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Featured What are the hurtful things that friends and family have told you?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Ursus Chainus, Nov 15, 2020.

  1. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Because of a recent painful experience, I have compiled a list of hurtful things people I thought that cared about me have said.

    I feel the main issue we have in being ASD is experiential invalidation. This means that our experiences are not believed because social stuff is second nature to most. This means that people think that we are thinking or doing things that are stupid, "crazy" or intense because somehow we are flawed.

    I am a kind and compassionate person, first and foremost. I am strong as hell because I have survived so much. It hurts when people tell me... "You are so X" or "You are not X enough" or "You are too little X". They cannot read me just as I cannot read them. They then assume I do things for the same reasons that NTs do things. I actually have no real reasons other than I don't know how to express myself appropriately. I have no intentions. I have no subtlety. I do not read between the lines or write between them. I am totally WYSIWYG.

    Here is a partial list:
    You are too arrogant
    You are too sensitive (I like to say I am sensitive but NOT fragile)
    You are sappy
    You are too intense (I would rather be intense than insipid)
    You are a bubble boy
    You are too distant
    You are too close
    You are too nice
    You are mean
    You are offensive
    You are a pervert (mostly my parents said this when I was a kid)
    You are needy (this one gets me, I don't need people like NTs do)
    What am I supposed to do with that? (when saying something that I felt was caring!)
    Don't you have any self respect?
    You just don't give a crap, do you?
    You are not dumb, there is no way you are autistic
    Why do you say such stupid things?
    You think too much
    Why not just think the way most people do (said when I was explaining one of my many theories)

    At my age, I am tired of trying to "fix" myself to be appropriate. It is simple... I never learned NT rules and honestly... I really don't care to. They are massively complex and not worth the time. I focus on being a person who does the right things for the right reasons in this world. As a white dude, I have a lot of privilege in being able to just give up trying... I know it is MUCH harder for my aspie sisters and minority aspie brothers and sisters!

    Wouldn't it be nice to just be ourselves?
     
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  2. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

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    Just out of curiosity. Would you say we're stronger as in willpower for what we have to endure?
     
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  3. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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  4. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think so... never let anyone tell you anything negative about yourself. You are much stronger than people who have so much given to them in a world made for them.
     
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  5. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    There's lots so if you don't want to be triggered, you don't have to read.










    I've got no common sense.
    I just "don't think"
    I always say the wrong thing
    Stupid
    Idiot
    Loser
    You always get caught out
    Why can't you stop moving
    I have never met anyone like you in all of my 22 years of teaching.
    Lunatic
    Spaz and variations on that name
    Little Plank
    Licker
    Mental Case
    Psychpath
    Flash in the pan
    Baby
    I don't like you.
    I'm going to get my head kicked in
    Instead of being the idiot that you are
    Who do you think you are
    You're trying to be something you are not.
    I hate you.
    Go and crawl in a corner and die.
    You are a white slave.
    You are my slave
    You are easily manipulated.
    You're nothing special.
    Greedy
    Nosey
    Get your knickers in a knot
    You haven't been the best daughter (after my mum felt I thought she was a sh1t mother)
    I'll depress you, in response to being depressed
    Dad-I'm depressed boo hoo!
    me-Top yourself then (bad thing to say) I said do something about it afterwards.
    Patronised loads.
    Talked down to loads.
    Him-I'll break a bottle and stick it up your ar5e
    Dad-I will smack you in the mouth
    Dad - I will make you **** yourself, literally
    Dad - Shut that door or I will make you
    Dad - get a plate for this mince pie you idiot on video cam
    Dad - I used you
    Dad - I study you
    No one listens to you
    Who asked your opinion
    No one likes you
    You little spastic
    Moron
    Fool
    Specky c8nt and hit on head with hard thing which hurt
    You stink
    **** is not interested in you, by friend in front of bloke
    I'm embarrassed for you
    You die
    I'm gonna knack you if you don't do ....
    You can't even turn round on a bike
    Funny walker
    Looney
    Nutcase
    You are in a world of your own
    Stop fiddling with your earrings
    Stop biting your nails
    Stop fidgeting
    I even think a teacher said he hated me when trying to tell him a girl bullied me into stealing an excercise book
    You puff (when puff meant wet)
    You're a drip
    She hasn't got the guts to spit
    You are irresponsible
    Scatterbrain
    Teacher mimicking me as I cant sit still and letting a kid mimic me for biting my nails
    SORRY JUST THOUGHT OF SOME MORE YOU DONT HAVE TO READ THEM IF THEY DRAG YOU DOWN.
    F8cking drug addict
    Get a grip
    Shut up
    Online-No one listens to you (offline above)
    Troll (problems unusual so I can understand people thinking I am troll, couldn't troll to save my life)
    Grow up
    Slap head
    Psycho
    Stupid *****
    Selfish *****
    Self centred and obsessed from narc father
    I despair of you
    Dead loss
    You are deteriorating
    You've got more personality in your little finger than Gift2humanity
    You don't have a personality
    Your friend has the personality you have the looks
    We all make mistakes but you make whoppers (is the word I think my boss used)
    Dippy
    Scatty
    many sexual insults
    You look like a fool

