What did you feel when a Special Interest ended?

[Persevero]

This is a special thread where I'd like you to reply to the subject without reading the rest of this post.

Done replying?

Almost a decade ago I was heavily addicted to a game called Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. Even though I was average at best, I watched tons of vids and replays of the world's best players, participated in 3 different online communities that discussed the game, constantly tried to make up my own strategies and predict where the metagame was going, etc. It was interfering with my studies and the little social life I had - it was rare for me to avoid social encounters, but very often I would just sort of "phase out" to mentally focus on the game again. Then the communities started to die down, newer games came out and I was forcing myself to focus more on my studies. The game was almost replaced with another one (Dawn of War I), but for a variety of reasons (including depression) it didn't grip me as hard.

It came to a complete stop when Dawn of War II came out. I hated the game. They changed almost all of what I liked about the first one. Ironically I would have probably liked it as a side thing if it weren't called "Dawn of War II". But it was. At the time this killed my enthusiasm for games of the genre.

Anybody who's seen my posts in the entertainment forum may know I still play and prefer strategy games. But the passion is a fragment of what it was, and nothing in my adult life has managed to bring that sort of passion back. There are plenty of things I like doing, but I don't obsess over them. On the plus side I'm usually a lot more attentive in social situations now and have "replaced" the obsession with what I consider to be useful hobbies: Reading into interesting articles and doing more exercise, for example.

Yet when that enthusiasm ended, it ended hard. I didn't know what to do with myself. I had all this free time and free space in my mind that I could be using but didn't. I just loafed around the house feeling empty and possibly further depressed than what I already was (it was hard to tell) and I wasn't engaging more with people than before (that took a while). I spent a lot of time on filler activities, like "information binges" and told myself I'd actually do something when I felt entertained, which never really happened.

Now I have heard this described as a "hangover" and "a part of growing up". But I know a lot of adults who have passions, who live for their hobbies. The luckiest of them even get paid for indulging in their interest as a job!

There are a lot of symptoms I don't share with most ASD folks, like hypersensitivities and stims. I want to know in what ways my "hangover" is different from your special interest being taken away from you.

Underlined what's actually important in the post as a summary.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I've never had a special interest end in such an abrupt manner.
I have, however, been prevented from following certain special interests.
For example, I am obsessed with dogs, especially pitbulls, since they are discriminated against and misunderstood, and that reminds me of the more difficult aspects of being ASD. Also, the personality of pitbulls fits well with mine.
However, the family member I live with won't let me get a dog. And many landlords won't let anyone have a pitbull. So I am prevented from acting on this particular interest. But it is still an interest of mine. I am also obsessed with babies and one year olds. I understand them really well. But I have only intermittently been able to care for any, as a professional Caregiver or Nanny. The social problems I repeatedly have with other adults have caused problems in my preferred career of Infant/Toddler caregiver, and forced me to lose a past job. It is also unlikely I will ever be married and thus become a parent. But I remain fascinated by the psychology of that age group.
So I am often prevented from following certain special interests. But my interest in them remains. I can still learn about them, and that keeps my energy going.
I think that if I lost all interest in them, and in my two other interests (which I will not mention here) and nothing replaced these, nothing that I felt as passionately about, I would feel bore, bored, bored, and listless, with no energy. That actually did happen to me once, almost five years ago, when something was ripped from me.

 

[Sheogorath]

Life is frustrating and stressful for me. And hobbies or special interests (in the Netherlands, you call Asperger related obssesive interests "fieps") were a great way for me to relax. It gave me something to do and I was distracted for a while from everything that made me sad. So whenever one of these interests faded away (or ended in an abrupt manner), I felt miserable. But often it is just a matter of days/weeks before I find something new to keep me busy. Especially since I tend to look for it.

 

[On the Inside]

Not to be judgmental, but maybe it has to do with the effects of excessive gaming. I would imagine it being quite disorienting to spend so much time in virtual space, then stop.

I was once obsessive about alpine skiing. Thought about it all the time, skied as much as I could from age 13 until 22 or so. I worked in the industry, and my free time and money went to feed the beast. Then I found some other interests and while I still skied, it didn't have the same magic it once had. Never felt like a hangover though.

But I understand how you feel like the activities you've tried to replace that with don't have the same soul capturing effect. The closest I've come to that feeling has been some near-addictions I've courted.

Might just be that you're growing up.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Playing by the rules...replying before reading.

When a special interest ends, I usually feel depressed and lost, out of sorts, and without any sense of direction or motivation. I'm not sure if depression ends the special interest, or if the ending of the special interest brings on depression.

********

So now that I've read the thread, lol...

