Want to "come out" on Facebook

[Aspieistj]

I have never participated on Facebook because I have chosen to live pretty much as a hermit. However, I now need to use Facebook in order to work with a local dog owners' group. Because I have removed myself from almost all contact with people I knew prior to retirement I feel I need to explain why I have so little contact with anyone. I would like them to know I learned only while in my 60s that I am an Aspie and decided the best way to avoid annoying or irritating NTs was to keep to myself. Because I want to become active in a dog owners' group working to establish a fenced in, off leash dog park, I don't want to tell my story over and over. Some people who know me are in this group and I DO want them to understand WHY I am different--because I probably annoyed them all for years. Should I "come out" or just let them continue to think I am odd. They use Facebook a lot and I would include my being on the spectrum in my profile. I am committed to telling the world that I am on the spectrum in order to increase the general public's knowledge about how very different the people on the spectrum may be from each other.

 

[tree]

I didn't put it in mine.
I include any interesting autism/aspie stuff that I see, though.
One of my fb friends has an aspie son. She always 'likes' those posts.

My sister is one of my fb friends (it was her idea for me to have a fb account).
My aunt & several of my cousins are also fb friends.
I don't need to tell them.
There is one other person, not related, I was going to say----but now I remember he
is some very distant cousin. And there are some in-laws.

That means either they know or they don't, and I
just don't need to tell them, either way.

People seem to go to extremes on facebook.
Wacking out over little or nothing or
ignoring what you felt was important.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

There's a difference between talking one-on-one with a person to connect genuinely with his spirit, and advertising something that gets variable news and variable understanding. I know you know the genie won't go back in the bottle...my concern is that if people are irritated with you and you give them a handle, they'll use it to hold you at a distance...and not in a good way.

Personal disclosure lets you manage that better, and the info's in the hands of people you're willing to trust, in a negotiated way.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

[Aspieistj]

Anyone who has spent any time with me HAS to believe I am weird. I would much rather they understood I never chose to be unusual and that they learn something about Autism that is correct. If I had known I had an actual reason for always seeing the flip side of everything I would have sought help. At my age I just decided to stay away from people. Now, because I care so much about animals, I am willing to work with others to improve the lives of animals. I know I shouldn't be the leader of the movement but I can do supportive work and keep a low profile behind the scene.

 

[Progster]

I haven't announced it of Facebook, but I've added a few people from the autistic community who are open about it, and if anyone were inclined to dig deeper into my profile they might put two and two together and catch on, I really don't know. To be honest, it doesn't concern me that much. I haven't had any bad reactions from anyone, but I'm very selective about who I tell. I consider it a personal matter and I tell people on a need-to-know basis only. Also, I'm self-employed and I don't want my clients to find out, because I worry that they may change their attitude towards me; they may then consider me incompetent and not capable of doing my job well. But if you aren't working, then that's not an issue. It's up to you, but my feeling is that it's best to be selective - tell a couple of people to test the water, and if you get no bad reactions, you can widen the circle and make it more public.

 

[piney13]

Are you using your AS as an excuse for your behavior that may be understood as different or are you attempting to be an advocate. ?
I try to advocate AS so folks can understand the condition, in doing so they see where I fit in. I will not subject myself to situations where I stand out to the point that I need to explain myself.
I volunteer at a local charity retail store, they know I have AS, most do not understand the condition. They know I have a unique way of thinking and creating solutions to situations that come up.
It is important that those you interact with know you have AS. To understand what causes you to be overwhelmed, how you intemperate things literally, about your sensory issues and how you see the world.
I kept my AS hidden for many years (20+) till I realized that my AS needed the same care as my alcoholism, people you are around need to know this so you can avoid situations that could cause you difficulty or harm. Every AA meeting starts with ...My name is xxxxx and I am an alcoholic. Own your AS, but do it as an advocate and not as an excuse.
Rejection is common for people with AS, find those willing to accept you .

