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Featured What are the hurtful things that friends and family have told you?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Ursus Chainus, Nov 15, 2020.

  1. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Most people do not get depression and have no idea what it is. Like "are you sad?" or "don't be down, things are much better than they seem!". They try to cheer me up because the depression is simply not comfortable to them. They don't understand that it is an energy thing... I simply have no energy to deal with stuff! Trying to cheer me up is like saying what I am feeling now does not matter (even if they have the best intentions). They cannot give me their energy and I would not take it if I could because I am not an energy vampire. There are only a very few people I can share energy with....

    It is so odd being so different and extreme (even from most aspies) yet seeming so much like an NT to NTs. They certainly cannot read my face though! They get almost nothing from it. I feel like I am showing all of these intense feelings on my face. They do feel my energy though... they just don't know what it is or what it means (nothing, lol).

    The father thing was horrible for me... along with my mother's constant concern about my sexuality... it made me feel like there must be something really wrong with me when I was younger, like I am evil pervert or something. The reality is that I am mostly heart and caring (the total opposite of a sociopath) I seek mutuality in everything I do with others and really wouldn't even know how to lie.

    I am pretty calm until people see my claws (but they always deserve it, lol)!
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2020
  2. LunaticCentruroides

    LunaticCentruroides New Member

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    Agree and agree haha. It's a joke how people view our state of mind. Depression takes over your whole brain and your life and it's not just a mood that disappears tomorrow, but they think it is lol... Especially when it comes to energy it becomes more complicated. Also because we both need to charge our energy more frequently and isolated. If we're depleted, then that's just what it is. Almost no single soul has the ability to give us that energy, except of ppl like us maybe. The crazy thing I experienced sometimes that when other people try to give me their energy I almost feel like intoxicated and even more depleted. And yeah..like you I wouldn't take their dirty energy either lol...


    So people can't read your face? Yes I think people definitely feel the energy, but can't read my face.


    Yeah it's crazy. The way your mother treated you is similar of how my grandmother treated me. It was unbelievable. She almost looked at me if I was a threat for her. Some adult people are just soo confused.. Emotionally ****ed. You're definitely not what your mother said.
     
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  3. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    yep! I have experienced that too with the strange energy and feeling even more drained and almost dizzy with it... like what am I supposed to do with that? It is just easier to self heal. Only the people I share energy with can give energy to me because they have the same type of energy... almost like a blood donor. The right people actually don't give me their energy... they generate energy with me. That helps but isolating is also part of it.

    If I need to isolate to heal or deal... I don't want people to try to get me to hang out because they are afraid of my isolating. It is just how I do it. I have been self healing for half a century now... I know what works for me :D
     
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  4. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Lazy?
    Yeah... they just have it much easier because the world is made for them. Walk in our shoes for a mile!

    To the person who calls you lazy:

    "Oh wait", they ask "where are your shoes?" Sorry... I never was given shoes.
    "Oh wait!", they ask "why is there so much broken glass on the ground?" You never noticed because you always wear shoes.
    "Oh wait!!!" they ask "Why is it so dark? I cannot see my way!!!" Yeah... forgot about that, you were given a flashlight too.....
     
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  5. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Because of my job, l come home and happily isolate. l just need to recharge. The Covid situation has everyone stressed because the job market tanked. People's energy in general is off and nobody knows what to do. And since working at a private club, l am seeing having money isn't much helping these people either.
     
  6. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Been thinking about this one a lot: "It’s your fault your father has problems". Man does that make me angry! Only total jerks say things like that to children (or even adult children). I was made to feel responsible for everyone emotionally because they could not get their "stuff" together. In one of the last conversations I had with my mother when I discussed the difficulties I had because of one of the men she married, she fired back... "my childhood was much worse than yours!"... like having a difficult childhood is some sort of pissing match. Also... I had no responsibility in her childhood... her crappy choice in men was her issue. She was not a responsible parent. Don't get me started on my dad!

    LC, you did not of these things and are none of these things. They robbed you of energy and power but you are building it back up again. Actually... I really have no idea what most of these things mean other than being ways of stealing your energy and power.

    These are stupid words!
     
  7. Jonn

    Jonn Active Member

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    Yes, it would.
    I have been all my life, and it was probably best that I was.
    I wouldn't have been accepted anyway, had I masked.
    That was never going to happen, whatever I did.

    This way, I have developed a profoundly defiant personality that I am rather fond of. :cool:
     
  8. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I am fond of your defiant personality as well :)
     
  9. Jonn

    Jonn Active Member

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    Thanks, Yogi...
     
  10. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    No Problem BooBoo ;)
     
  11. grommet

    grommet Well-Known Member It's My Birthday!

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    My ex-girlfriend said she would not marry me because she didn't want to put my wheelchair in her car after the ceremony. It is one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to me.

    As a boy I was called "Mr. Scientific". That hurt a lot. I was also called in a disapproving voice, 'intense'. Another girlfriend said I had a selective memory, implying I was choosing to forget things.

    In junior high at a dance a girl said to me "You are so weird!" but absolutely to her defense I had just mimicked some behaviour that was wrong. I didn't know how to relate to the other kids so I tried to remember things I saw them do and do them too. Maybe I didn't know when to do them or how to do them properly but I was unpleasant to her and that made her say that. I didn't mean to be unpleasant I just honestly was floundering trying to figure out what to do in a social situation.
     
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  12. phantom

    phantom New Member

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    My mother asked me if i was even human.
     
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  13. zozie

    zozie Active Member

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    Wow, what a thread. For my part, the most harmful thing a person has said to me has been well-intentioned. Kindly meant and ongoing.

    When I was a 13, I was recovering from childhood abuse. I told my mother I needed to go to the psych ward to work myself out, having seen her do the same with positive results. I went to the psych ward, told the doctors I had an abuse history I wanted to work through and they said:

    No one in this place wants to be here. You want to be here so you don't belong here.

    I had to try to commit suicide to get their attention.

    They put me in a residential unit for a few months, and had me on 6x the normal dose of antidepressants for the next 15 years (age 13-28), with constant CBT telling me that my brain was lying to me. It wrecked my life for a long time, and I am just now, at 40, beginning to trust my brain. Have to face the doctors again for my assessment next week, and I will admit that I am terrified. What if history repeats itself?

    It would have been a lot easier, I sometimes think, if I'd heard nasty words from the outset. Then again, perhaps we all think a different kind of abuse would have been easier. I don't mean to invalidate anyone's experience.

    Other hurtful things:

    Too intense
    Purposefully hateful/dismissive/unfeeling
    Scary
    You should be grateful
    I'd leave you for a porn star (ex husband)
    You're too fat to be attractive (also ex husband)
    You're so mean
    Talk too much
    Stupid
    Gullible
    Liar
    She must have tempted him to abuse her (I was 9 and he had pled guilty)
    "How could you not know/see/understand _____?"

    and silence. That one is hurtful, too. No feedback, no information, just nothing.

    But the worst, like I said, is You don't know your own mind. Leave it to the experts.