I can think of times when depression has hit so suddenly that I lost all interest in much of anything. But to have a special interest taken away for other reasons...hmmm. At the beginning of this year, I developed a special interest in hiking. Spent a lot of time hiking and researching trails and gear and so on. There's a large park sort of close by that I go hiking at, and because it was winter, I would often leave the trails and go hiking through the woods just to see what I could find. When spring hit and the underbrush grew in and snakes came out, and at the same time my work schedule no longer permitted my taking that much time away during daylight hours, it was rough for a little while. I would feel a little panicky when I realized that hiking wouldn't be the sanctuary it had been during the cold months when so few people were at the park. But it wasn't something that occupied hours of every day for me, so not quite as big of a difference in my daily routine as your transition.

I went hiking again today, though...just for a little while, but it was so nice to have the underbrush dying out again and fewer people around. I might pick it back up again for the winter.

 

[Persevero]

On the Inside: It never felt like a hangover, the term "hangover" was used because it was about the effects of the obsession coming to an end, and the ensuing fallout. Also you didn't play by the rules!

 

[Jasper FIelds]

I feel a sense of grief. My Special Interests are apart of my identity. They were at times a way that I would reach out to others that had a similar interest.

****Okay - Now that I have read the thread***
There is a part of me that needs to really understand something. If I need to buy a laptop it will take me 6mo or more because I have to consider all the options, understand the features, understand and consider my needs, find the right deal, make sure I trust who I am buying from, read through 10K reviews.... So my special interests fill this drive for me to understand something completely and get good at it. If one interest goes away and another comes along, this aspect moves with it. My grief is really about my identity and deeper connection to my interest. That part is painful.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I'm still trying to figure out why I have to reply first then read your post. (I cheated)

I had this one video gave that I played when the Sega Genesis system was out - remember those? Anyway it was a virtual reality where you tried to solve things while a whole story was taking place - I mean the game did time of night and day, weather was different, all of that stuff. Thing is you always had full control of what the guy did so it was like what I believe Second Life would be. I got addicted. I eventually solved the game, but it took me several months. I really missed it once it was done - like a part of my life was over and couldn't be filled again. I guess you could play the game again, but it wouldn't feel the same.

This is the strange thing. That had to be at least 15 yrs since I played it. Right now my life is extremely sucky and for some reason that game has popped up in my mind several times. I keep thinking about it and wish I was back in that game. I'm thinking that's because I wish I wasn't living my life at this moment. That's why I probably shouldn't play Second Life because I would get addicted and may not want to leave it.

 

[Graelwyn]

I usually feel at a loss, depressed, floundering in the empty space where the interest was, and really anxious to find a new one, but sometimes that does not happen right away, or I will have a series of intense, but short lived interests that do not provide the same escape and relief from life that my main interests have. Whenever I try to get back into certain special interests, I find that the sense of joy and escape has gone which is always disappointing. It is as if there is just a nothingness there when a main special interest goes and I feel all the negative emotions more acutely.

 

[Persevero]

nurseangela: It's so your description of your experience isn't affected by mine. So you won't use phrases like "feeling empty" and talk about passion without it coming out of your own mind.

For example, DogwoodTree's description is pretty similar to mine, but only because the experience of withdrawal was in fact similar!

 

[On the Inside]

Sorry, rules are like instructions for me, ignored unless needed at the bitter end.

I'll try again.

Usually I have replaced my intense interests with something else before I realize I am less interested in the old one. But there is a sense of loss or regret long term, because my intense interests are often accompanied by a fantasy scenario of how said interest could change my life.

I am nearing the end of a long and difficult intense interest that has led to a career, and now that the interest is fading, I fear I might have to have a career change. Trouble is, I feel like I am unemployable in any other field.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

nurseangela: It's so your description of your experience isn't affected by mine. So you won't use phrases like "feeling empty" and talk about passion without it coming out of your own mind.

For example, DogwoodTree's description is pretty similar to mine, but only because the experience of withdrawal was in fact similar!

I would think that everyone would pretty much have the same feelings of loss because it's something you loved and it ended with no way of getting it back. It's the grieving process.

 

[Flinty]

If a special interest of mine ended, it was because I found a new interest. So, nothing special.

 

[fuzz]

Hi

Ok then. I usually have a feeling of satisfaction. The interest no longer serves the purpose, in the same way, as it once did.

I usually have many new avenues of interest to explore.

 

[Progster]

I once had a special interest end abruptly and beyond my control and I experienced a strong feeling of grief. I have mostly overcome it now, but if I'm browsing and I come across something that reminds me of it, it triggers the feeling of grief again.

 

[Soup]

I wondered what the hell I had found so interesting about it in the first place.