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Featured What are the hurtful things that friends and family have told you?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Ursus Chainus, Nov 15, 2020.

  1. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    :( being physically punished for symptoms of abuse.
    I dunno if selective deafness is auditory processing disorder, not sure but I think that is when our ears don't want to hear nasty things, but as I said I don't have much knowledge.
    Sorry you developed OCD
     
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  2. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Aspie sister... Sexism and cognitivism mixed together! That just makes me double angry!
     
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  3. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    My sister tried to shield herself from my Dad's hand at 10 years old.
    He saw her shielding herself as audacity and picked up two dinner plates off the table, and smashed them on the floor.
    This was a bit overwhelming for me.
     
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  4. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    I gave you a friendly emoji, I wish there was a "sympathetic" emoji and I would have given you that.
     
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  5. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    The deafness is much more because I don't have words in my brain. It takes a while for my "language system" to come online, especially if I feel threatened.

    Luckily my OCD is rather limited:

    1. Fear of hurting others (My mother used this as a way to manipulate me "If you don't do X you will hurt (insert name here)")

    2. Fear of people not knowing I am sincere and care without motive (basically discounting how clearly I see how wonderful a person is and replacing it with some devious motive, thus discounting their own wonderfulness that I see)

    3. Fear of leading women on.
    This is related to my "mating thing" (I am pretty much like a pre-human in this way). Mating is NOT sex or really even about sex... It is about eventual procreation and the relationship that will facilitate that, unfortunately this spreads through all my intergender relationships for some reason. There is something I have in me that I call "the dance". I used to not choose nice women and end up with narcissistic ones. I even had several cry because I hurt them so bad by "friendzoning" them. I felt incredible guilt over this... like I was stringing women on. The reality is that I always chose women who approached me (women approach in the dance). In the culture, these women are often (not always) narcissistic (respect driven). The OCD part comes from that fear of hurting lovely women that I care about. This is one thing that I STILL have pain around. Submissive women are/were very attracted to me but waited for me to approach.

    4. Not responding fast enough in correspondence or talking so that a person thinks I don't care OR that they will strike out.


    Really this OCD is kind of one main thing, fear of hurting others. I have mostly worked through this, but I am afraid my "interpersonal mistake" tape recorder is still haunting me.

    I call these things OCD because they are obsessive thoughts for me.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2020
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  6. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I get it! When my mom was with the abuser, his daughter came to stay with us. He was hurting her and I could do nothing. When they announced a divorce.... I should have been happy but she went to live with him :cry::cry::cry:

    He ended up spending 8 years in jail for sexually abusing her and another woman's daughter :cry::rage:
     
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  7. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Too X and not enough Y. You are fine the way you are. You could socialize if people if people would let you be yourself and not expect you to be like them.
     
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  8. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    What an emotional pretzel I tried to be when I was young... just to make these people happy.

    Yeah... taking things so literally?
    [​IMG]

    Most aspies are not anti-social... just socially ambivalent! It takes so much energy to try to be social in their world of crazy rules. Get rid of their sky high expectations and we would all be fine "socially".

    Personally, I am not social but I am highly interactive :)
     
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  9. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    2. Fear of people not knowing I am sincere and care without motive (basically discounting how clearly I see how wonderful a person is and replacing it with some devious motive, thus discounting their own wonderfulness that I see)

    3. Fear of leading women on.
    This is related to my "mating thing" (I am pretty much like a pre-human in this way). Mating is NOT sex or really even about sex... It is about eventual procreation and the relationship that will facilitate that, unfortunately this spreads through all my intergender relationships for some reason. There is something I have in me that I call "the dance". I used to not choose nice women and end up with narcissistic ones. I even had several cry because I hurt them so bad by "friendzoning" them. I felt incredible guilt over this... like I was stringing women on. The reality is that I always chose women who approached me (women approach in the dance). In the culture, these women are often (not always) narcissistic (respect driven). The OCD part comes from that fear of hurting lovely women that I care about. This is one thing that I STILL have pain around. Submissive women are/were very attracted to me but waited for me to approach.

    4. Not responding fast enough in correspondence or talking so that a person thinks I don't care OR that they will strike out.


    Really this OCD is kind of one main thing, fear of hurting others. I have mostly worked through this, but I am afraid my "interpersonal mistake" tape recorder is still haunting me.

    I call these things OCD because they are obsessive thoughts for me.[/QUOTE]
    I might have researched autism but I have learnt something new.
    With me, the wire between my brain and mouth goes wrong in conflict, nothing or the wrong thing often comes out.

    No wonder you have fear of hurting others if your mother used this as a way to manipulate you, apart from the usual extra affective empathy.