 

[EdR]

I have no intention of publicly sharing my diagnosis because I cannot think of any benefit to me. Like Aspiestj, everyone knows that I am either wierd or walk a path a few degrees off the norm. It is true and I accept that.

The most that I can picture gaining from disclosure is sympathy, and that only from a few. Others most likely will react in what I would consider a less desirable manner.

I am working hard at minimizing the more deleterious aspects of being on the spectrum and look forward to results from that effort.

If someone ever asks if I am autistic, I will be honest and forthright. So far, in my 63 years, that question has yet to be raised and my pattern sensing ability is picking up a trend.

 

[Tom]

Usually I advise people not to make it public, unless there is a real reason for it, such as getting services, etc. I say that because the label is more negative then positive. It is ok to tell those closest to you, if you trust them, and a few, such as spouses usually need to know.

The negative label can effect your life and options, such as job placement and promotions, social groups and potential companions. A person should judge you for what you do, not for what a label says you are like.

Your situation is a bit different however, since those aspects are not as critical and I think it is ok as long as you are ready for a variety of responses. For some it might be a useful insight, but others may pull away. If you don't want to rock the boat so to speak, don't share it. If you want to, to raise autism awareness in a way, then do it.

 

[kris]

I share autism articles on FB as well.. and I've noticed friends with spectrum kids always like those posts. But I don't post it explicitly.. there are too many lurkers on FB and not everyone understands the spectrum as well as we do and can easily misinterpret that information. I'm thinking of one friend in particular I told about my ASD and she treats me like a 2 year old now.. we aren't really friends anymore. I just feel like I have a lot of facebook "friends" who aren't really friends that have no business knowing that about me.

That said, I've gotten a lot better about "owning" my oddness.. it's ok to be eccentric.. there doesn't need to be an "excuse" for it in my mind.. it's just the way I am. If people don't like it, they can move along. If someone ever asked me about it, I would be honest in a heartbeat, but I don't think it's something (for me personally, you may have a different feeling on it) that needs to be advertised.

I did list it in my ok cupid profile when I was online dating, however.

Anyways, all that said, you can't "untell" people about your ASD after you tell them, so just make sure to keep it private until you're absolutely ready to make it that public.

 

[DogwoodTree]

On a public level like FB, I've linked my quirkiness more to my personality type (INTP), which tends to be a little unusual anyway, than to AS. I wish I could talk more openly about the AS, but 1) I don't have a formal dx and 2) it could adversely affect some of my work relationships. I have told some people about it, and most of the response has been either to minimize it or try to be supportive in a general sort of way. One friend who is fascinated by psychology anyway has asked a lot of questions, and that's nice of her. I don't think she really understands, but at least she's trying.

 

[Chuck2]

My friends know I have bipolar disorder and that I am looking into ASD. They also know my Aspie test score and it has helped out a few of my friends and relatives. If I didn't already tell people about bipolar I don't know if I would tell them about Autism except by advocating for it. That's just me.

 

[Stik]

Does anyone see the similarity of announcing you have an ASD and announcing you're gay? I hope I don't offend anyone because that is not my intention. When I think about telling people about my ASD I often wonder if it's how gay people feel. I'm afraid to tell anyone because I'm scared they will treat me like a child or someone who isn't intelligent. Not that being a child or not intelligent is bad ... I'm just neither of those things. I don't want people to think I'm incompetent either. I look at history and how the world is towards gay people. It's frightening and I fear to be treated like that.

On the other hand ... I want to tell people so they understand I don't choose to be this way but I choose to embrace it. That is, as long as they understand autistic people aren't all the same. Is that how a gay person feels too?

The world can be so cruel.

