointment). In worst case the option "ask me" could be checked which might open dialogue.

A site with a fair price point. I know that setting things up for cheap or free can't be done anymore. But at the rates most dating sites operate nowadays it's a bit crazy IMO. Perhaps premium should have interesting perks, but should in no way have perks that otherwise make the site nigh unusable (example; on one of these sites I once was one, you could not send messages if you weren't premium. How am I supposed to hook up? Look at the merchandise on the site and decide "if I wanna take a shot, I better sign up and pay up"? It kinda takes away any userfriendly atmosphere. I'd rather see an option to support an initiative, rather than a commercially driven site like that.

Oh, and I'd like a website that's properly maintained. Recently I checked out Aspieaffection. Yeah... that's a showcase of poor maintenance, lol.

I can probably come up with more, things that don't deal with the IT part, but probably more the practical notions and issues I've run into as an aspie who ends up on such websites frequently.
 
Are NT's welcome? (Even if they are grumpy.)

I had been someone who came here for the info then I thought "Hey, I might be an Aspie" after reading some posts. But I ended up testing negative - boo. :rolleyes:

Maybe, a place like this site has that says if you might be an Aspie or are "officially" an Aspie with a diagnosis. And maybe having the person take the Aspie test first (kinda like Eharmony makes you answer all those questions) and put the results on their bio. Knowing what I know now, if I was Aspie, I certainly would want to know if someone was really an Aspie or an NT in Aspie clothing (sheeps clothing as the saying goes) - that is if NT's would be welcome. :confused:

image.jpg
 
nurseangela said:
Maybe, a place like this site has that says if you might be an Aspie or are "officially" an Aspie with a diagnosis. And maybe having the person take the Aspie test first (kinda like Eharmony makes you answer all those questions) and put the results on their bio. Knowing what I know now, if I was Aspie, I certainly would want to know if someone was really an Aspie or an NT in Aspie clothing (sheeps clothing as the saying goes) - that is if NT's would be welcome. :confused:
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I know Plenty of fish has tests like that going on, but they're not mandatory, yet if you take them it gives you a it of an overview of someones personality I guess.

The thing with testing, especially testing online, is that's not really reliable. People could even fake answers if they're just out for some good ol' catfishing. Besides; not all aspies are alike. And that might create a weird consensus. I mean, most aspies are pretty quiet introverted people if I have to judge on what I hear; however, there are a few...

So I'm not sure if aspieness in itself is always the best indicator.
 
I'm not sure about your idea? please forgive me? but...... if I may share? I already loved OK cupid..... OKC creative questions, (questions by users) comments section next to the questions. forums, message boards. OKC was super awesome til they took out the Journal posts! then, the interaction really ceased to be a entertaining community! There was "trusted" trophy awards and stuff. I'm not sure it was a good thing or not. I think it helped understand who was active users, who was "real" vs. fake! Also, the users vote/flag inappropriate stuff in moderation, so it takes care of itself, kind of. Less you have to pay the actual website workers, when you have free concerned citizens volunteering to do the work for the community.
Not sure how grand it was. You are correct! I am naive.I am too much very afraid of people trying to take advantage of me! I never did step foot out of the house to meet someone. Although, I Did see all my real life friendly faces there. Maybe one will approach me yet.

KING ONI
Besides; not all aspies are alike. And that might create a weird consensus. I mean, most aspies are pretty quiet introverted people if I have to judge on what I hear; however, there are a few...
(not sure how Aspie I am) I LOVE to flirt.......I think? ...... I am great happy silly fun!!!!! I love to play! It could often be mistaken for flirting. maybe it is? flirting? as long as people don't mind the lack of eye contact, eheh, mistaken for shy, i guess. I used to work in a , ah, social contact , office setting,. ah never mind. Personally, I like the idea of mingling with the NTs as grumpy cat says.

What is the statistics? numbers, rate of Aspergers? % ? Is it diagnosed like Autism? so, expect to find 75% men, only 25% women? I'm bisexual. Sometimes, well, ahem, mostly, I would consider compatible women on the websites. (I see lots of common men at the grocery store.) GLBT community is , what, 3% of the general population? what % of that small number identifies as Aspie?

I am not sure there are enough women for all............

PS.
one of my favorite OKC questions is
"Would you rather date......
a. The lead singer (celebrity)
b. the guitarist (good with hands)
c. Drummer (he has great rhythm)
d. DJ or another fan

some of it totally irrelevant, just off the wall, funny stuff,. some of it serious.
 
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No flashing ads and the user pics kept small. Also, as few faces as possible outside of the search engine.

OK Cupid does have some fun quizzes though. I spent more time goofing off with those than chatting with people back before I married.
 
I'd like to see the interests of other people, a section like 'describe your life in pictures', the typical info of that kind of sites, and smart girls.
 
heh heh Yes...... I did spend a lot of time goofing off on OKC. Stay and Play? maybe was the idea, play with friends, become more than friends?

How about a nice gimmick? LADIES FREE, men must pay?
More ladies sign up? yes????? : )
 
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hehhehe maybe. isn't that what the women always say? ; ) in like, modern times?
did the other websites already try that gimmick? anyway?


hey. mister. Maybe the ladies can pay equal when they earn equal pay, not just 74 cents to every man dollar? ; )
Maybe I'm just playing? You know I love you all!
 
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Suiseiseki said:
Yeah but it wouldn't work because of the fact there is far more AS men then women and women aren't just gonna...seek a man with AS out, why in god's name would they (especially if she didn't have AS)
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I guess it up to her what kinda of man she wants. Still, I just wanted to express my view just like you did after when you saw the comment I wrote. I know sometimes it old fashion a man pays everything for woman. I don't agree with that at all. Nor I don't approve a man seeking a woman to pay for everything. But these are just may values. I don't expect everyone to agree with me.
 
This isn't about values its about successful business, a dating site for hetero's kind of needs intensive for women to join, its easy to get men to join.
 
Suiseiseki said:
This isn't about values its about successful business, a dating site for hetero's kind of needs intensive for women to join, its easy to get men to join.
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I get that. I don't want to debate who should pay for what. But the OP does need to figure it out.

I going to use AC as an example. This site is free but have ads. This is standard for many sites. But if you pay a small fee, you don't have to see any ads. This could be another route the OP could consider. Though some how the OP needs to get a enough users and work out why should someone pay to use the site?
 
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I used to believe in going Dutch but after reading some books about the subject, I now think that men should pay for every date. There's nothing wrong with a "special" date where I would do something for my "hunny" like a nice home cooked meal, but I do think things are better the "old fashioned" way like they have always been (except for the last 20 yrs or so). The books say that in the traditional roles a guy is made to feel more manly and a girl more feminine. Men and women aren't supposed to be equal in all things. And a woman is supposed to let the man open doors for her and pull out her chair at the table. That is good traditional etiquette. It's too bad things have changed so much.

When it comes to a dating site, what I look for is if the man pays the extra to be able to contact me. If he is not wanting to spend the extra money to find me then I'm already not worth the effort.

And if my "hunny" happened to be Aspie and he was my "sweetie" then that would be fine with me. I would hope people don't choose a "hunny" just because that person is an NT or an Aspie. They both have good qualities. It's the person underneath that matters. :)
 
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