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Featured What are the hurtful things that friends and family have told you?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Ursus Chainus, Nov 15, 2020.

  1. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It sounds like you deal with things in quite a good way. Not that anger is necessarily a bad thing. It depends on how it is expressed of course.

    I learned about boundaries in a conscious way only in my forties - very late :oops: Prior to that I had been polite, but I didn't really understand things in terms of rights (of others, and rights that I myself held). It was a revelation, I can tell you. So important.

    I think you've done the right thing limiting those people who are boundary busters. Some people just won't be told. It's like they can't help themselves, they have to do the thing you've said you won't accept.
     
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  2. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Oh no. That's awful. Reading that reminded me that I have been called cold before (a bit like 'emotionally unavailable) but only by people who I had terrible relationships. I don't think any of my friends or other people I know have ever called me that.

    Hehe. I tend to think of all people as weird. Mind you, humanity has its good side too. :)
     
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  3. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    Mostly, "You are too stupid to understand." Over and over.
     
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  4. onlything

    onlything Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Frankly, if someone says 'you're too stupid to understand', for me it automatically means that 'they're too stupid to explain the issue properly'.
     
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  5. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    Knew someone who rarely consulted a gp ,when they did, the gp said"not you again" they hadnt consulted them for 20 years!
     
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  6. Trophonius

    Trophonius Well-Known Member

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    Top hurtful things, translated by best of my efforts.

    By my mother:
    - I lost a great abortion having you.
    - You're not normal (repeated weekly, sometimes monthly, and still going).
    - You need to be [insert hundreds of thing here]

    By my grandmother:
    - You're too arrogant, who do you think you are? (repeated weekly, for about twelve years).
    - Other people at your age are married with children, how come you're so behind in life.
    - You're too dumb too learn anything, why your parents bother sending you to school?
    - You don't care about ANYTHING!
    - You're a wasted life
    - You've lived ?? years for nothing.
    - I don't know why you're alive.
    - If you don't like how I run things around here, you're free to leave anytime (I had nowhere else to live back then).

    These come from the top of my head, I'm sure I can think more later — I remember more of them when I'm going through a depressive episode.
     
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  7. jared mills

    jared mills Rookie

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    these two people amongst my friends,one of whom snaps at me over losing a water bottle my mother gave me,then calls me
    afterwards.another person amongst my friends snaps at me me for inadvertently bumping into him & breathing on his food,afterwards he calls me blind,then says to me no one wants to be my friend :( :mad: :angry: :rage:.four days later,I see him at an adult program i met him in,i would've pushed away people like him amongst my friends like any aspie would push theirs away (the friends being their
    about our appearances,being snapped at over every little thing,opposite from people amongst family :( :mad: :angry: :rage:),up to the point where we (aspies)snap back at them,but profanely.
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2020
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  8. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    [/QUOTE]






    What really hurts is when non Christians presume any problem i have is because in their opinion I'm sexually repressed

    and if I converse with a homosexual man, its sickening that they say you are homophobic if you don't want to pursue a promiscuous lifestyle,you have to filter every thought in case youre called homophobic or anti Islam if you support Jews[/QUOTE]
    Sorry for the messy post.
    I c+P posts and answer them as I read.
    Let Non Christians think what they like, no one knows your sexuality but you.
    I'm sure there are homosexual men who are not promiscuous. In this commercialised society even gay-ness has had the "popular in-gay-growd" publicised, clubs, drugs, flamboyance, what about the gay men who are quiet and just get on with thier lives, genuinely.
    Like all walks of life, some gays are insecure and like to be seen as life and soul of party, clubs, drugs etc. Not all of them.
    Be yourself and if people don't like it that is their problem, being around like minded people will find you genuine friends.
     
  9. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I was always called a smart ass (basically a stupid person who thinks they know stuff). It might be accurate though :D
     
  10. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Don't you hate it when you have no freaking idea what made them so angry... and as "NTs" are given to do... they won't tell you what you are doing wrong? Earlier this year, I upset a friend that I adored. Since I am forced to be social in my job... I am constantly monitoring people for what I call a "delta negative" towards me. When I felt it from this friend and got the disapproval face... I asked what was wrong (a total no no for most NTs because they expect our aspie asses to know what we did wrong and stop immediately!)

    I had not talked about being on the spectrum until then and explained my difficulties... that made her even MORE angry. So I apologized with my best understanding of the things I could possibly be doing wrong in the NT world. That made her EVEN MORE angry! Her response was... "I am glad you acknowledge SOME of the things you are doing that annoy me".