    I confess I don't know how to interpret this and don't want to mis interpret you, that is not to say it is not valid.

    3. Must be difficult, you sound like you can articulate yourself well even with your fears.
    Sex is often shallow.
    Maybe being brought up by a dysfunctional woman made it easy for you to choose narcs.
    The fact that you felt guilt over making women cry shows you have feeling.
    Maybe fine tune your intuition to sift out the narcs, it never lies.
    You are sensitive.

    If you mean delayed response I can relate.

    Sorry to hear about your "interpersonal mistake" tape recorder.
    We are prone to obsessive thoughts aren't we?

    QUOTE]The deafness is much more because I don't have words in my brain. It takes a while for my "language system" to come online, especially if I feel threatened.

    Luckily my OCD is rather limited:

    1. Fear of hurting others (My mother used this as a way to manipulate me "If you don't do X you will hurt (insert name here)")

    2. Fear of people not knowing I am sincere and care without motive (basically discounting how clearly I see how wonderful a person is and replacing it with some devious motive, thus discounting their own wonderfulness that I see)

    3. Fear of leading women on.
    This is related to my "mating thing" (I am pretty much like a pre-human in this way). Mating is NOT sex or really even about sex... It is about eventual procreation and the relationship that will facilitate that, unfortunately this spreads through all my intergender relationships for some reason. There is something I have in me that I call "the dance". I used to not choose nice women and end up with narcissistic ones. I even had several cry because I hurt them so bad by "friendzoning" them. I felt incredible guilt over this... like I was stringing women on. The reality is that I always chose women who approached me (women approach in the dance). In the culture, these women are often (not always) narcissistic (respect driven). The OCD part comes from that fear of hurting lovely women that I care about. This is one thing that I STILL have pain around. Submissive women are/were very attracted to me but waited for me to approach.

    4. Not responding fast enough in correspondence or talking so that a person thinks I don't care OR that they will strike out.


    Really this OCD is kind of one main thing, fear of hurting others. I have mostly worked through this, but I am afraid my "interpersonal mistake" tape recorder is still haunting me.

    I call these things OCD because they are obsessive thoughts for me.[/QUOTE]
     
  10. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    I think a lot of people confuse anti-social with unsociable.
    For me anti-social is destructive desire to destroy hurt etc
    Unsociable can just mean introvert, or not in the mood to socialise.
     
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  11. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Number 2 comes from the fact that I am deeply supportive of certain people I really like... but often not "correctly". Recently a person I just adore called me "sappy". It broke my heart. I don't know how to show caring in a way that is appropriate for many people. I can come across as insincere when I am totally sincere. I say it like I feel it.

    I used to joke "You had better hope I don't like you or I am going to annoy the living hell out of you" :D

    I have pretty much healed from that but it is still part of my OCD.
     
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  12. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    It's good that you are deeply supportive of people you like.
    I don't know what sappy means, sorry it sounds insulting. Saying it like you feel it sounds honest, less hassle if you are honest, even though others may object, having to lie just complicates life.
     
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  13. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    You sound 90% like me, apart from I would hurting someone's feelings(that's still very confusing) and never had the men problem not physically attractive anymore ,I fear physically hurting sentient beings I've encountered one autistic male on a forum and their attitude about women makes me nauseous in the extreme ,I thought photos of women like that are not PC shouldn't be on a forum.
     
  14. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    I might have researched autism but I have learnt something new.
    With me, the wire between my brain and mouth goes wrong in conflict, nothing or the wrong thing often comes out.

    No wonder you have fear of hurting others if your mother used this as a way to manipulate you, apart from the usual extra affective empathy.


    I confess I don't know how to interpret this and don't want to mis interpret you, that is not to say it is not valid.

    3. Must be difficult, you sound like you can articulate yourself well even with your fears.
    Sex is often shallow.
    Maybe being brought up by a dysfunctional woman made it easy for you to choose narcs.
    The fact that you felt guilt over making women cry shows you have feeling.
    Maybe fine tune your intuition to sift out the narcs, it never lies.
    You are sensitive.


    If you mean delayed response I can relate.

    Sorry to hear about your "interpersonal mistake" tape recorder.
    We are prone to obsessive thoughts aren't we?

    QUOTE]The deafness is much more because I don't have words in my brain. It takes a while for my "language system" to come online, especially if I feel threatened.