    I'll stop now, the list could be endless if I keep thinking of more
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2020
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  6. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    You are intense
    You know what's wrong with you
    Witch
    Came and threatened
    Carrie (referring to being different comparing someone very introvert with telekinesis who is a murderer)
    Lesbian
    Cat woman ,(disrespectful tone )
    Used a disrespectful gesture
    Yes what do you want (disrespectful tone)
    Are you a nun disrespectful tone facial expression
    Troll (apparently you are allowed to be passionate about certain subjects )
    Sarcasm by a forum administrator.
     
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  7. Soleil

    Soleil Well-Known Member

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    I've been told I'm a crybaby, that I'm a princess (as in delicate), that I'm quiet and cold and robotic in my behavior (I'm like super nice! I just can't socialize...)
     
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  8. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes, it has happened with the idea of just passing comments or just for conversation.

    One person said that I would not cope with this person's brothers, for they are always laughing at people, because I am too sensitive. Sadly, at that time, I agreed that I would not be able to cope, but AFTERWARDS, when I got to thinking about it, I thought: no, it is not me being too sensitive; it would be them being too insensitive, so in fact, they are the ones who should check themselves.

    Being sensitive, always has a negative connotaion, but when one truly thinks about it, it is actually a positive trait. Oh, there are different sensitives. One, that I have encountered is like gaslighting sensitivity and that is certainly not positive.

    I have been also told that I am too deep, but what is wrong with that?
     
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  9. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    Aww
    I got told I think too deep and not to psychoananlyse myself, Dad wants me to have identity problems, no sense of self has he had none and those types can't help being nasty behaved, they have PD's dark ones.
     
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  10. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    l am a horrible person because l can't be manipulated. I think too much. l don't believe the lies shoved to me with shovels. No matter how much my buttons are pushed or much l am gaslighted l still move forward without those (who push me around). No - l won't date or chase you just because you have this or do that or look like that. This is in response to a guy at my job that talked about, l own this, l look like this, etc, etc, etc. No, l am not going to be friends with your ex-wife. Get real.
     
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  11. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    You must have read lots of fiction as a child to protect you from manipulation.
    Who would want to be manipulated anyway?
     
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  12. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    I know my cousin has an intense dislike of my OCD tendencies. To a point where she backed out of the proposition of going into business with me. That hurt.
     
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  13. HidinginPlainSight

    HidinginPlainSight Well-Known Member

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    I've been called many of these things but I don't know if they have really bothered me that much.

    I suppose I didn't like being called strange by my father as a child. Also in attempts to make friends when I was younger being told I am too serious (I was making an effort not to be serious).

    Other things but not limited to I've been told:
    Don't take things so literally
    You're too shy
    You talk too much
    You are so quiet
    Stop fidgeting
    Wear your clothes properly
    Hold a pencil correctly
    Stop biting your nails
    Stop being anti-social (One of my father's constant bits of advice)

    Lots of things from people I wouldn't consider friends and aren't family, the one that stands out the most is "retard". I didn't like the people who said this to me, so I don't really care about it.
     
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  14. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    People can be so mean when they are stupid and horrible! I think you are wonderful. You are thoughtful and kind and helpful. I have had many of those too that I don't mention. They really leave scars! Energetic hugs your way!
     
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  15. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I have had that one too... Honestly, "You are too shallow" sounds like a worse insult to me. Depth is beautiful!
     
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  16. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    Good you don't care about retard.
    I forgot the golden one "Wendy weirdo" Dad used to hiss it at me, he wanted me to conform.
     
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  17. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    Nothing wrong with depth, its genuine.
     
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  18. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    being a bit OCD in a business venture is right on! Most of the great business leaders were/are TOTALLY OCD!
     
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  19. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    That is what they used "bubble boy" for. This is because my selective mutism was very extreme as a child. They wanted me to be "normal". I also was selectively deaf... the abuser that my mother married would ask me a question which I could not understand. By the third time asking him to repeat... there was usually a physical consequence. Today I have an OCD thing where I need to answer people right away.
     
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  20. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Those are the good ol' narcissist insults... like since when is protecting yourself being mean to them!

    Freaking parasites were the bane of my life until I took a vermicide for them... boundaries! That is like garlic for them (psychic vampires)...
     
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