    Finally I asked for an accommodation for my "disability" and explained that I need her to be verbal in the work environment so that I can rectify behaviors that are causing issues. We did not talk for months after that.

    basically declaring I was autistic was a way to deflect from all of the horrible things I was doing to annoy her! No way I am autistic because I am "smart"... bwahahahaha! The smartest people on the freaking planet are pretty much all on the spectrum!

    She told me "what was wrong" in non-actionable items. "You are too intense, You are too emotionally invested in me. You are needy and clingy (this is just because I asked her what was wrong... you see, I should KNOW what was wrong! So if I ask, I am being clingy and needy) Of course anybody who has known me well... knows that I am not these things. I am the opposite. It is really hard to keep me in anyone's life because I am so not needy or clingy, lol!)

    Here is what I want to ask... is a blind person being clingy and needy if they grab your arm while crossing the road? Are they being too emotionally invested in you when they ask for your help to steer clear of obstacles? Are they being intense for just not seeing the things you can?

    And to the idea that I can just stop doing the wrong thing and be "normal"... have you ever explained the color blue to a blind person?

    It is a simplistic analogy but it shows how deeply discriminated against we are for being this way.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2020
  11. jared mills

    jared mills Rookie

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    there are the kinds of ND-NT social/societal clashes that I would take part in using any means necessary,based on the things in life that interest us.
     
  12. LunaticCentruroides

    LunaticCentruroides New Member

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    Some examples:

    You are too complicated
    You are too sensitive
    You’re too screwed up
    You’re lost
    You are evil
    You are cold hearted
    You are too shy
    You are too quiet
    You are too distant
    YOU THINK TOO MUCH (that one is ridiculous)
    Why are you so depressed?
    Why do you look so angry?
    Why do you look so serious?
    Why do you look so depressed? (maybe because I am you dumbass)
    You have to be more confident
    You are underestimating yourself
    You are overestimating yourself
    You are crazy
    You are a violent and perfidious person
    You psycho (haha)
    You are selfish!
    You don’t care about others
    Why don’t you talk to me?!
    You’re too lazy
    It’s your fault your father has problems (haha yeah...right)
    You have no empathy
    How can someone have so many problems??!!
    You have too many problems
    Asshole
    Witch
     
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  13. Yeshuasdaughter

    Yeshuasdaughter Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I have been accused by doctors and relatives of being on drugs. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. Sorry, guys, it's just me.
     
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  14. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Some of these are gender specific but I have heard the male-centric versions! Well, the one before witch... definitely heard that one before! It is all about us doing what THEY want instead of us just being ok in ourselves! It is always by people who want me to do or be something I cannot... and honestly would not if I could.

    The depression one really gets me... um yeah... depression is a reaction to the stress you people are causing me. Leave me the heck alone... and maybe, just maybe I wouldn't be so depressed!

    Oh and the "why don't you care?"! I have had that too... no I care waaay too much. I just can't pretend to care when emotional vampires have drained every last bit of my energy... because I cared about them too much! Honestly... I really DON'T care about them now ;)

    Oh and the father one... My Mom: "You are just like your father!"

    My father was a diagnosed sociopath who stole women's money through romance cons....

    Growl!
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2020
  15. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It is funny... when I am not on drugs, they think I am on drugs. Heck... might as well just be on drugs, haha!
     
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  16. VAW

    VAW Well-Known Member

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    Wow I love that last quote, as a mother trying to understand my grown son more, that is a perfect statement.
     
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  17. Stardust Parade

    Stardust Parade Well-Known Member

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    I’ve gotten a few of those myself. My favorite is “you’re lazy!”
     
  18. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I got told "you're lazy!" after I lost an office job that I really couldn't cope with. Others too, but that's the one that really sticks in my mind.
     
  19. LunaticCentruroides

    LunaticCentruroides New Member

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    Oh god this would be soo funny:tearsofjoy:
    Many ppl in my past thought thought that I'm a stoner, so I constantly attracted dudes that smoked weed 24/7 loool
     
  20. LunaticCentruroides

    LunaticCentruroides New Member

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    Yeahh totally... the depression one is ugly. Many ppl can't deal with someone that is depressed. It seems like. But I also came to believe that I don't "look" like someone that can have depression and other problems in their opinion, which is so strange to me as it is hard to hide certain emotions. When I used to work, my boss always said I am the first person ever he could not read any emotions in my face.. I apparently always look the same. It really bothered him lol. But it's weird bc I always feel like you could see my emotions all over me o.o but maybe this is just at work as I act very professional.

    Omg yeah I care soo much.. it hurts-.- But that's the price ppl pay when they cross my boundaries or drained all the energy. It's our claws we show then.

    Naa you're def not like your father.. omg..