    Luckily my OCD is rather limited:

    1. Fear of hurting others (My mother used this as a way to manipulate me "If you don't do X you will hurt (insert name here)")

    2. Fear of people not knowing I am sincere and care without motive (basically discounting how clearly I see how wonderful a person is and replacing it with some devious motive, thus discounting their own wonderfulness that I see)

    3. Fear of leading women on.
    This is related to my "mating thing" (I am pretty much like a pre-human in this way). Mating is NOT sex or really even about sex... It is about eventual procreation and the relationship that will facilitate that, unfortunately this spreads through all my intergender relationships for some reason. There is something I have in me that I call "the dance". I used to not choose nice women and end up with narcissistic ones. I even had several cry because I hurt them so bad by "friendzoning" them. I felt incredible guilt over this... like I was stringing women on. The reality is that I always chose women who approached me (women approach in the dance). In the culture, these women are often (not always) narcissistic (respect driven). The OCD part comes from that fear of hurting lovely women that I care about. This is one thing that I STILL have pain around. Submissive women are/were very attracted to me but waited for me to approach.

    4. Not responding fast enough in correspondence or talking so that a person thinks I don't care OR that they will strike out.


    Really this OCD is kind of one main thing, fear of hurting others. I have mostly worked through this, but I am afraid my "interpersonal mistake" tape recorder is still haunting me.

    I call these things OCD because they are obsessive thoughts for me.[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]






    What really hurts is when non Christians presume any problem i have is because in their opinion I'm sexually repressed

    and if I converse with a homosexual man, its sickening that they say you are homophobic if you don't want to pursue a promiscuous lifestyle,you have to filter every thought in case youre called homophobic or anti Islam if you support Jews
     
  15. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Anything disrespectful of women should not be on the forum AT ALL. I think some aspie men have hypermasculinity as a mask and that often goes with sexism (and racism). That stuff makes me angry in the NT world.... more so in this one! Why would anyone who is constantly being invalidated by the world ever want to invalidate another person or a group of people?
     
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  16. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    Its shattering getting medical help when the immediate perception is are you sexually repressed I'm just too exhausted to explain in depth
     
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  17. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Wow, what a thread this is. I'm really sorry for all the nasty things you've had to hear. Me, too. Sure. For right or wrong I've come to see it as part of having relationships with other humans. Some are worse than others, of course. I won't go listing the things I've heard said about me but I will give one example. When I was young I heard repeatedly that I was jealous. A jealous person - and I was not that. So when I had my first relationships I did anything not to be that person and you know what? You can probably guess...I got cheated on and meanwhile I was at home refusing to believe it because I didn't want to be the jealous person that I had been told I was.

    I will say two more things.

    One: I took a lot of ways of relating (including the way people speak to each other) as being normal when I was younger. I stuck around for all manner of Things. Now for the most part I don't put up with it. But in all honesty, I avoid it by avoiding people for the most part.

    Two: I do still have someone in my family who when angry or upset will say literally anything. They are a really nice person when happy. But when threatened by any form of criticism or whatever they devolve. I hear the most outrageous, bizarre and hurtful things at those times - or sometimes it's the lack of saying something - i.e. 'I'm sorry'. I know in those times that it's them and not me. But I still do fall a bit flat in the way I feel when it happens (as it did last week - so right now I'm still bleh).
     
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  18. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yeah... all people are different in many ways... It is very pronounced in our sexuality. NTs just know how to fake being "the same". I can see through that! Like very "prude" acting NTs can be freaky as heck.

    It is a core of who we are... regardless if we are sex repulsed or hypersexual or anything between. Some of my biggest scars come from my childhood where I was shamed for this part of me. You are targeted not because of your sexuality but because of your honesty about it.
     
  19. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    So... many "normal" people have a right to be total creeps when they are angry because they know how it fits in to the NT world. I never act on my anger because I don't know how to do that. I often will set a boundary around the offending behavior then cut a person from my life if they continue to be abusive. I use the three strikes rule. Ignore or violate my boundary three times, then that person is out of my life. I always used to feel "meh" because I had so many of them. It was a long term low level depression. I have only started lifting that through removing them from my life.
     
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  20. onlything

    onlything Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Similarly to you guys from my side. Anything from 'oversensitive' through 'emotionally unavailable' to 'screwed up' (the last one in words not appropriate for a polite company and from my brother no less). I find it also quite amusing how after years of no contact or ignoring me people can suddenly say that I behave as if 'I didn't exist' (which is to mean too quiet and too distanced I suppose).

    I'm tired of people though and I find that with time these insults just make less and less of an impact on me. The only thing that seems to make me angry these days is when someone tries to manipulate me in some way - my hackles immediately raise. It's like I've become allergic to gaslighting and invalidation... Frankly, screw people that do that anyway. If they do that then the least they deserve is a nasty look for their trouble. Prats.

    Sorry you had to experience all that. Live and let live is what I always say but, unfortunately, it seems to be the one thing that most people can't understand and instead hate people for such silly reasons like different skin colour or sexual orientation. And they call us weird.
     
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