What to do when an asperger does not accept the diagnosis.

[hmbradiologia]

After two separations from my wife and undergoing a depression treatment I ended up making the diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome in her. Despite having commented to her that it was one of the misunderstandings in our relationship she does not believe and thinks I'm talking about it because of my depression whenever I talk to her about it. Now that we understand each other I do not know if I leave aside the diagnosis and take life as we always carry in happy moments ...
some advice?

 

[Keigan]

Nobody enjoys being categorized, so don't be surprised if she is not exactly pleased.

Understand is good, understanding and acceptance is what most people want - not categorization.

 

[Judge]

There was once a time when if someone outside the medical service field without an MD would have implied I was on the spectrum of autism I would have likely laughed at them.

Self-awareness of ASD was a long and somewhat painful road to travel to conclude all on my own that I am on the spectrum. A road strewn with emotional potholes and plenty of denial in the process.

Under those circumstances, why should she believe you? Far easier for her to simply rationalize that you are attempting to leverage the relationship citing there's something pathologically wrong with her.

Forms of autism may make us different, but not necessarily deficient.

 

[Alaska]

A man that I was interested in told me that he was an Aspie and that he thought I was also an Aspie.

I knew very little about Aspies at the time. I feared that being an Aspie would cause him to act violently towards me. I did not appreciate him telling me that he thought I was an Aspie either. All that scared me away from him.

I'd say from the female perspective that persisting with telling your diagnosis of her to your wife could be hazardous to your relationship.

Maybe you can get someone else to convince her? Better yet, maybe you can talk to a counselor about how to deal with your problem. You might want to seek someone knowledgeable about Autism.

 

[Suzanne]

I am sure that if my husband had said to me that he thinks I have aspergers, I would have reacted with denial, but because it was me who discovered aspergers, it was like waking up and getting to know who I am, so, I suggest that you do it very subtly with your wife, because in her mind, she probably sees it as classic autism and will recoil.

You could try making a joke about her obsessions or , how did you know that it is called stimming when you do those funny jerking movements etc etc?

She has to sense there is no shame attached and then, will come around to thinking about it.

 

[Momo]

Perhaps have someone else tell her? If you don't I'm afraid there might be an explosion of not so fantastic drama. I myself, wouldn't have cared if someone told me they thought I was autistic, I kind of guessed something was off my whole life and my closest friend in primary school was autistic, so I've always had a very positive image of them. Maybe improve your wife's image of autism, then allow someone to talk her into it.

 

[Streetwise]

 

[OkRad]

Aspergers itself is not even in the DSM anymore, other than to say it should be classified as autism now. However, to get the Dx of autism is not like it used to be. Just because someone is not NT does not make them Aspie.

If she has not gone through the hours long process of official current diagnostic testing, then you may want to re evaluate the idea that she has Aspergers. Everyone who is odd is now being diagnosed by friends, family, and colleagues etc . Yet on the other hand, everyone is still sending and receiving the message :"Swim against the Flow" "Be yourself" "It's OK to be Different!"

It is OK until your oddities annoy your spouse or friends and then suddenly you have Aspergers, when in reality maybe you don't. Maybe you are just Swimming Against the Flow!