 

[EdR]

Does anyone see the similarity of announcing you have an ASD and announcing you're gay? I hope I don't offend anyone because that is not my intention. When I think about telling people about my ASD I often wonder if it's how gay people feel. I'm afraid to tell anyone because I'm scared they will treat me like a child or someone who isn't intelligent. Not that being a child or not intelligent is bad ... I'm just neither of those things. I don't want people to think I'm incompetent either. I look at history and how the world is towards gay people. It's frightening and I fear to be treated like that.

On the other hand ... I want to tell people so they understand I don't choose to be this way but I choose to embrace it. That is, as long as they understand autistic people aren't all the same. Is that how a gay person feels too?

The world can be so cruel.

Very insightful Stik, the comparison never occurred to me. I agree that there is a good deal of similarity and remember the days when there were overt repercussions against gay individuals.

 

[Slithytoves]

I would caution anyone about using facebook for major personal disclosures, but since you say you're already distanced from most people you knew prior to retirement, I'd say it can't do much harm if that's what you want to do. As for the people in the dog owner's group, only you can assess the potential risk of making your autism known.

Just be aware that facebook isn't just a friendly venue for connecting with others. It's well known as a place where people gossip and snark. And worse, it's all done in short blurbs that don't include much real substance. You lose control of disclosures on facebook the minute you post them.

But if you really feel it's time to let people know, there are very few places where it would be easier.

 

[Chuck2]

Back when I thought I was closer to being able to work a regular job I went through all of my Facebook posts and cleaned them up. I had only been on for about a year at the time and didn't post much back then. I could see how it could be used as a tool for getting work since employers were demanding access to people's profiles back then. You seriously could get away with making person look much cooler and more employable than they were. It could work both ways but definitely work against one.

 

[piney13]

Sharing my AS, showing folks a positive side of an unseen disability has been good experience.

 

[Aspieistj]

I have vehemently refused to use Facebook, except in order to view some Siberian huskies I really wanted to view. I am not "chatty" about the small stuff. I also don't use a cell phone except for emergencies. If I want to take with someone I am usually perfectly satisfied with email. I have agreed to let a few people "friend" me because I thought if I refused it would be considered terribly rude. Very recently I did contact someone via Facebook because I didn't know her address, phone numbers or email addy and I needed to ask her something important. I am amazed to think that serious employers would would consider spending the time checking on a potential employee on such a trite means of communication. If I were looking for a job I don't know how I would react if asked about my Facebook page. If I really wanted a job and thought I HAD to use Facebook in order to get that job, I think I would choose my words carefully and tell the interviewer that I preferred not to speak with people who were important to me in such an impersonal, banal, off the cuff way. Am I a dinosaur?

 

[Chuck2]

I have vehemently refused to use Facebook, except in order to view some Siberian huskies I really wanted to view. I am not "chatty" about the small stuff. I also don't use a cell phone except for emergencies. If I want to take with someone I am usually perfectly satisfied with email. I have agreed to let a few people "friend" me because I thought if I refused it would be considered terribly rude. Very recently I did contact someone via Facebook because I didn't know her address, phone numbers or email addy and I needed to ask her something important. I am amazed to think that serious employers would would consider spending the time checking on a potential employee on such a trite means of communication. If I were looking for a job I don't know how I would react if asked about my Facebook page. If I really wanted a job and thought I HAD to use Facebook in order to get that job, I think I would choose my words carefully and tell the interviewer that I preferred not to speak with people who were important to me in such an impersonal, banal, off the cuff way. Am I a dinosaur?

This raised a big stink and it was on the news a few years ago but I'm not sure how ago. Time escapes me. Most people didn't like this except for employers. I completely agree with you on this but I saw it as a chance to create a big fake resume if they were nosey enough to use it. They were even demanding passwords to the accounts. It would be easy to create a fake account for the purpose of looking good to employers. I had a friend who had two accounts, of course this is against the EULA or whatever they call it. He has one that his customers see and another that his friends see.

 

[piney13]

If you doubt who you are, how can you expect folks to believe you ?

 

[piney13]

If it wasn't for social media there would still be lots of lost dogs...